


Bleed me out (and tell me you love me, though I won't say it back)

by Shootingstarprince



Category: Twenty One Pilots
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Anal Sex, Angry Sex, Angst, Basically Josh cuts Tyler up during sex because Ty likes it, Blood Kink, Bottom Josh, Bottom Tyler, Brendon and Pete are assholes, Choking, Cutting, Dark Humor, Depression, Disconnect from reality, Dissociation, Dom Josh, Everything Hurts, Falling In Love, Gore, Graphic descriptions of violence, Hurt/Comfort, I love them irl but they are terrible in this story and youll hate them, I promise the story is actually pretty good, Josh and Jenna are best friends, Josh becomes a cop, Like really bad assholes, M/M, Masochism, Masochist Tyler, Murder AU, Murder in later chapters, Oral Sex, PTSD, Panic Attacks, Power Bottom Tyler, Psychopath Tyler, Rape In later chapters, Reunion, Rough Sex, S/M, Sadism, Sadist Josh, Self Harm, Self-Harm, Serial Killers, Smoking, Smut, Spiders, Sub Tyler, Suicidal Thoughts, Swearing, Top Josh, Top Tyler, Trauma, Trigger warnings on each chapter, True Crime, Tyler becomes a murderer, Tyler has a hard time understanding feelings, Tyler is obsessed with serial killers, Tyler snaps, Tysh, angry outbursts, but it hurts just right, cigarette burns, joshler - Freeform, need i say more?, switch - Freeform, these tags are a mess, this is literally so sad
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-12-26
Updated: 2018-08-16
Packaged: 2019-02-22 06:47:06
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 14
Words: 61,128
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13161480
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Shootingstarprince/pseuds/Shootingstarprince
Summary: Tyler Joseph has always been the weird kid and having an obsession with serial killers, spiders and other dark things doesn't really help being popular in high school, but Tyler doesn't care. These people will be dead before him anyway.Josh Dun thinks that Tyler Joseph is pretty cool and wants to be friends with the boy despite others being wary of him. Josh knows it's all jokes.It's all jokes, until it's not.





	1. Weirdo

**Author's Note:**

> So, hey, I decided to type out this story because I really love it. So basically this was originally written as an RP between me and my absolutely amazing friend Sam, @tvlerrjcseph on Instagram. All of Josh's lines and thoughts are his work and he was a huge, huge part of writing this story, so half of the credit is all his.
> 
> Also, I have this whole story typed out as an RP, I just have to change it into story format, so I shouldn't have trouble getting chapters out soon. 
> 
> Disclaimer!! This story deals with many heavy subjects and its really dark. I won't say that this is for 18 and over only as I'm not 18 myself, but please be aware that this story is not for those who can't handle self harm, extremely dark humor, suicidal idealization, graphic descriptions of violence and in later chapters rape and murder. I will put a trigger warning at the start of each chapter and try to make it so that you can skip scenes, such as rape, if you still want to read the story, but please stay safe and don't read if any of these subjects cause you anxiety. Love you all.
> 
> [This chapter contains violent thoughts and mentions of slight gore and self harm]

Nobody liked Tyler. Not ever. They just called him creepy, among several others extremely unoriginal things. This had been happening since kindergarten and honestly, Tyler didn't care. There was no denying that he had always been the strange kid. The odd one out. He liked spiders. When he fell over in the yard and his knee started bleeding, he looked at the wound in fascination and stuck his fingers into it, to see more of the red liquid that was somehow so mesmerizing to him. When he was fifteen, he began to cut himself, just because he was interested in seeing what it felt and looked like. Later, he found that it was a really good way to feel as well, as he really didn't feel things like the average person would and never really had, not even as a child. When he went to high school he took an interest to psychology. The psychology of serial killers to be exact. Though right now, he wasnt in his favorite class, no. He was in math, currently more focused on staring at a wall than listening to the teacher. It was dull. Why listen when he had figured this all out about two years ahead? He thought of those gore pictures he'd found on the deep web instead. 

Josh Dun sat behind Tyler Joseph in math, currently watching the boy who seemed to be deep in thought. Josh shook his head to himself. He had sort of developed an odd awe for the kid, who never seemed to care what his peers said or thought about him. Unlike most people in this particular high school, Josh hadn't grown up in their town and hadn't been around Tyler when he had been younger. He had moved here some two years ago and in just a week, he had had people telling him that "just don't be friends with that Tyler kid. He's weird." But Josh sort of liked how weird he was. At least he didn't try to fit in like most people here. The blue haired boy was currently amused, watching Tyler ignore the lesson and the teacher completely, despite the annoyed glances the said teacher kept giving him from the front of the classroom. Tyler did that a lot. Josh wondered what he was thinking about. 

"Tyler Joseph," The teacher spoke then, catching the boy's attention. Tyler seemed to snap out of some sort of a trance and looked over at the teacher, raising a questioniong eyebrow. The teacher gestured to the chalkboard where he had written a difficult-looking calculation and said: "Answer, please. Or have you perhaps not been paying attention?" The teacher looked sort of smug. Tyler hated it. He looked at the board for a moment before boredly replying: "32, 675. Can I go now?" 

The class stared at him in awe, because he obviously hadn't been paying attention, but could easily give such a complex answer to a complex calculation. Tyler just found their staring annoying. 

Josh had to hide the giant grin on his face behind his hand, not wanting the teacher to see. Many other students were doing the same thing. Man, Tyler was like a fucking genius. Josh wondered if it came naturally or if the boy spent hours studying at home. Someone had said that he was a devil worshipper and had sold his soul to be super smart. Josh seriously doubted that, but power to him if it was true, he supposed. 

The teacher stared at Tyler, mouth opening and closing for a moment. He looked back at the board, as if checking it again, then looked back at Tyler and nodded slowly before saying: "Ahem, that's correct. Good job, Tyler. It seems you were listening after all." Tyler scoffed at this and rolled his eyes, going back to staring at the wall and mumbled: "You don't have to listen to know this shit."

Josh knew he was kind of staring at Tyler but he didn't really care if the other boy, or his classmates knew. He was curious, sue him! "How did you get so smart?" He whispered once the teacher had his back turned to them. Tyler looked over at the sudden voice addressing him. Oh. Joshua Dun. He stared at Josh for a moment before shrugging and saying: "It's easy."

Easy? Easy!? This kid had to be like fucking Einstein or something! Even the most talented students in the class had trouble with this course and everyone hated it. Josh was barely passing the class and he liked to think that he was generally pretty smart. He shook his head at that and chuckled: "Yeah, maybe for a genius prodigy."

"I don't know about that," Tyler replied with a tiny laugh. He rarely even smiled at school but this Joshua kid, who Tyler had only spoken to very few times before, seemed different from the others. Maybe a bit weird even, with his piercings and striking blue hair. Josh smiled right back at him and glanced at the teacher who was still too focused on the lesson to pay attention to them and said: "I like your notebook." The notebook he was referring to, was the one on Tyler's desk. It was plastered with pictures of spiders and news articles. Articles of what, Josh couldn't tell. But it looked cool anyway. 

"Thanks. I draw in it," Tyler replied with a small nod his way. Josh turned back towards his own desk, deciding to give Tyler his peace as the other boy seemed to slip back into his own thoughts. The blue haired boy stayed quiet for the rest of the class and even as he left the classroom, only making a face when his friend, Jenna, asked why he was talking to the weirdo. Josh scoffed: "I think he's cool."

Tyler walked past the pair then, smiling slightly, almost shyly at Josh. Jenna pressed closer to his friend and made a face at him. Josh stared after Tyler with unashamed interest. Jenna rolled her eyes and smacked his chest before taking his arm and pulling him along the hallway, huffing: "My God, Josh. Why don't you just fucking come out already?" 

Josh snorted at that. "It's not like that, Jenna. Yeah, sure he's weird, but he's cool too. Have you seen the collages he makes on his notebooks? And his hyper-realistic drawings of spiders?" He said. Jenna sighed and leaned against her locker, mumbling: "Yeah. It's fucking creepy."

Meanwhile, Tyler was also at his own locker, just taking out the books he needed for his next class when he got pushed by a guy passing by, obviously on purpose. Tyler looked after the guy, who also glanced back at him at the same time and flashed him a disgusted look. Brendon Urie. Of course. He didn't mind that much though. He just merely sighed, imagining Brendon all bloody, his guts spilling out and smiled to himself, humming as he took his books out and close his locker before heading towards his next class. Psychology. His favorite and literally the only class he was interested in. Something challenging. 

Josh also finally made his way to his next class: composition. The classroom was across the courtyard from another hallway, the windows level with each other. He could often see Tyler in psychology, right? Yeah. Well, there was no denying that most of these classes were spent with Josh gazing across the courtyard into the psychology classroom, watching Tyler look interested in something for once. Even right now, Josh smiled to himself when he saw Tyler smiling to himself across the way. It was cool to know that he liked psychology so much. He was pretty sure that the boy was obsessed with serial killers. Wasn't it called true crime? Yeah, that was it. Though that part did set him off a bit, he figured it was just some weird interest of his. Everyone had those. Besides, what's the difference between liking true crime and enjoying horror movies where girls get gutted on screen? 

Tyler really listened in class and eagerly took notes and asked questions, ignoring some of the looks he'd get for it. He was like a completely different person in this class. The human brain was such a fascinating thing. He wanted to know exactly what went through it. He wanted to understand what made a human tick, what made them fear and what made them fucking snap. 

He was in an extremely good mood after the class and didn't even mind that Pete Wentz called him a freak and tripped him in the hallway, causing his books to scatter everywhere. He just calmly got down to his knees and started picking them up, reminding himself that Pete would probably be dead way before him because Pete was stupid and Tyler was smart. 

Josh, being the nice guy he was, saw this whole thing and ran over to help the boy pick up his books, huffing: "People are assholes."

"I don't mind," Tyler said, voice soft and calm as he took his notebook from Josh, eyes meeting his as he smiled and added: "They'll die before they hit thirty anyway." Josh laughed a little and stood up with him, saying: "Yeah probably. Or they'll sit at home, bored and balding, eating chips off their beer bellies."

Josh grinned and Tyler laughed a bit. Josh definitely wasn't so bad. Tyler shoved his books into his bag, looking up at Josh when the boy asked if he took psychology as if he hadn't seen his books and basically stare at him over the school yard every day. "Yeah, I do," Tyler nodded, the slight smile never leaving his face: "It's really fascinating."

"I bet. I wanted to be in that class but it was full by the time I could get my schedule changed," Josh replied with a shrug, watching the way Tyler moved and looked at him with those weirdly dark eyes. He looked like he hadn't slept in weeks but it suited him. 

"Oh, that blows," Tyler replied, making a face before smiling again and looking a bit dazed as he said: "It's really interesting to know what goes through the human brain in different situations. What makes a person snap, kill someone. That's my favorite."

Josh gave him a look somewhere between awe and disbelief. He could say that so casually, like he was talking about the weather. God, he was so weird. Josh was definitely into it. He broke into a grin and asked: "What is it then? What makes someone snap?" 

"Oh, so many different things. Rough childhood, traumatic experiences and well, some are just fucking crazy from the day they were born," Tyler smirked. 

Josh couldn't help but laugh a little, looking over Tyler's shoulder to see Jenna heading towards them and sighed. He looked back over at the brunette and questioned: "Yeah? Know anyone like that?" 

Tyler's smirk widened and he stepped just a bit closer when he said: "I haven't figured that part out yet."

"Maybe you will soon," Josh replied, just as Jenna reached them and took his arm, pulling him towards the main doors, away from Tyler. "Really?" He huffed at her in annoyance and waved at Tyler, telling him goodbye. After they were out the door he scholded Jenna for being so rude, only to receive an eye roll and comments about Tyler being creepy in reply. Typical. 

"Bye, Joshua," Tyler replied with a little wave. He smiled to himself. Joshua was nice. And because of that, Tyler went home with a spring in his step that day. At home, he did his psychology homework, ignoring all of the other stuff and then went to play with his pet tarantula, taking her out of her tank, watching her walk across his arm, fascinated by her movements. Tyler took a few pictures of her for his Instagram, where he posted all sorts of creepy, gorey stuff. After that, he focused on reading up on serial killers and creepy facts, as he did most evenings. 

Josh drove home, canceling his plans to go out to the mall with Jenna later that day. She had pissed him off. Everyone had, actually. Why did people care so much about Tyler being different? Probably because they all knew that Tyler was much cooler than them. Once at home, the boy went upstairs, messing around on his computer for a bit and watching some YouTube videos. His mind was a bit distracted by Tyler though. A little later his phone vibrated, saying he'd got a notification. He picked it up and smiled a bit when he saw that Tyler had posted. (Yes, he had his post notifications on. The guy had a way with photography!) He didn't like the post, of course, because that would be a dead giveaway that he kind of stalked the other boy. He wasn't sure if Tyler wanted people from school following this account. But he still admired the pictures of the tarantula Tyler constantly posted about. He creeped on him a bit then, grinning at the weird shit he posted. At least he didn't fill up his account with basic dog filter selfies and cringe worthy captions. Josh didn't even post much on Instagram. He mostly had it because Jenna had insisted he had to make one. There were a few selfies and pictures of his drums and that was about it. He scrolled down Tyler's account and saw one of the few selfies Tyler had ever posted, breathing out. It was almost a year ago, around Halloween. The boy had fake blood (or so Josh hoped at least) splattered all over his face and he was grinning lazily at the camera. Josh liked it out of habit and his heart almost stopped. God fucking dammit, it was an old picture too. "Shit, shit, shit!" He swore to himself. 

Tyler went to check his Instagram then, as he had gotten quite a lot of notifications already. Most of them were from similar gore accounts, either likes or comments about how pretty his spider was. One of the notifications caught his eye though. Firstly because it was on an old ass post and second, because it wasn't from a gore account. The username was joshuadun and the profile picture was of a certain blue haired boy. Tyler smirked to himself. He went to Josh's account and sent him a DM, simply asking: "How did you find this account?" His username there was blurryface and he rarely used hashtags, so he was genuinely interested in how Josh had found it. 

Josh immediately facepalmed when he saw the direct message and mumbled a few more curse words to himself. He stared at the message for a good minute, trying to think of an answer, before deciding to just answer truthfully and wrote: "Saw you on it in class one day and looked it up. Sorry, that was really fucking creepy of me."

"It's fine. You like my pictures?" Tyler typed in reply, grinning to himself still. 

Josh sighed. Tyler probably thought that he was such a fucking creep now. "Yeah, I think they're kinda cool," He replied. Really, he thought that they were really cool and gore was interesting to a certain extent. Of course, he didn't understand the magnitude of how much Tyler enjoyed them. 

"Thanks," Came the reply from Tyler's end. Maybe Josh was even cooler than he'd thought. Josh stared at the message for a while again, before deciding to continue the conversation by asking if Tyler took all of the pictures himself or got some of them from the internet. 

"Most of them are taken by me," Tyler typed back: "Except the guts and stuff. Those are from the deep web usually. There are a few I've taken myself though, of dead animals."

Josh felt a bit weird about that. Dead animals. Had Tyler killed them himself? Or found them? Eh, probably just roadkill or something. "Remind me not to let you anywhere near my dog," He joked. 

"I wouldn't hurt a dog," Tyler wrote, laughing to himself: "I like dogs."

Josh laughed at that and typed: "Don't seem to be a big fan of rabbits though, are you? Got a lot of dead rabbits on your page."

"I just find a lot of dead rabbits," Tyler answered, shrugging though Josh couldn't see: "They're pretty stupid, always getting hit by cars and stuff."

Josh chuckled and felt a bit relieved too. So, he did find them. Cool. "I guess so," He sent then: "What does blurryface mean? Just a part of your aesthetic or?" 

"Who is Blurryface would be a more appropriate question," Tyler replied after a moment. Josh furrowed his eyebrows and asked that question instead. Tyler took a while to answer again, typing: "Me, but not. Sort of the 'dark side' if you will. It's a pretty complex thing to explain."

That oddly made sense to Josh, in a weird way. He nodded to himself. "Anakin... Do it," He sent with a smirk to himself, hoping that Tyler would get it. Turns out he didn't, because he sent Josh a question mark and wrote: "Is that from Star Trek or whatever it's called or something? I don't watch movies."

Oops. How did Josh manage to make this more and more awkward? He was actually blushing from embarrassment at his failed reference when he wrote back: "Close. Star Wars. I'll make sure to mostly reference serial killers, so you'll laugh at my jokes."

Tyler laughed at that. "Yeah, I think that would be for the best. Sorry. I'm not super interested in pop culture," He replied. Josh could understand that. He didn't want to keep up a conversation where only one of them knew what the hell was going on, so he just asked if Tyler had a favorite serial killer. 

"So many of them are interesting in a lot of different ways," Tyler wrote. Now, this was right up his alley. "Ted Bundy was really brutal. Smart too. He worked for a suicide hotline while he was killing people. Pretty sure he saved lives."

Josh hummed at that. This guy really knew his stuff. "You're really into this stuff and I think that's pretty cool."

"A lot of people think that it's fucked up, so it's kinda nice to have someone who doesn't think I'm a total psycho who's gonna shoot up the school some day," Tyler replied: "Did you know that I've been interrogated by the principal twice now because because someone went to him and said that they were concerned that I was literally planning a school shooting? That was pretty funny."

Josh snorted at the second message, rolling his eyes as he answered: "I don't think that you're stupid enough to do something like that. People are just scared because you like things that are scary to them. Don't change."

"You're right. School shootings are a lot of work, they get really messy, it's easy to make a mistake in a situation like that. Getting guns isn't super easy unless you have parents that own them, you could end up killing someone you don't want to kill and most of the shooters die," Tyler wrote: "I'm definitely not stupid enough for that. If I were to kill someone, I'd plan it carefully. I wouldn't make a big deal out of it. School shooters are attention seekers."

Josh couldn't help but laugh at his strangely calm way of analyzing things like this. He was sort of afraid in a way, but not like he didn't like it. It kind of invigorated him, the way Tyler talked about murder. "I can't say I don't agree with you. Do you think you'll ever actually kill someone?" 

"Probably," Tyler typed, pursing his lips: "I think I'd have to snap first though."

Josh paused for a moment. Should that worry him? Maybe, but honestly, he was more intrigued than scared. So, he wrote: "What would make you snap?" 

"Dunno," Tyler replied: "Probably won't happen for a few more years, no matter what. Also, I'd have to plan it carefully. Not the snapping part, because that just happens, but the murder."

"Who would you kill?" Josh sent immediately. He didn't know why he was so interested in this. He probably should've been worried. Really worried. But somehow, he wasn't. 

"Someone who mattered. Someone I had a reason to kill," Tyler answered shortly after: "If I snapped, I'd have a hit list for sure."

Interesting. Josh raised and eyebrow at that and wrote: "Okay. I'm making a mental note not to piss Tyler Joseph off or I might end up dead in a ditch."

"You wouldn't be on it. Don't worry," Tyler replied, chuckling: "Also, I wouldn't leave a body in a ditch, that's stupid. But that's beside the point. You wouldn't be on my hit list because you're kinda cool."

"Thanks. It's just the hair and piercings, I promise I actually kind of suck. You're pretty cool too." Josh wrote back, grinning to himself. Tyler laughed at Josh's message and answered: "It's just the cool pictures and creepy charm. I actually suck too."

Josh laughed. Tyler was actually really cool though. Josh really wanted to know more about him and be his friend. "Actually I think it's the spider. Definitely the spider."

"Too far, Joshua. Watch your mouth or you might end up on my hit list after all," Tyler joked, grinning. This was the first proper conversation he'd had in a while. He added a winking emoji to the end of the message to let Josh know that he totally wasn't serious. Then he took the tarantula out of her tank again and sent Josh a video of her walking across his arm and said: "She says hi."

Josh was about to answer his message with a smile when he received the video. He watched it a good three times, taking note of every little detail, the little bit of Tyler's room he could see, the spider, his arm, his voice. Then he sent: "She's pretty."

"She is," Tyler sent back: "The only girl I'll ever love." Josh laughed. Tyler did have a pretty damn good sense of humor. "Aw, Tyler. Who hurt you?" He wrote, knowing that the other boy would sense the sarcasm. Or at least hoped he would. 

"I just don't like girls in general. She's my homoflexible exception," Tyler replied, snorting as he typed. Josh paused. Tyler was gay? Not that it really mattered, as he was bisexual himself. "Woah there. Creepy true crime guy AND a flaming homosexual? I don't know if I can keep talking to you," He grinned. 

"You scared, Joshua?" Tyler questioned, smirking at his phone screen: "Watch out. This gay psychopath might just decide to fuck you with a knife."

Josh didn't answer for a few minutes because he was laughing so hard and even when he managed to pick up his phone and start writing again, he was still grinning down at it, like a total idiot. "Not if I run fast enough," He chuckled and yawned: "This might sound boring to someone like you, but I'm gonna go to sleep now. See you tomorrow, Tyler."

"See you. Sleep tight, don't let the murderers bite," Tyler wrote back, setting his phone down, with a grin on his face. Maybe he'd made a friend. "Joshua is nice, isn't he?" He hummed to the tarantula that was currently perched on his shoulder. Tyler could hear the sound of her legs moving right by his ear and replied as if she had actually said something: "Yeah, I agree."


	2. Choke on smoke

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> [This chapter contains rough smut, mentions of self harm, blood kink and violent thoughts]

The next day, Josh was sat at the courtyard, not really sure if he was waiting for Tyler or Jenna, smiling fondly at the thought that perhaps Tyler would actually be his friend now. 

Tyler had slept for a few hours that night and left to school early, just now realizing that he apparently took the same bus as Jenna. Or well, he wouldn't have realized it, if the girl hadn't pushed past him out of the bus to get to Josh first. Girls. Typical. Tyler didn't want to push in, when Jenna sat down next to Josh, but he did smile at the blue haired boy, where Jenna couldn't see and pointed at her, mouthing "hit list" at him, making Josh stifle a laugh and smirk before looking back at Jenna. 

They had math first and Josh was glad because that meant he got to talk to Tyler more. He sat down on his usual spot, behind Tyler and said: "I forgot to ask what your spider's name is."

"Ms Believer," Tyler replied with a grin, turning on his seat to look at him: "Ms B, for short."

"I like it," Josh grinned then chuckled: "I feel kinda lame now because my dog's name is Cat."

"Why the fuck would you name your dog Cat?" Tyler asked, bursting out laughing. Josh laughed too and shoved his arm lightly: "Because it's fucking funny and I was like twelve!" 

Tyler was just about to reply when the teacher informed them that the class had started and told them to be quiet. Tyler rolled his eyes and whispered: "Hit list."

The blue haired boy shook his head, amused and replied: "You know what? Me too. I hate this asshole."

"We could kill him together," Tyler smirked and Josh laughed softly, deciding to play along: "Yeah, definitely. You bring the knife and we can take him to the countryside in my car and burn his body."

Tyler chuckled and turned back to his own desk, pulling out his decorated notebook and flipping the page. He began drawing on the clean page, humming quietly to himself. Josh pretended to take some notes so that the teacher would think he was paying attention. The drawing Tyler was working on, ended up being a disturbingly detailed one, of the teacher, with his guts spilling out. Then again, most of his art was like that. Josh looked over Tyler's shoulder and chuckled at what he thought, was humorous art and said: "Very detailed. I like it."

Tyler grinned and thanked him, picking up a red pencil to add some finishing touches to it. He finished the drawing just as the teacher walked over. Tyler quickly shut his notebook, before the man could see it and started laughing. Josh couldn't help but chuckle at the expression on Tyler's face and say: "Maybe you are crazy."

"Took you that long to figure that out, Joshie?" Tyler smirked at him. Josh rolled his eyes playfully, at the nickname and replied: "Maybe I'm not as observant as I thought."

"You would've really needed that psychology course," Tyler chuckled. "Joseph! Dun!" The teacher exclaimed: "Is there something you would like to share with the whole class since it seems to be much more important than focusing on my class." Tyler rolled his eyes and replied: "With all due respect, sir, I can give an answer to every calculation in the book and even if I couldn't, this class would still be useless as all hell."

Josh snorted and covered his mouth with his hand as he looked at the teacher who was practically fuming when he hissed: "Tyler Joseph, do you want a trip to the principal's office?"

"No thank you, sir. Already been there twice this year. School shooter suspect and all that," Tyler replied smugly. Josh had to look down to avoid bursting into laughter at how Tyler was handling the situation because that would surely get them both in trouble. That was already the teacher's plan though and he said: "A week of detention. Both of you."

Tyler formed a gun with his fingers and pretended to shoot himself, earning one more glare from the teacher and a grin from Josh. 

After the class ended, Jenna, who had been glaring at them the entire class, grabbed Josh's arm and pulled him outside of the classroom by his arm. "I can't believe you're all best friends with freak Joseph! Look, he already got you in trouble!" 

Josh rolled his eyes and stopped near his locker to talk to her. "He isn't even that creepy. He just likes weird stuff. Besides, I would've gotten in trouble even if I'd been talking to you."

"Oh come on! Who talks about school shootings calmly like that and makes jokes about killing themselves? Oh, that's right! Creepy people who'll grow up to kill their parents with a hammer to the skull in the middle of the night!" She whisper-yelled. Josh actually laughed at her display and shook his head, saying: "He's just joking, Jen. It's all jokes."

"Well they're not funny jokes. If I'd been accused of planning a school shooting, I'd be pretty fucking quiet about it. It's like... He's proud or something," Jenna said: "Look, Josh, I just think that he's gonna snap one day and I don't wanna be anywhere near him when that happens and I'd prefer if my best friend wasn't either."

Josh sighed and glanced at Tyler when he passed them and replied: "Jenna, I'll be fine. Just trust me, yeah?" He winked. 

"I guess I can't stop you even if I wanted to. Just please be careful. I'm not losing my best friend just because he had the hots for a psychopathic killer," Jenna said, making a face at him. Josh laughed and patted her head, promising to be careful, before going after Tyler, deciding to spend his break with him. 

"You freak Jenna out. It's funny," He said when he caught up with Tyler, who had stopped at his locker to get his books out. "Oh yeah? I didn't even realize," Tyler said in a sarcastic tone, smirking at Josh as he closed his locker. 

"She just tried to warn me about you or something," Josh chuckled, taking out a small bag gum, taking one out and offering the bag to Tyler, who took one as well, saying: "She did? Maybe she's right."

"Maybe. If you kill me, she can summon me with an Ouija board and tell me 'I told you so'," Josh laughed. Tyler laughed too and popped the gum into his mouth, sounding amused when he asked: "You're really not scared of me, are you?" 

Josh blew a bubble with his own and shook his head, shrugging: "I'm too interested to be scared. I think you're hilarious."

"Interesting," Tyler hummed, with a grin: "Well, if I do shoot up the school like they all keep suspecting, I'll make sure not to shoot you, yeah?" Josh laughed at that and put the gum back in his pocket, nodding: "Gee, thanks. Means a lot."

Tyler laughed loudly. Josh was funny. He understood the dark humor. "Wanna go to the courtyard?" Josh asked him then and Tyler shrugged: "Sure, why not."

They both headed out the door and went to sit underneath a tree. Tyler leaned against it and sighed deeply: "School sucks."

"Agreed," Josh nodded, sighing too and glanced at Tyler before asking: "Favorite thing to do after school?" 

"Play with Ms B and read up on creepy facts and serial killers," Tyler grinned: "With the occasional surfing on the deep web."

"Why am I not surprised?" Josh grinned: "You said that you don't watch movies and aren't very into pop culture, but do you listen to music?" 

"Yeah, music is pretty cool. Except for all that Drake and fucking Celine whatever shit," Tyler replied with a chuckle. Josh nodded in agreement and laughed a bit, digging out a pack of cigarettes from his bag, offering it to Tyler, asking: "Do you smoke?" Jenna fucking hated it when he smoked, so he hoped that Tyler wasn't like that too. 

"Fuck yes, I smoke," Tyler replied with a grin and took a cigarette from the pack, spitting out his gum. He put the cigarette in his mouth instead and leaned towards Josh to let him light it. Once it was lit, he sighed and inhaled deeply, blowing out the smoke after a while. Josh watched him, humming: "I told myself I was gonna quit, but... Eh."

"Smoking kills," Tyler said sarcastically, in a high-pitched voice, rolling his eyes: "Yeah, exactly, trying to speed this shit up." Josh snorted, lighting his own cigarette before asking: "You wanna die?" 

"Doesn't everyone? At least a little bit?" Tyler chuckled: "Though I'd rather die in, like a super gorey way so I could see my own guts spill out before I die."

Josh choked on smoke from laughing, tapping ashes from his cigarette and called Tyler insane. Tyler simply smirked at him and replied: "I know."

The boy ran a hand though his blue hair and dropped the cigarette but, squishing it under his combat boot. "Wanna hang out after school? I'll let you meet Cat," He asked Tyler, who glanced at him and answered: "Why the fuck not. Sure."

Tyler flashed him a grin and put his cigarette out on the back of his hand with a hum. "Hardcore," Josh laughed, in refrence of him putting the cigarette out on his bare skin and then added: "I drive a blue pickup. Meet me in the parking lot after school?"

"Sounds good to me. See you," Tyler said, smiling at Josh as he got up to head to psychology, all smiles again. Josh waved at him and then headed to composition, sitting on his usual spot to observe Tyler from across the way. 

Tyler was smiling to himself again and Josh couldn't help but enjoy the way he looked when he was happy. It was infectious! Just at this moment though, Tyler glanced out of the window and spotted Josh in the opposite classroom. He smirked and pulled out his phone, sending Josh a DM saying: "Stalker."

Josh cursed himself quietly, turning a bit pink when his phone vibrated. He had known that Tyler would catch him one of these days. He took out his phone and replied: "Just watching you fangirl over like, Richard Ramirez."

Tyler snorted. "Did you just misgender me??" He wrote with a grin. Josh laughed quietly to himself and typed: "There is only one way to freak out over someone and that is to fangirl."

Tyler giggled at that and looked up at Josh through the window, replying: "You could've said 'fanboy'. But whatever, miss Dun." Josh flipped him off through the window before typing: "M'lady."

"Fuck you," Tyler wrote with a grin: "I could rock a fucking skirt." Josh shook his head with a laugh and replied: "I'd pay to see that," then he added: "No, really, how much do you want?" 

"That's gay. Like, really gay," Tyler wrote, smirking. Josh replied smoothly: "Bi, actually." Tyler stifled a laugh at that and answered: "I'll do it for 20 tbh."

Josh gave Tyler a look that was somewhere between amusement and curiosity and typed: "I'll keep that in mind. We can bust open my piggy bank when we get to my place."

Tyler laughed at that and then focused on class again. Josh did the same. The class seemed to just fly past and after it Josh tried not to run to the parking lot, honestly excited to hang out with Tyler. 

Tyler got out of class a little after Josh and went to put his things into his locker, before going to parking lot as well, ignoring Brendon and Pete yelling stuff at him. Today was a good day. 

Josh started up his truck while he waited for the other boy, the engine growling. He turned the radio down when Tyler got in and grinned at him widely, saying: "Oh, hello, ma'am."

"Hit list," Tyler reminded him with a grin, shoving him playfully. Josh laughed and told him to shut up as he shoved him back and pulled out of the school parking lot, making his way towards his house. 

"Don't mess with a guy who literally doesn't care if he dies and has the power to grab the wheel right now and swerve us off this road," Tyler smirked. Josh rolled his eyes and scoffed, letting go of the wheel and putting his hands up. "Oh wow. I'm so scared, I'm shaking in my boots," He said sarcastically and smirked right back at Tyler as he placed his hands back on the wheel. 

"You fucking suck," Tyler told him with a little laugh. "And you swallow," Josh teased as he turned to his street, leaning back on his seat. Tyler flashed him a grin and replied: "Maybe I do," letting out a moan as well. 

Josh shook his head at that, faking a disgusted look and said: "That's so gay." He gagged too, for good measure, just to wind Tyler up. Tyler laughed and sassily replied: "Says the guy who was prepared to pay to see me in a skirt about an hour ago," He smirked widely: "Faaaaag."

"Fuck you," Josh chuckled as he parked the car to his driveway. Tyler's smirk widened and he stepped out of the car, replying: "You couldn't handle me." Before closing the car door and heading to the house. 

"You sound like you think you top," Josh chuckled, stepping out of the car as well, locking the doors, before coming to open the front door for Tyler. They stepped into the house and took off their shoes, starting to walk to Josh's bedroom, when Cat ran down the hall to greet them. Josh patted him on the head with a grin, watching as he ran up to Tyler who kneeled down to pet him as well, saying: "Hey there, Cat. I guess you're pretty cute even though you have a fucking stupid name."

"C'mon faggot. Stop bullying my dog," Josh snorted and peeked out of his room. Tyler laughed and followed him into the room. It was pretty nice actually. A little messy, but it sort of have the room a bit more character. 

Josh lit up another cigarette and sat down on his bed, signaling for Tyler to sit down too, which the brunette did. "So, you've lived here your whole life, right?" Josh asked, blowing out smoke. Tyler nodded and watched Josh take another drag, before taking the cigarette from him and placing it between his own lips, smirking at Josh as he inhaled deeply. Josh hummed at that and took the cigarette right back. Tyler blew out the smoke, right into Josh's face, grinning lazily at him, winking. Josh did it straight back, giving him a playfully dirty look and said: "That was rude."

"You loved it," Tyler chuckled. Josh grinned: "I never said I didn't, you weirdo." He took another drag and handed the smoke to Tyler who finished it, before taking Josh's hand. "It feels nice," He said, staring right into Josh's eyes through the smoke in the air as he put the cigarette out on the other boy's arm. 

Josh hardly flinched at the feeling, but hummed instead. "Nice is a word I'd use for when something soft touches me. That's good, not nice," he smirked. Winding Tyler up was fun. 

"Fine. Then it feels good, you fucking nitpick," Tyler replied rolling his eyes. Josh snorted at that. "Wow, gay and touchy. I'm surprised you aren't carrying a purse," He teased.

"I swear to God, Joshua, I will choke you and not in a good way," Tyler growled, but Josh just smirked and replied: "How did you guess my kink so easily?" 

"It's not kinky anymore when you're six feet underground," Tyler pointed out, making Josh laugh. "You don't know that," The blue haired boy said, obviously teasing him and maybe egging him on, just a little bit: "Maybe that's how I wanna go."

"Yeah? That so?" Tyler hummed and easily climbed onto his lap, looking down at him, eyes sharp and observant. Josh raised an eyebrow. Tyler was pretty forward. Not that it bothered him much. "Not for real, but I'm sure you'd like it if I was being serious."

"Uh-huh," Tyler smirked, trailing his hand up to Josh's throat: "I definitely wouldn't mind my first kill being a pretty boy like you."

Josh hummed when Tyler's hand closed around his throat, staring up at him and warned: "Keep doing that and our hanging out is gonna turn into something else."

"I wouldn't mind that either," Tyler said, squeezing Josh's throat lightly and smirking. "Oh yeah?" Josh hummed, trailing his hands up Tyler's thighs to his hips. "Yeah," Tyler said, squeezing harder. 

Josh was rapidly getting more and more turned on. He gripped Tyler's thin hips, smirking up at him. "Wow, you're one kinky fuck," Tyler told him with an amused chuckle and completely cut off Josh's air momentarily, just to see his reaction. He wouldn't actually kill him though the thought of watching the life leave someone's eyes was tempting. He'd seen many videos like that during his surfing on the deepest, darkest corners of the deep web, but he was sure that they didn't compare to the real thing. 

Josh laughed breathlessly and moved his hands up to Tyler's waist, where he squeezed impossibly tightly, sure that he was leaving bruises. Tyler eased the pressure around Josh's throat after a while, when the older boy looked like he was about to pass out and smirked down at him. 

Josh was rock hard underneath Tyler's weight by then. He gasped out for breath and smirked right back. "Fuck yeah," He breathed out and rolled Tyler to his back, climbing on top of him to push his shirt up. Tyler made a sound when Josh did this and stared up at him. 

"So, what are your kinks?" Josh asked him with a smirk. Tyler grinned up at him and replied: "I like to bleed. Bruise. Hurt."

"Somehow I sorta figured that out," Josh grinned and moved down to bite down on Tyler's neck and pressed his boner between his legs, making him moan and scrape his nails down Josh's chest. Josh chuckled and flipped them back over, so that Tyler was on top and slid his hands into his jeans, above his underwear so he could grope his ass, saying: "Choke me again."

Tyler did just that, pressing down on Josh's throat roughly, while grinding down against his hips. Man, Josh hadn't been this turned on in a long time. He moaned and squeezed Tyler's ass, before pulling at his jeans. "Fuck yesss," He groaned. 

"Fuck, Josh," Tyler growled and leaned down to kiss him aggressively, biting down on his bottom lip so hard it drew blood. Josh didn't even mind this. He just let him, moaning into his mouth. "Pants off. Now," He grunted, tugging at the younger boy's jeans. Tyler helped him by kicking his pants and underwear off and licked the blood off of his lip. Josh left his mouth open, enjoying the way Tyler's tongue felt. He gripped Tyler's length and started to jerk him off slowly, pressing his still restrained bulge against him. 

Tyler started to unbuckle Josh's belt, mumbling about how good his blood tasted. "Yeah?" Josh hummed, breathlessly: "I bet my cock tastes even better."

"Want me to suck it?" Tyler asked immediately, unbuttoning and unzipping Josh's jeans once he got the belt off, staring up at him as he moved down between his legs, tugging his jeans and underwear down. Josh groaned at that and gripped Tyler's hair tightly. "Fuck yeah I do," He said, slapping Tyler's cheek with his cock a few times. Tyler glared up at him and took his cock into his mouth, putting the teasing to a stop, easily sinking all the way down, though he did gag a bit. Josh moaned, his grip on Tyler's hair tightening as he watched his cock disappear into that sinful mouth. Who knew it would be that easy to get into his pants! 

Tyler watched him the whole time, his intense eyes looking like they could see straight into his soul as he sucked his cock greedily. Josh loved the fucking killer look Tyler was giving him. Fuck. "Mmh, roll over," He said then: "Gonna fuck that pretty face."

Tyler did as Josh told him, catching his breath for a moment. God, this was fucking good. He reached down to scratch at his own thigh, needing to feel some sort of pain. Josh watched him do this and pinched the boy's nipples a few times, before getting on top of him and pushing his cock back into his mouth, starting to fuck his mouth. 

Tyler made a filthy sound around the cock in his mouth, eyes watering as he gagged. Yes. It had been good before but now it was perfect. He dug his nails into his own thigh, moaning when he felt a warm spurt of blood on his fingers. Perfect. 

Josh didn't think he'd had a blood kink before, but he sure as fuck did now, especially as he leaned down to lap it up from Tyler's thigh. Tyler groaned. He was close and he'd barely been touched yet. Josh licked up the red liquid, surprised that he liked the taste so much, growling: "Gonna cum for me?" 

"Mmmh," Tyler whimpered, thighs trembling and eyes rolling back with pleasure. Josh wrapped a hand around Tyler's cock then, eager to get him off as well as he came down his throat without warning.

Tyler came right after Josh, swallowing around him and gagging loudly. Josh grinned when Tyler came and pulled out of his mouth, turning around to lay the same way as Tyler, playing with the puddle of cum on Tyler's stomach. "Damn," He said. 

"Fuck," Tyler breathed out dazedly and looked over at Josh with a grin as he said: "That wasn't too bad." Josh flipped him off and licked the cum from his finger before replying, with a laugh: "Not too bad? Jesus. Way to make a guy feel god about his sex game."

"I'm teasing! It was fucking hot!" Tyler laughed: "Jenna will be pissed at you." He made his voice higher, imitating Josh's best friend: "Oh my God, Josh! You put your dick inside the scary, creepy psychopath!" 

Josh laughed hard again and rolled onto his side to face him, grinning lazily: "I don't care. She doesn't know how good that felt."

"Mmmmh," Tyler hummed, grinning right back at him, as he pulled his boxers back on: "Next time you should be the one making me bleed though, so that I don't have to do it myself."

"Next time?" Josh smirked and reached out for another cigarette, not making a move to get dressed: "Yeah, maybe I should. Maybe I'll make you beg for it."

"We both know you want a next time and yeah, maybe you should do that," Tyler smirked, making Josh chuckle. "Alright. Damn," Josh said and held the smoke out to Tyler's lips, letting him take a drag from it, before asking: "Wanna go to the lake? My mom's gonna come home soon and she's a real bitch. Don't wanna mess with her."

"Or you could come over to my place and I could watch you freak out over Ms Believer. I live by myself so we don't have to worry about parents," Tyler replied, grinning: "Your choice. Serial killer's lair or a secluded area where I could potentially drown you?"

"I'll go with serial killer's lair. Just because I wanna meet her," Josh replied, laughing and finally starting to dress himself. Tyler nodded, smiling brightly and put on the rest of his clothes before heading back to the car, skipping, light on his feet. 

Josh chuckled at the sight of the darkly dressed, so-called creepy boy skipping about like a child, smiling widely as they got to the car and pulled out from the yard, Tyler directing Josh where to go. 

When they arrived at Tyler's apartment building and Josh had parked the car, he turned to Tyler and asked: "How are you living alone at seventeen? How do you manage? Emancipated?" 

"My parents have a lot of money and they didn't like me living in the same house as them, so they proposed I move to my own place and they pay my bills and food for me and obviously I said yes because I probably hated living with them more than they hated living with me," Tyler replied with a chuckle: "I was too weird for their perfect facade they like to put up for their rich friends. But I'm not mad. I didn't want any part in it anyway."

Josh snorted at that and nodded. They both got out of the car and headed inside, to the second floor and then into Tyler's apartment. Tyler headed straight for his room, signaling Josh to follow and took Ms Believer out of her rank, smiling fondly. "Say hi to Josh," He said, grinning when Josh stepped into the room. Josh grinned back and walked over, lightly touching the spider's hairy abdomen, saying: "She's pretty."

"She really is. Wanna hold her?" Tyler hummed and Josh nodded, holding out a hand for the tarantula to climb onto. Surely, she did and Josh sat down on the edge of Tyler's bed, watching her as he asked: "How'd you come up with that name? Ms Believer?" 

"It's wordplay actually. See, Ms Believer sounds like misbeliever, y'know, someone who believes in all the "wrong" things, religiously or not. And she's a girl, so I decided to name her Ms Believer."

A slow smile grew on Josh's face and he looked up at Tyler as the spider began to climb up his arm. "I like it," Josh grinned and Tyler chuckled, pointing at Ms B, who was now perched on Josh's shoulder, saying: "And she likes you."

"Good. We'll be great friends now," Josh smiled, touching her leg lightly. Tyler watched them and grinned: "You're a weird guy, Joshua."

"So are you, Tyler," Josh replied, still smiling and shrugged: "It evens out, I guess." Tyler nodded at that: "Yeah. But I've never really met a guy so much like me before."

Were they really that similar? In reality they were rather different, Josh thought. But then again, Josh understood Tyler in a way that most people probably didn't. Maybe that's what made them similar. Understanding, or at least trying really hard to. "I'm honored," He chuckled and pulled Tyler on the bed next to him. 

Tyler grinned and went to put Ms B back into her tank before laying down next to Josh again. Josh stared at Tyler's ceiling as he pulled out another cigarette. "Do you believe in God?" He asked then. Tyler thought for a moment before shrugging: "I don't know. If he exists, he's a real dick though. Do you?" 

Josh shook his head and rolled to his side to face Tyler, the chain on his belt making a clanging sound as he did. He lit the cigarette and let Tyler take a few puffs from it. "No, I don't think so anyway. I believe in more spiritual things rather than just sticking to rules in a book written by assholes a bajillion years ago."

"Yeah, makes sense to me," Tyler nodded: "I was friends with a Satanist once. And not like a modern Satanist, LeVeyan or whatever, no. She was like, a full blown cult member. She was pretty cool."

Josh took a hit from the cigarette and blew the smoke in Tyler's face, humming: "Yeah? Satanists are cool. Why aren't you friends anymore?"

"I'm pretty sure she died, in like a ritual or something," Tyler said, inhaling the smoke: "She told me one day that her and some other crazy fucks from whatever cult they called themselves were literally going to try to summon a demon and I never saw her after that. I went to the so-called leader's house and he told me he'd shoot me if I didn't shut the fuck up and stop asking questions. So I did. I think that they literally sacrificed her to the Devil or something, thinking that he'd actually come and talk to them or something. She would've been happy about that though. Her little cult was really the only stable thing in her life. I thought about joining too, but their stuff was too crazy for me. I think the leader guy had like, written his own book for their own form of Satanism. Weird shit. But she believed in it and she was happy so hey, who am I to judge?"

Josh was quiet for a moment, trying to decide whether he believed Tyler or not. Then again, why would he lie about something like that? "Well damn," He breathed out and Tyler shrugged: "Yeah, it was kinda weird." He thought about her sometimes, but he didn't really feel sad about it. He never really felt sad about anything. 

"I guess if she was happy..." Josh hummed, laying down on his back. He stayed silent for a moment before asking: "Wanna fuck?" And put his cigarette out on Tyler's hand. 

Tyler snorted at the straightforward question. "You gonna make me bleed this time so that I don't have to do it myself?" He questioned. "Mmmh," Josh hummed, pulling out a pocket knife he'd gotten for Christmas and carried around just for the hell of it. He figured Tyler would probably like that. Tyler made him feel so calm about these things, even if most of the things Tyler liked set him a bit on edge, whether he realized it or not. 

"Now that's what I'm talking about," Tyler grinned. Josh laughed and sat up, pulling his shirt off before pushing Tyler up the bed some to get his jeans off. Tyler laid back and watched him with sharp eyes, lifting his hips up to help Josh get his pants off. His hips and thighs were full of cuts he'd made himself, interested in the feeling. Josh took more notice in the scars and newer cuts this time, leaning down to lick over a fresh one. Then, he lazily dragged his knife down his soft thigh, watching little droplets of blood spring up and stain the scarred skin. "Do you cut yourself because you wanna die or because it's fun?" He asked curiously. 

"Because it's fun," Tyler replied immediately, arching his back a bit: "I like the way it feels. It makes me feel good. It makes me fucking feel something."

"Do you not normally feel?" Josh asked, digging the knife a bit deeper. Fuck, he was getting hard from this. Tyler inhaled sharply at the feeling and replied: "Not a lot. Not the way you do. My feelings are mockery of the normal ones."

Josh wanted to taste more blood. He had liked the odd, tinny taste from before. "Does it bother you that you don't feel like everyone else?" Josh asked him, before latching onto the fresh cut on Tyler's thigh, licking and sucking on it. 

"Not really, ah-" Tyler gasped out: "I do get excited and happy sometimes, I guess-" 

"Yeah?" Josh hummed, pulling off, his lips bloody. He smiled up at Tyler, starting to suck on his balls. Tyler nodded, breathing heavily: "I don't think I've ever really been sad or angry properly. Not overjoyed either. Only when I hurt, I feel strongly but I can't pinpoint what it is that I feel. But it--ah, fuck- it feels good-" 

That was different. Maybe Tyler was like a psychopath or something. "You E ever been to therapy?" He questioned, staring up at him and making another cut on him, on his inner thigh this time, making him whimper softly. 

"When I was younger. They couldn't do shit," Tyler replied, breath hitching a little: "They just said that I was showing some serious psychopathic tendencies."

So, he was a psychopath then. "Do you think you did?" Josh asked, continuing to lick and suck and cut here and there, leaving a few hickeys on the way as well. "Yeah. That's why it was pointless, I already knew," Tyler nodded, thrusting his hips up into friction that didn't exist. 

Josh smirked and took the head of Tyler's cock into his mouth, only humming in response, as he was a bit preoccupied. 

"Fuck, Josh-" Tyler groaned, gripping the sheets: "Want you to fuck me. Want you in me."

"Yeah?" Josh hummed after pulling off Tyler's cock and scratching down his hips. Tyler nodded vigorously and whined: "Yes. Want you to split me open, Josh-" 

"Beg for it, then," Josh smirked, licking his lips. Tyler stilled underneath him, looking up at him and snorted: "Like hell I will." Josh shrugged then, starting to pull his pants up and closing his knife as he spoke: "I'll just go fuck some girl then. Maybe Debby from chemistry? Think she'll want me to cut her up?"

Tyler's eyes widened at that and he gripped Josh's arm. "Josh, wait no, you can't leave me like this," He said, pride forgotten. Sue him. He really wanted a cock inside of him preferably five minutes ago: "Please."

Josh flashed him a dangerous grin and leaned down to crash their lips together roughly, pants falling back down. "That's what I thought," He mumbled against Tyler's lips, rubbing the head of his cock against his entrance. 

"Fucking tear me apart," Tyler growled. That was all it took for Josh to pull away from the kiss long enough to spit into his palm and get his cock lubed up with it, not wanting to hurt Tyler too much as he pushed in roughly. He leaned back down to kiss Tyler possessively, biting down on his lip, making him fucking mewl for him. He picked up a quick, rough rhythm. 

Tyler practically screamed, shaking underneath Josh. It hurt, it hurt a lot, but in the best possible way for Tyler, making him moan: "Yes, Josh! Fucking yes, so good!" 

Josh hummed and slid a hand underneath Tyler's low back, making him arch it. "Fuck yes, Tyler. Fucking take it," He growled, bottoming out a few times, biting Tyler's neck as he did. Tyler's nails dug into Josh's shoulders, his breath hitching with every inhale. "Godshitfuckingfuck, Josh!" He grit out. Josh smirked against his neck, pressing the knife down against his thigh as he mumbled: "Yeah, that's right. Come for me."

Tyler came at the feeling of the knife breaking his delicate skin, calling out Josh's name loudly. Josh grinned. He could get used to hearing that. He pulled out and jerked himself over the boy's stomach, coating it with cum. "So fucking hot," He hummed, just as Tyler breathed out: "Christ, that was hot."

Josh's grin widened and he mouthed on Tyler's neck for a moment before saying: "I should go soon."

"Yeah, you should," Tyler agreed, sitting up to admire the fresh cuts on his legs, running his fingers over them. "These are deep," He hummed: "Thank you." Josh gave a crooked smile and pulled on the rest of his clothes, smirking: "You're welcome. I'll do it again anytime."

"Great. I'll look forward to it," Tyler chuckled and laid back down on the bed, not bothering with clothes as he would have to take a shower soon anyway. Josh nodded and bent down, licking up the last bit of blood from Tyler's thigh, smirked at him, lit a cigarette and walked out without another word. Tyler didn't mind this, just watched him leave with an uninterested expression on his face. He heard the door open, then close and he reached into his bedside drawer to light up a cigarette of his own. 

Josh drove home, feeling good about the fact that he'd gotten laid (twice too, his lucky day). Honestly, Tyler was really cool as a person as well. Maybe they could still be friends after this and occasionally fuck like that again. Josh wouldn't mind that. 

Tyler finished his cigarette and went to take a shower, watching the blood run down the drain, mixed with water and then went back to bed, excited to see how sore he would be the next day. He did take a picture of his cut up thigh for his Instagram and put a smiley face in the caption, posting it. Josh got the notification when he posted, as always, grinning when he saw the picture, remembering how Tyler's blood had tasted on his tongue. He liked the picture immediately this time. 

Tyler chuckled when he saw that Josh had liked the picture, only about a minute after he posted it and shot him a DM, saying: "Be careful. Jenna might see you liking my posts," before setting his phone down without waiting for the reply. Tonight, he was actually tired. 

Josh hummed when he got the message and sent: "Let her," before plugging in his phone as well and laying down on his bed, exhausted.


	3. Daze

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> [This chapter contains depersonalization, mentions of suicidal thoughts, blood kink, smut and s/m]

The following morning, Tyler was indeed really fucking sore and smiling the entire bus ride, getting a scared look from Jenna who was sitting few seats in front of him. Tyler rolled his eyes. Bitch. 

Once they were at the school, Jenna rushed to Josh who was sitting at the courtyard as usual. He took off his headphones upon seeing her and she immediately began speaking: "Tyler was grinning like a fucking maniac in the bus. Did you two hang out yesterday? Debby told me she saw him getting into your car after school yesterday. What happened? Did he do something to you?" 

Josh smirked at that and gently patted her arm. "More like I did something to him," he replied calmly, making Jenna's eyes go wide. "What?" She squeaked. Josh laughed softly and told her to calm down as he stood up, shoving his headphones into his bag. She didn't give up so easily though and insisted that Josh told her what the hell he meant. Josh glanced at Tyler who walked past them, on his way to class and put an arm around Jenna's shoulders, trying to calm her down and said: "We just messed around, that's all."

"Oh my God, ew!" She exclaimed, then quieted down: "Did you have sex?" Josh laughed again and shrugged: "Yeah. It's not a big deal, Jen."

Jenna made a face at him, but didn't say anything more and walked him to the door of his English classroom, a class he shared with Tyler, but not Jenna, unlike math. Josh waved at her and went into the classroom, looking at Tyler who was already sitting at his desk, looking a bit spaced out. 

Tyler absently took out his notebook and pencilcase, setting them down on his desk and scratching at his thighs. He'd been feeling good this morning but now he was having a very weird day. He felt really out of it. That happened lot, so it wasn't new to him, but it was still weird to feel even more emotionless and dazed as usually. Everything felt dull, but also a bit distorted at the same time. Kind of like he was tripping out, except without all of the fun. 

Josh watched Tyler, noticing that there was something off about him now, though he'd looked fine when he'd walked past earlier. He wanted to observe for a moment without asking, but when Tyler didn't open his notebook and start drawing like he always did in English class, Josh had to ask: "Are you okay? Besides being a psychopath, of course."

Tyler stared forward blankly for a moment, before he suddenly seemed to realize that he was being spoken to and jerked a bit, mumbling: "Huh?" Josh chuckled at that and leaned closer to whisper: "I asked if you were alright. You seem out of it."

"Oh. Yeah. Weird day. Out of place," Tyler replied jerkily, a small period of silence between each word, making him sound almost robotic. Josh furrowed his eyebrows at that, actually a bit concerned now and asked if Tyler wanted to talk about it at lunch, getting a shrug from the smaller boy, before he went back to staring blankly forward. Josh didn't say anything more after that, though he was still a bit confused. 

Class passed by, an insignificant event in Tyler's life and after the teacher told them they could leave, Tyler took some time to slowly put all of his stuff into his backbag. He wasn't scared of the way he was feeling, it was just frustrating because he didn't know when it would end. The longest time had been about three months, passed by in a complete blur, like he'd been on drugs, just so much more dull. 

Josh watched Tyler do this, worry written across his features, but he didn't have much time to think about it, because Jenna walked into the classroom and pulled him into the hallway, the sudden movement causing his pack of cigarettes to fall out of his pocket. He hurried to pick it up, but Jenna had seen it already and snatched the pack from him. "Seriously, Josh?!" She exclaimed: "I told you to stop smoking before you get cancer, you absolute idiot! Look what hanging out with Tyler is doing to you!" Josh merely rolled his eyes and snatched it back, mumbling: "I never stopped, Jen."

Tyler walked past them then, flinching a bit at Jenna's high-pitched voice though it wasn't aimed at him. Jenna didn't even look at him, staring up at Josh instead, eyes filled with disbelief and anger. She shook her head at him and turned to walk away. Josh was conflicted, after seeing Tyler and considered going after him instead, but he'd just have to handle himself for now. He sighed deeply to himself and ran after Jenna, calling out her name: "Jenna, c'mon!" 

"C'mon?" Jenna exclaimed, whipping around to face Josh again, stopping dead on her tracks as she started going off on him: "You lied straight to my face about quitting smoking and God knows what else you've lied about! I don't even feel like your best friend anymore, since Tyler has apparently taken my place!" 

"You're still my best friend, Jenna," Josh sighed, ignoring the stares from the other students in the hall: "And he's not even that weird! You just don't know him. And yeah, okay, I lied about smoking, but only because I knew you'd freak out about it."

"Oh and you know him so well! You started talking to him, then screwed him and now you're suddenly a Joseph expert?" Jenna hissed in reply: "I'm not sure if I even know you anymore, Josh."

Josh sighed again and took Jenna's arm, pulling her to the stairwell, away from the other students and said: "Look, Jen, I'm really sorry for lying. He just interests me, that's all. You're still my number one girl, you know that." Jenna looked up at him, looking defeated and replied: "I'm just scared Josh. You're my best friend and I don't want you to die of fucking cancer or something or most definitely get murdered by some psycho just because you were interested in him. I just--I don't know what to do if you don't tell me the truth. How am I gonna trust you?"

Josh pulled her into a tight hug, face in her pretty blonde hair. He rubbed her back calmingly for a moment before pulling back and promising not to lie to her anymore and asking her to at least give Tyler a chance. "Okay fine, but he still creeps me out," Jenna replied with a little huff and Josh laughed, nodding: "Me too."

"You're so fucking weird, Josh," Jenna said, rolling her eyes though she let out a little laugh: "Let's go to class or we'll be late."

Josh nodded and gave her a grin and a thumbs up, heading the opposite direction. "Wanna hang out after school?" He called out after her then. Jenna looked back at him and replied: "Don't you have detention, smart guy?" 

"After it then! I'll buy us ice cream!" Josh replied, his laughter echoing across the hall. Jenna laughed a little too, saying: "That's a promise then, Dun!" Before running to her next class like the good student she was. Josh chuckled at that and headed to chemistry, spending the entire class on his phone because there was a substitute and substitutes never got an ounce of respect at this school, especially when the poor guy couldn't have been much older than them. 

Tyler was out of it, not even able to focus in psychology. He dragged himself to the cafeteria after though, remembering that Josh had said something about lunch. He didn't really care if Josh came or not, but he decided to go sit there anyway. 

Josh told Jenna that he wanted to check on Tyler at lunch and after giving him a pretty annoyed look, she sighed and told him to run along then. Josh offered her an apologetic smile before hurrying to the cafeteria. He spotted Tyler pretty quickly as most people were usually outside or in the halls at lunch. He plopped down next to Tyler at the table, as he was sitting alone. "Hey, what's up? Wanna go outside to smoke and talk about it?" He asked, worry pretty clear in his voice. 

Tyler took a moment to look up at him, looking a bit confused for a moment as if trying to figure out what Josh had just said, then shrugged in reply. Josh blinked and clasped his hands on the table, looking at them instead of at Tyler and mumbled: "I mean, we don't have to talk about it of you don't wanna, but I thought I'd just check that I hadn't done anything wrong."

"It's not you," Tyler spoke up then: "It just happens sometimes. Dunno why. Some mental thing. I just feel like I'm on drugs and not on the good kind. I feel bored. Dull. Blurry."

"Like Blurryface?" Josh asked carefully, trying to gain a slightly better understanding of the situation at hand so that maybe he could do something to help. Tyler shrugged again and hummed: "Not really, but--I feel out of control. Like I'm not really living and someone else is doing it for me and I'm just kinda there, moving along. So maybe."

The blue haired boy picked off some peeling white nail polish from his thumb and sighed deeply: "I wish I knew some way to help you."

"I don't need help," Tyler replied: "I doesn't make me feel sad. I don't feel sad. It's just weird and frustrating as fuck. But I'm used to it. Being in the backseat of my life is nothing new. Oh, that was a bit poetic, wasn't it? Do I sound insane?" 

"You don't sound insane," Josh chuckled, nudging Tyler's shoulder a little bit: "But it did sound a bit poetic. I think that kinda thing comes naturally to you, though." Tyler smiled a bit at that, not because he found it necessarily funny or anything, just out of habit. Josh hummed and messed with his camouflage jacket for a moment, before asking Tyler how long this type of thing usually lasted. 

"From a day to a few months," Tyler replied with a deep sigh. Josh gave him a reassuring smile and put a hand on his arm, saying: "Let's hope it's just for today, yeah?" 

"I guess," Tyler nodded, furrowing his eyebrows and looking at Josh's hand on his arm. He wasn't used to comfort like this. Josh immediately pulled his hand back when he saw Tyler making a face and hurriedly said: "Sorry. I should've asked if it's okay to touch you."

"No, it's--It's fine. I'm just not used to it," Tyler answered, looking up at Josh. Josh nodded and slowly put his hand back on Tyler's forearm gently and smiled at him when he asked: "So, it's okay if I do this?" He could be pretty touchy-feely when he was in that sort of a mood. Tyler nodded at that. He felt pretty neutral about it, like he felt about most things right now. 

"I'm gonna hang out with Jenna today," Josh told him, keeping his hand there, slowly moving it up and down in a calming movement: "But we can hang out again tomorrow if you want."

"Sure. Maybe. I don't know. Do we have detention today?" Tyler mumbled, eyes fixed on Josh's finger that was now tracing shapes into his arm. Josh nodded and confirmed that they did indeed have detention. Tyler nodded, watching Josh's finger absently, looking a bit confused. He was so gentle now. Yesterday those fingers had been so rough all over him. Josh continued this for a while longer before offering Tyler a piece of gum. 

"No thanks. I'll probably space out and choke on it," Tyler declined, letting out a dry chuckle. Josh shrugged and put both pieces in his mouth, checking his phone, before asking: "What's your favorite color? Red, probably?" 

"Blue," Tyler said without a second of hesitation, much to Josh's surprise and added: "I like the way blood looks, I think it's pretty. I think red is a pretty color but it's not my favorite. Blue is."

Josh looked surprised for a moment and then broke into a soft smile. His hair was blue. "I like blue too," He said. Tyler looked up at him and blinked a few times before saying: "Oh. I didn't even notice that your hair was blue before. Or I did. But I didn't really notice. If that makes any sense at all."

Josh nodded and looked up at his fluffy blue hair, eyes crossing momentarily. "Yeah, I get what you mean. I change it so often that most people have stopped paying attention," He said. Tyler nodded at that and said then: "Blue is a sad color."

"Yeah. I guess it kinda is. Some blue things are happy though. Like the sky sometimes. The ocean is sorta sad though," Josh replied and Tyler nodded, gesturing to himself as he spoke: "When I'm like this, everything looks gray, like you're watching a black and white film. Of course I don't actually loose my perception of color, but it really feels like that. Like, I know that the ocean and sky are blue, but they're black tight now."

Josh looked at him for a moment, before touching the boy's shoulder gently and saying: "I think that's the most normal thing anyone has ever said to me." Tyler frowned: "Yeah? You feel like that too?" 

"Sometimes, yeah," Josh nodded: "Not quite the same way as you though. It's more like... I see more of the color that I associate with certain moods and feelings. But you're right though, blue is sad." Tyler stared at him for a moment and nodded slowly. They were probably opposites in this. While his feelings were just a teaser of what Josh felt on a day to day basis, the numbness hit him twice as hard. "It's called depersonalization. What I feel. It's really difficult to explain."

"Never heard of it, but I believe you," Josh replied, staring back at him intently. Tyler shrugged: "It's just basically a dissociation thing where you don't feel like yourself or like... Things around you don't feel real or you feel like the real you is elsewhere. I honestly don't really give a fuck about what it's called, but that's what the doctors say anyway."

Josh chuckled at Tyler's careless attitude towards something that could actually be a pretty serious thing. "I like you, Joseph," He said, smiling. Tyler let out a little laugh out of habit before replying: "I'm too dazed to feel shit right now, but you're not too bad either, Dun."

Josh laughed a bit and looked up when people started to get up and drag themselves towards the classrooms. Looked like lunch was about to end. Josh glanced at the clock and his doubts were confirmed."Guess I'll see you in detention," He said, still smiling as he got up. 

"Yeah," Tyler nodded, not looking up at Josh, seemingly back in his own thoughts. Josh glanced back at him once more, before leaving the cafeteria for PE. How fun. Tyler eventually went to class as well, thinking. The conversation with Josh had been... Good? Normally it would've made his day better but today it didn't really make a difference. He still felt like a backseat passenger in his own body. 

By the time it was detention time, Josh was pretty tired. He sat at the back of the room, head against the wall and legs propped up on the desk in front of him, eyes closed as he listened to music. Tyler came in a few minutes after him, sitting at the front of the class, head in his desk. Josh blinked his eyes open when he heard the thud of Tyler's head hitting the desk and took out his headphones that were blasting metal. He chuckled and said: "Tyler, you're allowed to sit by people."

Tyler mumbled something into his desk and moved his shoulders in a way that could've been a shrug. Josh sighed and slid off of his desk, going to sit behind Tyler, leaning in close to his ear to say: "The teacher usually goes to the janitor's closet to watch porn during detention. You don't have to be a model student."

"I'm not bein' a model student," Tyler mumbled and Josh said that he was just joking. "Well, you're shitty at joking," Tyler sighed then. Josh's face fell at that and he apologized quietly. Tyler sighed again. He'd upset Josh. He could hear it in his voice. Still, he couldn't bring himself to care at all. Usually he could at least convince himself to apologize, but not now. Not when everything was black and white. 

Josh knew Tyler was messed up right now, so he didn't take it to heart too much and let it go, offering Tyler a cigarette: "Someone taped up the smoke detectors a long time ago."

"Sure," Tyler said, glad that Josh didn't start crying about it. Josh handed him a smoke and let him place it between his lips before reaching around to light it. Tyler let him and once the cigarette was lit, he took a long drag out of it. It made him feel like some color was coming back into the world, as light shades of pastels that disappeared right away when he exhaled the smoke. 

Josh leaned across his desk to rest his chin on Tyler's shoulder, blowing out smoke around the boy's neck. "What're you thinking about?" He asked. 

"Nothing and everything at the same time," Tyler sighed: "Living. Dying. Living. Dying. Living."

"Which one do you want more? Living or dying?" Josh asked, touching Tyler's Adam's apple lightly. "I haven't figured that part out yet," The brunette replied: "Probably living right now. Maybe tomorrow I'll want to die. Maybe the day after that I'll die. I'm fucking impulsive."

"I kinda like the fact that you're impulsive," Josh said, eyes flickering up to Tyler's face. He had a really nice side profile. Josh wondered what he would look like as a complete adult. Probably handsome since he was pretty cute now. 

"Yeah?" Tyler hummed: "I'm gonna snap one day. I know it. And it's gonna end with me killing myself or someone else." He tapped ashes off his cigarette. Josh blew out smoke, lips touching Tyler's neck as he said: "Maybe you will."

"I know I will. Is it weird if that doesn't scare me?" Tyler asked. Josh shook his head: "No. It's not weird." Tyler was really messed up right now so Josh just went with it. 

"Okay," Tyler breathed out and leaned into Josh's touch, chair tipping slightly. Josh put an arm over Tyler's shoulder, practically laying on his own desk as he sighed: "I wish I was hanging out with you today."

"Why? Are you horny?" Tyler asked, furrowing his eyebrows. Josh snorted and shook his head again: "No. I liked hanging out with you before we fucked." Tyler looked even more confused at that, as if he couldn't believe that someone would genuinely enjoy his company. Josh sighed and put his cigarette out on his boot this time and said: "I told you that I think you're pretty cool."

Tyler nodded and put his own smoke out on his arm like usually, really pressing it in. Again, a small burst of color that was gone in a flash. Josh leaned in again and kissed Tyler's neck for a while, getting a pleased sound from the other boy. "How's my favorite spider?" Josh asked then, pulling away for a bit. 

"She's fine. I fed her this morning," Tyler answered and Josh asked him what she ate, getting a simple reply of: "Insects," in reply, before Tyler elaborated by adding: "Sometimes I buy them from the store. Sometimes she catches some herself."

"Really?" Josh grinned: "That's pretty cool. I wish I had a cool pet. Like a snake."

"Why don't you get one?" Tyler asked and Josh shrugged: "I don't know. Maybe you can come with me and pick one out some day."

"Maybe," Tyler agreed, nodding, before asking Josh how long it had been. Josh looked at the clock and informed that they had five more minutes to go, leaning in again to nibble on Tyler's ear lightly. Tyler smelled like dirt and grass after the rain, with a hint of smoke, in the best possible way. 

"What're you doing?" Tyler asked him, shivering a little bit. Josh's touches were relaxing in a way though. Josh shrugged and mumbled: "I dunno. Taking you in." He had to feel and touch and smell a person to really know them, as strange as that sounded. He just had to. 

"Okay," Tyler replied, not really seeing anything wrong with it. This went on for those five minutes, until the teacher came in and told them that they were free to leave. Josh promised to talk to Tyler later, getting a nod from the boy as they went their separate ways. Tyler took the bus home and just went straight to sleep, exhausted. Josh on the other hand, walked to his truck, spotting Jenna in the passenger's seat. She had an extra pair of keys for the car, so Josh didn't question it when he got in. 

"How was detention, troublemaker?" Jenna asked with a grin. Josh rolled his eyes and told her to shut up before driving them to the nearest store to get the ice cream he'd promised. He then drove them to their usual spot at a nice lake a few miles away from the center of town. During the weekends, there were a lot of families with kids, but weeknights were usually quiet and nice. 

The two of them went to sit at the back of the pickup, by the water to eat their ice cream cones. After a moment of silence, Jenna said: "I forgive you by the way."

Josh laughed and licked his ice cream. "I'm glad," He said, grinning at her: "It would suck to lose you as my best friend."

"That's right. Your life would be so boring without me and you'd miss me too much," Jenna smirked: "So, don't fuck up, Dun. You're still on thin ice."

"I'll make sure not to," Josh promised with a genuine smile. Jenna smiled back at him. Then it slowly turned into an evil grin and she shoved her ice cream cone into Josh's nose, getting vanilla ice cream all over his face and shirt. Josh made a surprised noise and pushed her off, laughing. 

"Jenna, what the hell!?" He exclaimed and grabbed her by the wrist, pinning her to the bed of his pickup before rubbing his face all over her cheek. She screamed and laughed, pushing him off. "Fuck you," She laughed, wiping her face on her arm, glad that she hadn't been wearing much makeup. 

"Fuck /you/," Josh shot back playfully and Jenna chuckled: "No thanks. I don't want a dick that's been inside of Tyler Joseph inside of me. Besides, I bet it's tiny," She teased. 

Josh shoved her and scoffed, telling her to shut her mouth. "I have a very magnum dong, than you very much," He said, causing Jenna to howl with laughter. Josh flipped her off, before laying on his back and looking up at the dimming sky, laughing: "You're crazy, Jen."

"Well, you're a psychopath fucker so I think we're even," Jenna smirked, laying down too. 

"Fuck you!" Josh exclaimed, shaking his head and laughing. "He was a damn good lay," He added then, knowing that his best friend would find that disgusting. 

"Ew, Josh!" She yelled, faking a gagging sound and swatting his arm before saying: "Your mom was a good lay."

"Shut up," Josh laughed, making kissing sounds next to her ear. They really could be like a pair of fifth graders sometimes. They were silent for a while, before Josh said: "I like him." His tone was much more serious now. Jenna glanced at him and asked: "What's so interesting about him?" 

Josh looked away from her, playing with the chain on his jeans. "I don't know. I wish I did. There's just something about him. I mean, he's definitely a psychopath, he admitted that to me too, but--I'm not scared of him or anything like that. And he's just, ugh--I don't know!" Josh attempted to explain, turning a bit red then and mumbled: "Jesus, I sound like a fucking girl. No offense."

"Holy shit, you actually have a crush on him," Jenna said in disbelief. Though she had never taken Josh for a "fuckbuddies" type of guy, she hadn't actually thought that Josh had feelings for Tyler. Josh sighed: "I mean, I guess. I dunno. He's probably not even capable of returning those feelings but I definitely feel something. I've kind of... I guess admired him for a while now and now that we're actually really talking and stuff... I don't know."

"Aw Josh. I'm sorry," Jenna said a bit sadly, not a hint of judgement in her voice anymore as she could see that her friend was truly troubled by this. Josh looked over at her and shook his head. "It's okay. I probably won't even see him after graduation, so what's the point?" He laughed humorlessly, not understanding why he was getting so upset over this. He hadn't even known Tyler properly for longer than a few days. There had to be something wrong with him. 

Jenna wrapped her arms around him regardless and said: "Who knows? Maybe he'll fall for you." She was still a bit wary of Tyler, but she did trust Josh's judgement for the most part and hated seeing him upset. Josh chuckled and shrugged: "Maybe. I'm getting really emo, so I should probably get you home."

"Okay. But only if you're sure you'll be alright," Jenna replied and Josh promised he would be, kissing her cheek and grinning: "Besides, if I'm not married by the time I'm thirty-five, I'll just platonically marry you and introduce you to everyone as my trophy wife."

"Sounds like a deal," Jenna laughed and blew a raspberry on Josh's cheek before going around the car to the front. Josh followed and took Jenna home in comfortable silence, really glad to have a friend like her. He dropped her off at her house and then headed home, checking his phone as he drove (not safe but hey it was Josh). He was a little bit disappointed when he saw that Tyler hadn't posted anything on Instagram that day, so he decided to message him once he got home, asking if he was feeling any better. 

Tyler hadn't had the energy to move all day after coming home, so he just laid in bed. He had slept for a few hours and now he was wide awake, though still feeling fuzzy. He heard the notification when Josh messaged him and picked the phone up, only to mute it. He was having some serious sensory overload and he didn't need any annoying beeping sounds fucking with his brain at the moment. 

Josh sighed when no reply came in, no matter how long he waited, but he didn't send anything after that. He was sure that Tyler was just fine. He left his phone to charge and went to play video games. 

Tyler eventually fell back asleep again and woke up the next morning, feeling just as shitty, if not worse. He didn't feel like going to school that day, because he wouldn't be able to focus anyway, so he just stayed in bed. 

Josh felt a tinge of worry in his chest when he didn't see Tyler get off the bus the next day, but tried not to let it bother him. Tyler probably just needed some rest. He did send Tyler a message asking if they were still going to hang out that day, but got no reply, because Tyler hadn't checked his phone all day. He had somehow managed to drag himself to the shower and eat a piece of toast, but other than that, he just laid under the covers. He didn't get any enjoyment out of the things he did, so there was no point in doing anything. 

Josh sent a few more messages and called once, trying not to get too worried, but the more he thought about Tyler's Instagram account and all the blood and the sad looking things, the worse the feeling of dread got and eventually he left school, skipping his last class and detention and raced to Tyler's apartment. 

Tyler had fallen asleep at some point again, just out of boredom and woke up confused when he heard a knock on his door. Then more knocking as Josh kept banging on his door, running his free hand through his hair. What if Tyler had done it? All that talk about dying and being impulsive--Shit! Shit! What if Josh had to bust in there and find his dead body? 

Tyler slowly got out of bed and dragged himself to the door to open it. He was a mess. His hair, though short, was all over the place, he was in loose pyjamas and his eyes were a bit red for some unknown reason - maybe he'd been crying, he couldn't really remember - but it didn't really matter to him when he opened the door and blinked up at Josh in confusion: "Huh?" 

Josh was both heartbroken and relieved when he saw Tyler. Sad, because he looked like that, but so fucking happy that the younger boy was actually alive. He, upon instinct, pulled Tyler into an almost protective hug, taking a deep breath. "I was worried," He said. 

Tyler let Josh hug him, though he just kind of stood there, completely still in his arms. Worried? Why would Josh be worried about him? Why would anyone? 

"Christ, Tyler. You didn't answer my messages," He said, pulling back to look at him: "Are you okay? You're crying." There were indeed a few tears on Tyler's cheeks and Josh wiped them away gently. 

"Oh, my phone was on mute," Tyler said and furrowed his eyebrows: "I'm crying? I didn't even notice." He let out a confused little laugh. 

"Did something else happen or is it the same as yesterday?" Josh questioned, stepping inside to further take care of Tyler. He couldn't just leave when Tyler looked like that. 

"Nothin' happened," Tyler shrugged. Why the hell was Josh being so... Weird? It confused Tyler. But still, he stepped back to allow Josh inside fully, watching the other boy close the door after himself before sighing: "It's worse today."

Josh sighed and took out a cigarette lighting it, knowing Tyler wouldn't mind it. He took a puff from it, before letting Tyler have it. It had calmed the boy down yesterday, Josh thought. "I'm sorry," He said honestly, not really knowing what else he could say in this situation. He really just wanted to hold Tyler close and shield him from all of the bad thoughts, but he figured that Tyler wouldn't like that very much. Or rather it wouldn't do much to help. 

"It's not your fault," Tyler sighed, going into the kitchen to sit down at the table, taking a long drag out of the cigarette Josh had handed him. He looked up at Josh, who followed him and sat down next to him. "Today, I want to die," Tyler said flatly, after a small period of silence between the two boys. 

"Don't actually die though," Josh told him, getting a shrug from the younger boy. Maybe he would, maybe he wouldn't. Josh slowly reached out to touch Tyler's hair, running his fingers through it. This was weird. This was really fucking weird. Tyler leaned into Josh's touch a bit and whispered: "I'm confusing you, aren't I?" 

Josh sighed and kept running his hands through Tyler's fluffy mouse brown hair. "A little bit, not gonna lie to you. But it's nothing I can't handle," he replied. 

"I'm sorry," Tyler said. This time he really was. He didn't want to confuse Josh. The blue haired boy shook his head at that and leaned in, kissing Tyler's temple gently, saying: "Don't be. It's not like you can control it."

Tyler closed his eyes at the kiss. It was weird. Really weird. Weird to have someone be soft and gentle with him like this. Like he was made of glass. He wasn't sure if he liked it or absolutely despised it. 

Josh slid off his chair and studied Tyler's face for a minute, before asking if he had fed Ms Believer that day. Tyler shook his head and replied: "Not yet. You can do it if you wanna."

Josh reached for his hand slowly, one of his silver thumb rings pressing into Tyler's warm skin. Tyler let him take his hand and Josh smiled, saying: "Why don't you show me where her food is?" 

Tyler nodded absently and lead Josh into his messy bedroom, opening the drawer that the spider's tank was placed on and nodded Josh towards it. Josh chuckled at the box of crickets and picked it up, looking into the tank, where Ms B seemed to be completely calm, sitting atop some leaves. "Hello there. I see you've been taking care of Tyler. Making sure he doesn't hurt himself, yeah?" he whispered to her, before dropping a few crickets into the tank, watching her charge at them. 

Tyler watched Josh from the bed, before saying his name softly, making him turn around and raise an eyebrow, after placing the box of crickets back into the drawer and closing it. "Yeah?" He hummed. 

"Have sex with me again," Tyler said simply, going through his bedside drawer for a while before pulling out a knife and holding it out to Josh. The older boy stood there, still for a second before taking a hesitant step closer to the bed, then stopping again to say: "Tyler, I want to. But I don't want to take advantage of you. You're not yourself right now."

"It's not like I'm drunk or on drugs," Tyler huffed, rolling his eyes: "I'm just depressed and otherwise mentally fucked up. What's new? Boohoo! You gonna cry for me?" 

That actually sort of pissed Josh off. Well sue him for showing some fucking compassion. "Fine. I was just trying to look out for you," He said, pulling his hoodie up over his head and threw it on the floor. He didn't have a t-shirt on underneath. Tyler scoffed and crossed his arms: "Nobody is fucking forcing you. You can just leave."

Josh walked over in a few quick steps and gripped Tyler by the hair, face stern. "I'm not leaving you like this. Call me soft. I don't give a fuck." He stared down at Tyler for a moment, before taking the knife from him. 

"You're fucking soft," Tyler spat. He needed Josh to be angry right now. Anger he could handle. Anger he understood. It was familiar. Josh pushed Tyler down onto the bed, knowing what the other boy needed from him right now. He pulled Tyler's pants down and literally cut his underwear off with the knife. "Yeah? Am I soft?" He muttered. 

"Yes. It's fucking disgusting," Tyler replied. "How is it disgusting?" Josh asked, smacking his ass, hard. Fuck Tyler for that. God knew how hard it was for Josh to even attempt to show someone how he felt sometimes. He was just too damn shy sometimes, though the tough exterior would've never given it away. It had taken him days to finally sit with Jenna at lunch when they had first become friends. But something about Tyler made him want to open up. Fuck him. 

"Just is--" Tyler gasped out, reaching up to grip Josh's shoulders. The real reason was that Tyler didn't understand it. He didn't understand compassion or kindness all that well, especially when he was in this mindset. Josh inhaled sharply, before spreading Tyler's legs and sighing: "Fine. Won't be disgusting then." He pushed the blade pretty deep into Tyler's thigh without a warning.

Tyler gasped loudly at that. Yes. This was what he needed. This was familiar. Josh leaned down to kiss and lick Tyler's neck, as he dug the knife around for a minute, feeling blood gush out onto his fingers. Tyler moaned and whimpered. Some color felt like it was slipping through the seams into his black and white world. Maybe this could snap him out of it. 

Josh drug the knife downward, careful not to hit anything important or push it too deep for Tyler to have to get stitches. It was just flesh anyway. There was a hell of a lot of blood though and it almost made Josh feel dizzy. "Fucking whore for your own blood," He growled at Tyler, who nodded frantically: "Yes--" feeling lightheaded from how absolutely amazing the stinging pain felt like.

Josh kept this up for a while, starting to jerk the boy off, noticing how hard he had gotten, as he made cuts in various places. It was clear that Tyler's thighs were his favorite though. Speaking of Tyler, the boy was a mess underneath Josh, moaning the older boy's name over and over and staring up at him with unfocused eyes. 

"Yeah, that's it, baby," Josh grinned down at him. He was getting more into it now, as he figured out exactly what it was that Tyler needed. As if on cue, Tyler started bucking his hips up into Josh's hand, moaning: "Josh--Ah, Josh, 'm gonna cum!" 

"Cum from the cuts," Josh told him, letting go of his cock and reaching up to pull on his hair again, making Tyler whimper and plead: "Cut me more, please!" 

Josh hummed at that and pushed the blade into the soft skin of Tyler's hip, watching blood trickle down his body. Tyler stilled for a moment, eyes squeezed shut and hips rolling into the air uselessly, before he came with a shout of Josh's name. Josh grinned at him and leaned down to lick his blood, then his cum. 

"Josh--You gotta cum too. Use me," Tyler mumbled dazedly. Josh was way too horny to argue and pulled his boxers down, spitting on his hand and using it to lube up his cock. He pushed two fingers into Tyler first, thinking that maybe this time he'd want prep but Tyler let out a chuckle and shook his head, saying: "Josh /now/."

Josh wasn't about to argue and pulled Tyler closer, spreading his legs wide and replaced his fingers with his cock, swearing loudly at how good it felt. He started to move back and forth, gripping Tyler's hips. The younger boy was completely fucked out at this point, mouth hanging open and drooling, breath hitching every once in a while. 

Josh, while making sure that Tyler didn't choke on his own spit or something, used him like the boy had asked, wringing deliciously filthy sounds from him. It didn't take long for him to cum, but when he did, he dug his nails into Tyler's hips, grinning down at him. 

Tyler let out a gasp when he was filled up with Josh's hot cum, eyes rolling back. Josh pulled out and laid down next to him, panting and wiping sweat from his brow. "Damn. Feel any better?" He asked. Tyler turned to his side slowly and opened his eyes to look at Josh, a crooked smile spreading onto his face.

"Your hair is such a nice shade of blue," He said, reaching out to touch it, though his fingers were a bit bloody. "Pretty," He hummed, running his fingers through it and gasping: "Soft too!" 

Josh raised an eyebrow, though he chuckled. "Well, thank you," He said, tilting his head to let Tyler touch it more if he wanted to, which the brunette did, moving closer, smudging blood on the sheets and Josh as he did. Josh questioned what he was doing, though he didn't mind the other boy being so close. Quite the opposite actually. He was a big confused by it though. Tyler must've been really fucked out. 

"Your skin is soft just like your hair," Tyler hummed, nuzzling his nose into Josh's neck: "You're so nice and warm."

Josh blinked a couple of times, before slowly wrapping his arms around Tyler. Definitely really fucked out. The blue haired boy let out a breath he hadn't realized he'd been holding. This was different. He really liked it. It made him feel special, even if Tyler was sort of spaced out. He was sure that he was the only one to ever receive this kind of behavior from the boy. "So are you, Tyler," He said, because he felt like he should. It was true anyway. 

"I liiiike you, Josh," Tyler sang, grinning into his neck, making Josh's face turn a little bit red. He rubbed the back of his neck sheepishly and said: "I, uh, like you too."

Tyler flashed him a dazed grin, pulling back from the cuddle to look up at him as he hummed: "Josh?" 

"Yeah?" Josh asked, arms coming back around Tyler. Tyler's eyes fell closed and he slurred: "I think I'm gonna pass out now."

Josh laughed at that and kissed his forehead, saying: "That's okay. I'll take care of you. And Ms B." Tyler nodded and thanked him, apologizing for being mean to him, before going out like a light. Josh watched him sleep for a moment, before quietly getting up and going to the bathroom. He wet a towel with warm water and cleaned up most of the blood from Tyler's thighs and hips, careful not to wake him and then slid some boxers up the boy's skinny legs. He put on his boxers as well, before climbing back into bed with Tyler and holding him close. Tyler really was something. 

Tyler slept soundly through it all and didn't wake up once during the night, perfectly content pressed against Josh's warmth, but once he finally did wake up, in the morning, everything was all hot and sticky and black and white again.


	4. Red on white

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> [This chapter contains depersonalization, self-harm, mild panic attack, mentions of graphic violence and mentions of thoughts of murder]

Tyler grumbled in annoyance that even last night hadn't been able to snap him out if it. He couldn't even remember what had happened after the sex. He'd probably just passed out. It had felt good in the moment. Good and colorful. He'd felt a lot. But now he was completely dazed again and sore too. How fun. He pushed Josh's arm off him and limped into the bathroom to shower. 

Josh awoke when Tyler got off the bed, but didn't register that the other boy had pushed him. He smiled when he heard the shower start in the bathroom and went to the door, peeking inside. "Mind if I join you?" He asked. 

"Whatever," Tyler mumbled, trying to wash off the remaining blood from his thighs, not that it really bothered him that much, but he really didn't need an infection on top of all this. Josh frowned at Tyler's tone, but decided to brush it off, kicking his underwear off and got under the spray with the younger boy. He snaked his arms around Tyler's waist, head on his shoulder. Tyler hummed: "Do you wanna fuck again?" 

Josh furrowed his eyebrows. Was he actually asking that or assuming that Josh wanted to? "Uh, I mean if you want to, sure. But, I did come in here expecting that or anything," He said, voice a bit quiet. 

Tyler turned around in Josh's arms, looking up at him, seemingly confused: "Why then?" 

Josh tilted his head and blinked slowly. Did Tyler really not understand? Of course, Josh knew that it was due to his mental health and because he still seemed really unlike himself, but it was difficult to wrap his head around. "I dunno... I-I guess because I wanted to see you and touch you... Uh, last night you said--Never mind." Maybe he shouldn't bring up that the boy had said he liked him, so instead he just asked if Tyler was going to school that day. Tyler shook his head in reply: "No. Maybe tomorrow. I don't know. Don't really care a whole lot."

Josh swallowed thickly, releasing his waist. Tyler probably hadn't meant it. Hell, he probably didn't even remember it. He'd been all fucked out anyway. And besides that, he was messed up. Josh had been stupid to think that Tyler would have some sort of a crush on him. "I should probably just rinse and go," He said. 

"Yeah," Tyler nodded, not seeing the hurt behind the words though the haze. He just stepped back to give Josh some space. Josh quickly washed himself and then stepped out of the shower to dry off. He went to put on his clothes and then came to the bathroom door to say: "Hey, uh, I'll be going now, but don't be afraid to message me if you need anything. Anything at all." Then he turned and walked away, blue hair dripping as he went. Tyler didn't say anything. 

Josh went to school, not wanting to skip so he wouldn't worry Jenna. Speaking of the girl, Josh finally caught her at lunch and sat down with her in the cafeteria, immediately spilling what had happened. 

"Oh, Josh, I'm so sorry. That must suck so much," Jenna said once he was done and took his hand across the table, truly feeling bad for her best friend. Josh just shrugged and sighed, messing with his food: "I feel really dumb, Jen. I want to help him but I can't."

Meanwhile at home, Tyler was laying on his bed for the second hour in a row, making cuts on his arms and wrists, hoping to feel something, anything at all. They weren't deep enough to kill him, but definitely deep enough for him to see color again. He then took a picture of his cut up, bloody arm and posted it to his Instagram, with the caption: "Feelings spilling out."

"I know you do, Josh. I don't know. Maybe he'll just snap out of it soon," Jenna said, feeling a bit helpless in this situation. Just as she said this, Josh got a notification that Tyler had posted and looked at it, sighing deeply and showing Jenna, who gasped and quickly looked away: "That's so messed up."

Josh knew that he couldn't tell Jenna all of the details of their sex life, but even he thought that this wasn't right. "Kinda...Yeah, it kinda is. It's how he grounds himself and feels things, I guess."

Jenna looked up at him with tears in her eyes. "I-I never thought of that side of him--I," She sniffled. Josh took a shaky breath. "I just--Don't cry, Jen. You'll make me cry," Josh hushed her, putting an arm around her shoulders. 

"I'm sorry, Josh. That's just so sad. I've been calling him a psycho and a freak-" She said shakily. Josh shook his head and hugged her tightly: "Everyone has. It's not just you. And that's not the reason he does it, I swear. He's told me. It's alright."

"Okay. I'm sorry, Josh," Jenna repeated and Josh told her that it was alright, before letting go of her sighing: "I just don't know if I should keep trying to help, even if there's nothing I can really do to make him feel better."

"I wish I knew," Jenna whispered, pushing her plate away, not really feeling like eating anymore. When the bell rang, Josh put his phone away and said: "I have to go to his house. Like, right now. I don't want him hurting himself. Cover for me?" 

"I will," Jenna promised immediately, knowing that next class was math, which they had together. She hugged Josh quickly and softly said: "You're a good person, Josh."

"Thanks, Jenna. So are you. Love you and I'll see you tomorrow, yeah?" Josh replied and Jenna nodded, before the boy walked to the parking lot. He should've just stayed with Tyler this morning. But then again, he couldn't have known that Tyler would go that far. He got into his car and took a deep breath before starting it and heading towards Tyler's apartment. 

Tyler laid on his bed, watching blood seep out of his arms. He knew that they wouldn't kill him, so he didn't want to rush cleaning them up. They made him feel good. The ones on his thighs were great, but his arms and wrists felt euphoric. He looked through the comments of the picture he'd posted and chuckled to himself. "You should live stream your suicide," said someone. Not a bad idea, honestly. "Cut deeper. Video?" Said another. "Across the street for attention, down the road for results," wrote someone else. 

Josh pulled up to Tyler's apartment building and felt really stupid when he knocked on his door, though he didn't leave. Tyler needed help, he reminded himself. 

Tyler frowned when he heard the knock through the haze and set his phone down, not even noticing that he still had his knife in his hand when he went to open the door. "Josh?" He mumbled, confused. What the hell was Josh doing here again?

"Tyler--" Josh started but choked when he saw the knife in the boy's hand. Jesus fucking Christ. "Tyler! What are yo--Tyler," He stammered and pushed inside, quickly snatching the knife from Tyler and closing the door after himself. "Y-You can't just hurt yourself like that. Not on your arms and wrists!" He exclaimed. 

Tyler stared up at him, blinking slowly, though he didn't look quite as dazed as he had that morning and asked: "Why not?" 

Josh walked in past him, running his free hand through his hair as he sunk down on the couch and set the knife down on the living room table. "Because you just can't! What if you go too far?! That's right. You don't care if you die. Well I don't give a fuck if you don't care, because I do!" 

Tyler looked at him, from the living room doorway, frowning and just standing there awkwardly, scratching at his arm. More blood came out at that, trickling down his wrist and dripping onto the wooden floor. He scratched harder. He needed to be clearheaded enough to understand what Josh meant, to try and replicate the feelings the other boy might've been experiencing at that moment. Why would Josh care if he died? Tyler dug his nails into one of the cuts. 

Josh looked up and took in a struggling breath at the sight. "Tyler, stop that," He said, hurrying over. He grabbed Tyler's hand gently, pulling it away from the cuts, not wanting to hurt him. He could somewhat understand this during sex and on non-lethal places but this was completely different for him. 

Tyler looked up at him, eyebrows furrowed. He could feel something, but he was unable to pinpoint exactly what it was. "Let go of me," Tyler said, trying to pull his hand away from Josh's hold: "You can't tell me what to do."

"I'm trying to help you," Josh said, though he released him. He sighed deeply: "I don't want you to die. I know we haven't known each other for that long but I actually fucking care about you and I don't want you to die!" 

"Go away," Tyler said then, starting to shake for a reason he didn't understand: "Go away. I don't want you here."

What? No. That's not what Josh wanted at all. "Tyler-" He shook his head, noticing that he was shaking. He tried to reach for him, looking confused: "Tyler, let me help you."

"Nobody can help me," Tyler said, raising his voice a bit and took a step back. His eyes were getting wet and his breath was hitching and he didn't understand why. He wasn't... He wasn't sad. Josh slowly tried to take his shaking hand into his, searching his face. Shit, he was crying again. Maybe he shouldn't have come. "I can try."

"No!" Tyler yelled, breathing heavily, shaking his head: "No, no, no! All you do is confuse me!" 

Josh took a step back. He really didn't want to make Tyler have a panic attack or something, but it looked like it might've been a little too late for that. "O-Okay. Okay. Let's just calm down. It's alright."

"I can't breathe," Tyler mumbled, sitting down at the kitchen table, head in his hands as he tried to catch his breath. He was no stranger to panic attacks, but he hadn't had one in a long time and especially without a reason like this. Josh rushed over, worried sick. He would've done that with anyone, but because it was Tyler, it hurt even more. "Do you have an inhaler?" He asked softly. 

"I don't need a fucking inhaler!" Tyler snarled, breath hitching. He quieted down slowly and looked up at Josh, saying: "I don't know what's wrong with me."

Josh took his hand now that he seemed to be calmer. "Baby," He breathed out, not really sure why he had called him that. Oh, well. It seemed natural and Tyler either didn't realize what he'd said, or didn't mind it. Either way, Josh didn't correct himself. "It's okay. Don't think about it too much. Just tell me what you need."

"I don't know," Tyler replied, actually squeezing Josh's hand a bit. The blue haired boy sighed and stood up asking: "Can we start by cleaning you up?" 

"Don't wanna move," Tyler said, shaking his head and slumping back against the chair. He suddenly felt very drained. Josh looked at him, then shrugged and easily scooped him up into his arms and carried him bridal style into the bathroom, sitting him down on the counter, letting him lean against the cabinet. He wordlessly took out a small towel, much like the previous night when he had cleaned Tyler's thighs and soaked it in warm water, gently taking one of Tyler's arms and started to clean it up. 

"Why are you doing this?" Tyler asked quietly, looking down at him. Josh took out some bandages and disinfectant from the medical closet and cleaned Tyler's arms with a piece of paper that had disinfectant on it as well, humming: "I like you."

Tyler frowned but didn't reply anything as he didn't fully understand what Josh meant. The older boy checked the cuts and thankfully none of them were deep or wide enough to need stiches, so he didn't actually have to take Tyler to the hospital, so he just wrapped his arms in bandages, looking up at him as he said: "There. D-Don't go cutting yourself anymore. I'll do it for you, on your thighs and hips, if you need it."

"But--" Tyler started shakily. He didn't want to be dependent on Josh like that and he especially didn't want Josh to tell him what he could and couldn't do. He shook his head: "You're not the boss of me. Nobody is."

"I know that!" Josh said quickly, sounding very irritated for a moment. Then he sighed and ran a hand down his face: "Shit, I'm sorry. I'm just worried about you. I'm asking you, please, if you need it, let me do it."

"Why are you worried? You barely even know me. You haven't even scratched the surface of how messed up I am," Tyler said and pushed Josh back, though it made his arms ache and got off the counter, walking back out into the kitchen and living room area. Josh blinked when he was pushed back, watching Tyler go. That was true. They had fucked three times and smoked and that was about it. Still, he followed him, calling out his name weakly. 

"I'll kill myself if I want to," Tyler told him: "Maybe I'll live stream it. Think it would go viral?" Josh inhaled sharply at that. "Probably," He said honestly, sighing out the sharp breath he had taken in. This was getting him nowhere. "Just... Just don't actually do that. Don't die."

Tyler shrugged again. Josh sighed once more and looked at him for a moment before saying: "You probably want me to go, don't you?" He pulled out a cigarette and lit it. He needed to de-stress. 

Tyler actually whimpered at Josh's comment. He felt more confused than ever in his life. Josh looked over at him as he took a puff from the cigarette, coming back over to him. "Tell me what you want."

"I don't know," Tyler said, sounding frustrated at his own emotions: "I kinda want you to leave and never come back, but I kind of don't want to be alone because I'm /always/ alone and I'm--I'm--" What was he? He wasn't sad, this was something else. 

"You're what? Just try to explain it the best you can," Josh urged him gently, offering him the cigarette in case he needed it. Tyler took it from him and took a long drag from it, trying to collect his thoughts before starting to say them our loud: "I'm not sad. I'm not angry. It's just, when I'm alone I'm--It's something I can't quite place my finger on."

"What color is it? Is there a color you associate with it? I understand those. Or is it black and white?" Josh asked him. Tyler shook his head, then looked thoughtful for a moment, before saying: "It's kinda red. Maybe purple even? But not anger."

That didn't really help much. Josh associated those colors with many different emotions. He sighed and took the cigarette back for a quick puff before letting Tyler have it altogether. 

"Fear," Tyler said suddenly, then frowned. It had been so obvious when he'd said it but... What the hell would he be afraid of? He shook his head: "No. Or maybe. Yes?" 

"Maybe you're afraid of feeling," Josh said carefully and Tyler shrugged. Everything had been so much easier when he hadn't known anything else than being alone. It hadn't made him crave anybody's company. But maybe though, all of these new feelings were just a sign that he was about to snap. 

Josh sighed and squeezed Tyler's shoulder. "I think it would be best for me to give you some space right now. Just please, before you hurt yourself or do anything else stupid, text me."

Tyler didn't say anything, just shrugged Josh's hand off his shoulder, finished the cigarette, put it out on his upper arm, on top of a smaller cut there and went into his room, closing the door after himself, leaving Josh there to stare after him. Tyler was so complex. Josh took a deep breath and headed back to his truck. He stayed in the car for a moment, still, before actually leaving, hoping to God that Tyler would be okay. 

Tyler laid in his bed. The world felt like it was flickering between colorful and black and white. Things almost began to make sense again and then suddenly they didn't. He closed his eyes. Please let this be over tomorrow. 

When Josh got home, he tried to distract himself by doing homework, but he accidentally wrote Tyler's name on the worksheet with permanent marker, instead of his own. He pushed the sheet aside, along with his book. This was useless. Since when did he care so much about Tyler? 

Tyler fell asleep surprisingly early again, but he kept waking up to nightmares about every hour, so at 3AM he finally gave up and texted Josh, asking if he was awake. Josh hadn't been able to sleep, so he was just mindlessly watching TV without really paying attention, when he got the text notification and quickly checked it, replying: "Yeah. You okay?" 

"Yeah, I'm fine. Just can't sleep. I don't even know why I'm texting you," Tyler wrote. Josh thought for a moment, before typing back: "Need to get distracted?" 

"Maybe. I don't know how though," Tyler answered with a sigh. "Me neither. Wanna call? It's easier," Josh typed, sending Tyler his number, as they had only messaged on Instagram and soon his phone was vibrating as Tyler called. 

"Hi. I couldn't sleep either," Josh said as he picked up the phone. Tyler hummed: "Oh, okay. I had nightmares."

"Wanna talk about it?" Josh asked immediately and Tyler shook his head though Josh couldn't see and replied: "Nah. They don't really make sense most of the time. I don't know why they even startle me awake. Why couldn't you sleep?" 

'I'm worried about you and I don't know what's going on in my life anymore because I think I have a massive crush on a psychopath,' Josh wanted to say, but of course he didn't. Instead, he said: "I dunno. Just couldn't, I guess."

"Oh, alright," Tyler mumbled, staying quiet for a moment, thinking a bit before saying: "Did you know that most of the dust underneath your bed is your own dead skin?" 

Josh actually burst into laughter at that, shaking his head. "No Tyler, I didn't know that. That's crazy," He chuckled, making Tyler smile slightly at the other end and continue by saying: "Oh yeah? Well did you know that the best way to check if you have a tapeworm is to eat a lot of onion or garlic and then wait? If you feel something moving inside of your stomach it's most likely a tapeworm, squirming in pain."

Josh continued laughing and asked: "How the actual fuck do you know that, Tyler?" 

"I like creepy facts," Tyler replied, grinning. He felt almost perfectly back to normal again. "Corpses can get erections and ejaculate."

This only made Josh laugh harder. So hard that he started coughing and had to calm himself down to respond: "For fucks sake, Tyler!" He then paused for a moment and asked: "Would you ever fuck a dead guy?" 

"I don't know. Don't think so. Might be kinda boring, y'know? Lack of response and all that. And they wouldn't be able to cut me up," Tyler replied with a smirk. Josh chuckled: "I wouldn't be able to do that. I need them screaming for me."

"Yeah, I've noticed," Tyler grinned: "I like screaming too. I like hearing it, even if it's my own." Josh hummed in response and started playing with his blue hair absently as he said: "I like hearing it too."

There was a moment of comfortable silence between them, before Tyler asked if Josh had ever been to the deep web. Josh nodded out of habit and then said: "Yeah a few times with some friends. Mostly we just fucked around and looked at weird porn."

"It's fun. I'm probably gonna get an assassin after me for being on there so much or something. Maybe I'll get kidnapped," Tyler grinned: "That'd be kinda cool. Maybe I'd get to be in one of those streams where they murder people. Those are my favorites."

Josh snorted. "I should probably be worried but I'm really not. Maybe I'll look something up," He hummed: "Any suggestions?" 

"Ooooh," Tyler exclaimed: "I've never met anyone who'd be interested in this. Besides online, of course." He gave Josh the URL to a site that would be fairly easy to find once he got on the browser. Josh raised an eyebrow as he typed the site into the onion browser. He was mostly curious as to what Tyler watched. 

"I get most of my goriest pictures from screenshots of their videos. They have a lot," Tyler explained: "They don't do live executions though. That's a bit of a shame."

"Like beheadings and stuff?" Josh questioned, getting a hum in reply. He scrolled down the site for a moment, stopping at a video of a guy cutting his hand of at the wrist, muttering: "Jesus Christ."

Tyler smirked at Josh's comment and asked if he'd found anything good. "You'd probably think so," Josh said, chuckling as he kept scrolling. Some of the videos were a bit too much for him, when he remembered that these weren't special effects, so he just scrolled past them quickly. He didn't tell Tyler that though. He did look away when he got to a video of a woman gauging her eye out from its socket and started to hit it with a hammer. Tyler listened to the obviously uncomfortable sounds Josh made here and there and asked: "Scared of me yet?" 

Josh furrowed his eyebrows and closed the tab, saying: "That last video just wasn't... My cup of tea." He sighed: "You don't scare me."

"Yeah?" Tyler hummed: "Not even if I told you I'd like to do stuff like that to some people?" 

"No, I could've figured that out without you saying it, Tyler," Josh replied, closing his eyes as he listened to the other boy's voice. "What if I went through with it?" Tyler questioned, yawning: "What if you saw on the news that Brendon Urie was found in his apartment with his own guts shoved down his throat and I texted you and told you I did it?" 

Josh actually laughed at that. He knew that Tyler wasn't necessarily joking, but he also didn't think that Tyler could actually kill someone. "I'd say he deserved it."

"Sure you would," Tyler chuckled, eyes closing. Josh huffed and laughed: "I would! He's an asshole!" 

"Nah. You'd pussy out," Tyler teased, making Josh snort and tease right back: "/You/ would."

"I'd kill him in cold blood," Tyler assured him and Josh shook his head, smiling: "Not before you snap though, right?" 

"Right," Tyler chuckled: "I'm starting to fall asleep. Thanks for talking to me. G'night."

"Me too. Goodnight Tyler," Josh replied, ending the call with a smile. Tyler really was something else. Tyler fell asleep almost immediately, smiling to himself. Josh really wasn't like the others.


	5. Blood red jealousy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> [This chapter contains smut, bullying and some semi-graphic descriptions of violence]
> 
> Disclaimer!! I love Brendon, Pete and Patrick and I know that none of them would do something like this in real life. The only reason they are bullies in this fanfiction is because I wanted the bullies to be recognizable "characters". Their actions in this fanfiction should in no way be linked to real life. This goes with every other character as well!!

Josh groaned when he woke up to his alarm the next morning and immediately texted Tyler, asking if he was going to school. Tyler replied quickly with: "Yup. I'm here already because I had an early class."

"Well fuck, now I have to go to school too," Josh typed back, chuckling. Judging from their call and Tyler's reply, he assumed that the other boy was back to normal. He was glad. He smiled when he got out of bed to dress up, all irritation gone. 

Tyler grinned at the message. He was feeling completely normal again. No flickering between feeling nothing at all or feeling things he didn't understand. Just the pleasant, observant dullness. 

Josh pulled up to the school parking lot in about 30 minutes and was met with Jenna before he could go to Tyler. He didn't mind that at all, though he did look over at the boy, who really did seem better. 

"How did yesterday go?" Jenna asked him, smiling a little bit: "Tyler doesn't look as spaced out today."

Josh shrugged: "It was... Emotional, if I'm being totally honest. Not like, crying or... But he talked a lot, about things. I cried a bit. And then we talked on the phone at three in the morning." He gave a grin then: "I'm going to say hi to him now. Wanna come?" 

Jenna looked over at Tyler and nodded a bit reluctantly, but she really wanted to give him a chance. "Okay, sure, I'll come," She said and Josh gave a little cheer, heading over to the younger boy, his smile growing as they got closer. "Hey Tyler. Looking as bright as the sun today," He said, sitting down next to him. 

"Why thank you, m'lady," Tyler teased with a little smirk, getting a giggle out of Jenna. Josh glanced at her, before slinging an arm around Tyler's shoulders, grinning: "Don't make me soft again, Joseph."

"You're always a fucking softie, Dun," Tyler smirked. Jenna hesitated for a moment, before sitting down next to him. Josh rolled his eyes at him and chuckled: "Don't blow my secrets."

Tyler grinned at him widely and Jenna laughed. Tyler turned his head to look at her and gave a cautious smile, as he said: "Uh, hi. I don't think we've properly been introduced yet. I'm Tyler. Or well, you can keep calling me 'Freak Joseph' if you want to. I don't mind it too much."

Josh snorted at that and smirked at Jenna's expression. His fingers brushed the hair at the nape of Tyler's neck. He was being possessive without even knowing it himself, though he didn't view Jenna as a threat at all.

Jenna went completely red at Tyler's comment and began stammering: "Oh, I--I'm really sorry about that. I really am. I shouldn't have treated you that way. I--I hope that we can start over. I'm Jenna. It's nice to meet you, Tyler." She extended her hand for Tyler to shake, which the boy did, chuckling: "Well, Jenna, you don't have to worry because I just took you off my hit list." He smirked and Jenna's eyes went wide. She looked at Josh with a shocked expression, causing the boy to burst out laughing. 

"Calm down, Jen," Josh said with a grin once he had managed to get his laughter under control. Tyler laughed at Jenna's expression too and said: "You actually think I'm a murderer?" He poked her cheek: "That's kinda cute."

Josh was laughing until that last comment, his hand curling into a fist at the back of Tyler's shirt. That really shouldn't bother him as much as it did. Tyler looked over at him and raised an eyebrow, Josh's hold on him loosening. Josh cleared his throat and said: "I think we should get to class."

"Yeah," Tyler nodded in agreement, standing up. Jenna stood up as well, face a bit red still, mostly from embarrassment, heading the opposite way, since she had a different class. Tyler grinned at her and waved - she was Josh's best friend after all and Tyler wanted to get along with her - at her. She smiled back hesitantly and waved back, before hurrying to her class as the bell rang. 

Tyler and Josh began heading towards their classroom as well. Josh couldn't help himself when they were finally alone and muttered: "You called her cute."

"Huh?" Tyler hummed, looking up at him. Oh. It was written all over his face. Josh was jealous. Tyler smirked inwardly at his discovery, though on the outside he just shrugged and said: "Maybe she was."

"I thought you were gay," Josh replied, trying really hard not to sound like he was hurt, but didn't succeed very well. Tyler's facade finally broke and he laughed: "I'm teasing you, loser! You're jealous!" 

"Shut up, I was confused!" Josh replied, messing with the lighter in his pocket, cheeks heating up just a little bit. "You're jealous," Tyler repeated and suddenly backed Josh into a wall, in the now-empty hallway, looking up at him with those sharp eyes as he questioned: "You think I'm yours?" 

Josh lowered his eyebrows. He wasn't exactly intimidated by Tyler cornering him, but maybe a bit turned on. Definitely turned on. A little flustered. "I know you're not," He said, shrugging. Fuck. Those eyes. 

"You're interesting," Tyler told him lowly, leaning closer, leg slipping in between Josh's easily. Jesus Christ. Josh let out a shaky breath near his face, leaning in closer as well, their noses brushing as he whispered: "You're intoxicating."

"Yeah?" Tyler hummed, pressing his entire body against Josh's. "Show me," He said, lips almost touching Josh's. Right before their lips touched, Josh grabbed Tyler by the arm and dragged him into the nearest bathroom, closing and locking the door after himself. He let his backpack fall to the ground and pressed Tyler against the wall this time, an arm on either side of his thin body. 

"Gonna fuck me, Joshua?" Tyler asked, laughing breathlessly. Josh pressed his growing bulge against Tyler's and purred: "That's what you wanted by being such a tease, didn't you?" 

"Yes," Tyler breathed out and pulled Josh down for a kiss. Josh groaned and kissed right back, lips moving against Tyler's quickly. Tyler bit down on his bottom lip, moaning into his mouth as he grinded up against his thigh. Josh quickly unbuckled his belt and popped open the button of his jeans, not once breaking the kiss and tugged on Tyler's pants, growling: "No time for blowjobs. Pants off."

Tyler nodded and kicked his pants off along with his underwear, firmly telling Josh to fuck him. Josh wasted no time complying and flipped the boy around, pressing his chest to the wall and fingered him for a moment, before pushing his cock inside of him, making him groan and arch his back. 

"Fuck--I should make you jealous more often," Tyler moaned and chuckled breathlessly. Josh grunted and gripped his hair, thrusting him into the wall as he growled: "No, you shouldn't."

"Definitely will," Tyler smirked, moaning at the tight grip Josh had on his hair. Josh began to suck hickeys on Tyler's neck from behind, gripping his hips now. 

"Yes, Josh-" Tyler whimpered, moving back against him: "Yes--Fuck, leave bruises all over meeee-" 

Josh snaked his hand underneath Tyler's shirt, gripping his waist hard enough to leave fingerprint-shaped bruises there, growling: "Yeah, fucking like that, don't you?" 

"Yes!" Tyler called out, knees almost buckling. Josh laughed and slapped his unoccupied hand over Tyler's mouth. "Shut up, unless you want the security guard and the principal to burst in here and watch me make you cum." Tyler just moaned into his palm, breathing heavily through his nose. 

Josh bit down on his shoulder then, making him shiver. "Fuck. So fucking tight," Josh told him lowly, slamming deep into him: "So fucking good for me, Tyler."

Tyler came right then and there without even being touched and he would've fallen over if he hadn't been pressed against the wall like that. Josh followed soon after, grinning into his neck as he did. "Maybe you are mine. Yeah, I just decided. You're mine."

"Yeah?" Tyler hummed shaking his head a bit and catching his breath: "You can't claim me."

"Why not?" Josh asked, kissing down his neck slowly, not pulling out just yet. In this moment right here, Tyler was his. Tyler sighed: "Because I'm nobody's. Not even mine."

Josh paused at that. "I think you're completely your own. You can't control it, but you're your own person."

"Mmh. You don't understand," Tyler sighed deeply. Josh pulled out and turned Tyler around, leaning in to kiss him slowly. Tyler let out a surprised sound against Josh's lips, but kissed back anyway. After a moment, Josh pulled back and softly said: "But I know what you meant. I'm trying to figure you out. I want to figure you out."

"Okay," Tyler breathed out and nodded. He sort of wanted Josh to figure him out too. Josh gave a little smile and pulled his pants up, Tyler doing the same, making a face. 

"See you at lunch?" Josh asked, looking over as he picked up his bag. Tyler nodded and gave him a smile and Josh just had to kiss him once more before hurrying to class. The kisses made the brunette feel a bit funny but he ignored the feeling, stepping out of the bathroom a little after Josh had left, going to his own class. 

By the time they had a class together, Josh was in an amazing mood and sat by Tyler in the classroom, grinning at him and discreetly leaning in to whisper: "My cum is probably still inside of you, huh?" 

Tyler froze at that and... Blushed? Yes, quite positively, the boy's face was turning a light shade of pink. Josh acted like he couldn't believe what he was seeing and grinned wildly at the other boy. That was so cute. Tyler swatted his arm and told him to stop staring at him, mumbling curses under his breath as he turned to his own desk, digging out his notebook. At first, he was going to draw an extremely gorey picture of Josh, but somehow it just ended up being a portrait of the older boy, a small smirk on his lips and blood on his mouth. 

"That's what I look like?" Josh asked suddenly, looking over Tyler's shoulder and smirking. Tyler made an annoyed sound and hurriedly closed the notebook, hitting his head against the desk in embarrassment. Josh chuckled and snuck his hand to Tyler's side, fingers brushing his hip. Tyler sighed. Dammit. Josh was so confusing. 

Josh pulled his hand away and practically admired the way Tyler's hair curled down his head for the rest of the class. Once it ended, Tyler couldn't really be mad at Josh, so he turned to him and asked if they were going to eat lunch like Josh had asked. The blue haired boy nodded and grinned, walking with him towards the cafeteria. Jenna joined them too once they started eating and Tyler didn't honestly mind. For the first time ever he felt like he belonged somewhere. 

A week passed just like this, Josh and Tyler hanging out, sometimes with Jenna and sometimes just the two of them. Tyler also managed to make Josh jealous again by saying that Jenna had the prettiest smile he'd ever seen, literally just to wind him up and got fucked at the back of Josh's pickup for that, so hard that he forgot his own name and basically the existence of everyone and everything else than Josh. And after they were done and Josh was hovering over him, sweaty and grinning when he asked if Tyler had gotten enough, Tyler definitely realized that Jenna's smile couldn't even compete on the same league as Josh's. 

They even hung out during the weekend and Josh forced Tyler to go to the movies with him to watch some dumb Star Wars thing with him, but it wasn't so bad because Tyler mostly just leaned on Josh and watched him look excited, which was kinda nice. Josh was nice to look at. 

The Tuesday next week though, was when all was just destined to go to shit. Josh and Tyler were sitting in the school yard. It was a warm day and Tyler had a cigarette to his lips, inhaling deeply and blowing out smoke and Josh looked at him.

"You look hot when you smoke," Josh commented with a grin. Tyler hummed in reply and grinned mischievously at Josh, taking another drag from the smoke and leaning in, lips touching Josh's lightly as he blew out the smoke against Josh's parted lips. Josh inhaled the smoke, smirking. Some people were around, but he honestly didn't care. He and Tyler weren't official or anything and Josh wasn't about to ask, but he honestly didn't mind it if people thought that they were a couple or something along those lines. 

Tyler chuckled against his lips and kissed him properly for a second, before pulling away and smirking: "That was pretty hot." Josh let out a laugh and agreed, pulling out a red bull from his bag and cracking it open. Tyler was just about to say something, when Pete, Brendon and Patrick walked over. Great. Just fantastic. 

Josh raised an eyebrow when the group of boys walked over. They were usually pretty cool towards him, but not Tyler. He sighed. 

"Hey Dun, what the hell are you doing with this little freak?" Brendon asked, a look of obvious disgust on his face when he looked at Tyler who scoffed and rolled his eyes, telling them to get lost. Josh chuckled at Tyler's display, taking a sip out of his energy drink, before saying: "He's cooler than you."

"Cool?" Patrick laughed: "Cool. Sure. With those cigarette burns and cuts all over his arms. Honestly, it's so pathetic that maybe it actually is cool." Tyler looked up at him, the look on his face changing from the mildly annoyed one to that sharp killer look he sometimes had on his face when something was pissing him off really bad. That didn't go unnoticed by Josh who jumped to his defense, not wanting the situation to escalate any further on Tyler's end, by saying: "Shut the fuck up. Like you didn't cut yourself freshman year and carve Frank's name into your thigh when he wasn't gay for you."

Patrick made a face at that and looked a bit unsure, but Pete easily defended him by saying: "Freshman year is freshman year. Besides, it's not like this creepy motherfucker isn't weird enough without the cuts. I've seen his freaky drawings." Tyler chuckled at that and slowly stood up. Oh boy, they had chosen the wrong day. Tyler had been a bit on edge these past few days and any sort of common sense was just melting away at the thought of getting to punch someone. 

Josh looked at Tyler and stood up as well, wincing a bit at the look on Tyler's face. He wasn't sure if he could hold him back even if he tried. "Everyone just calm the hell down. Walk away, guys," He said. 

"No," Tyler said, voice low and calm. He glanced at Josh and flashed him a smile, mouthing "hit list" at him, before, in one quick move, grabbed Patrick by the wrist and put his cigarette out on the boy's bare arm. He tripped him easily and once he was on the ground, Tyler climbed on top of him and punched him in the nose as hard as he could, feeling and hearing it crack under his fist. It sounded so satisfying, especially accompanied with the scream the boy let out. But Tyler didn't stop there. He punched the boy in the jaw, then the cheek when he was suddenly yanked off of him by Josh. 

"Tyler stop. You'll get in more trouble!" Josh exclaimed. Shit. A teacher was already running towards them, yelling at them to stop and Patrick was curled up in a ball on the ground, holding his nose and swearing loudly as Pete tried to check if it was crooked. Tyler let out a growl and pushed Josh off him, yelling: "What the fuck, Josh?!" 

"I'm trying to help you, dumbass!" Josh yelled back, picking up both of their bags, trying to pull Tyler into the opposite direction in a desperate attempt to escape the situation, but they were stopped dead on their tracks by a teacher yelling: "Tyler Joseph, don't you go anywhere! Principal's! Now!" The school's guard appeared to the scene as well and grabbed Tyler by the shoulder, pushing him towards the school building. Tyler went willingly, shooting a rather murderous glare at Josh as he went. 

Josh sighed. He couldn't have cared any less if Tyler was angry at him, he still picked up their bags and followed, red bull long forgotten, spilled on the grass. He waited outside the office for Tyler to come out. 

Tyler got suspended for two weeks. He didn't care. He was pissed. He was straight up fucking livid when he stepped out, not even entirely sure why. He took his bag from Josh who offered it to him and began walking away from him. However, Josh followed saying: "Christ Tyler! I was trying to keep you from getting in trouble!" 

"I don't give a fuck, Josh. And as you can see, I got in trouble anyway, so it doesn't matter!" Tyler yelled, whipping around to face him, eyes blazing: "You fucking pussied out, Joshua! You're just a pussy! " 

"Are you fucking serious? You would've lost that fight if Brendon and Pete decided to join in!" Josh yelled and Tyler pushed him, telling him to shut the fuck up, heading towards the door.

"You're a fucking little ungrateful bitch!" Josh screamed after him when he reached the doors. Tyler glanced back at him and screamed back: "And you're a, weak fucking softie pussy!" 

And with that, Tyler was out the door. Josh didn't follow this time. He was too angry. He groaned loudly and went out through a different door, going to his car and drove home. Fuck Tyler then.


	6. Yours

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> [This chapter contains mild descriptions of violence, Josh and Tyler's screwed up sex life, so s/m and blood kink]
> 
> Warning, this is literally the one cute chapter you'll get in a while, because things really start to go downhill from here. Really.

Tyler decided to walk home. He needed to clear his head and get rid of the feeling inside of him that just told him to fucking beat someone to death. Of course, life was rarely merciful towards him and that wasn't the case this time either. Because once Tyler had left the school grounds, he immediately got ambushed by Brendon and Pete who apparently weren't very happy that he had just broken their friend's nose. And well, they had the element of surprise and it was two against one and though Tyler made an attempt to fight back and got Brendon in the jaw and kicked Pete in the shin, the fight ended fairly quickly with him on the ground, face and ribs aching, bloody all over. 

He laid there for a good moment before somehow managing to drag himself to the nearest bench, groaning as he had to pull himself up to sit down. His bus had went already and he didn't have any money for it either. There was no way he could walk home like this and his parents wouldn't pick him up for sure, not that he would stoop low enough to call them anyway. He was upset, actually almost on the verge of tears, mostly from anger and frustration. And so, he just had to swallow his pride and text Josh: "Hey Josh?" 

Josh had driven straight home and just got in bed, pissed off beyond just anger. He had just fucking tried to help Tyler. Still, when his phone buzzed, he picked it up. A message from Tyler. He considered not replying for a moment, but then again, Tyler was messed up and maybe he just wanted to apologize. It wasn't like he had punched Josh in the face. "What do you want?" He wrote back. 

"I'm kinda in trouble," Tyler typed and took a picture of his fucked up face, sending that to Josh as well, following it up with: "Can't get home."

Josh's heart stopped for a good few seconds at that and he sat up quickly, immediately knowing who had done this. He pulled his jeans back on and rushed to his car, all of his anger completely overshadowed with worry, dissipated because he cared so damn much. He called Tyler when he pulled out of his driveway. "Baby-" He said immediately when there was a click, signaling that Tyler had picked up the phone: "Tyler, where are you?" 

"Courtyard," Tyler replied shortly, his voice a bit muffled as he tried to stop his nosebleed with his shirt. Josh promised to be there in a few minutes and indeed, he was, glad that there had been no police cars on the streets. He spotted Tyler quickly when he made it to the courtyard and rushed to him, embracing him in all of his worry. Tyler let him, though his ribs hurt and mumbled: "Thank you. 

"I'm sorry, Ty. I shouldn't have left you here alone," Josh said, voice shaking as he helped the smaller boy to his pickup. Tyler grit his teeth the whole walk there, even with Josh's help the pain was getting a bit too much even for his standards. Somehow, he still managed to say: "It's not your fault, Josh."

Josh helped Tyler onto the passenger seat and went around to sit in front of the wheel, pulling out from the school parking lot. "Fuck this school. Fuck Brendon. Fuck Pete. Just fuck them all. This is bullshit," He growled. 

"You're s' angry," Tyler mumbled, smiling a little bit and leaning back against his seat. He felt faint. Probably from the blow to the head. Josh glanced at him and said: "Yeah, I am. Because they fucking hurt you. Bad."

"You're the only one who gets to hurt me," Tyler hummed, eyes closing as he smiled. Josh furrowed his eyebrows at the sort of dazed tone Tyler was speaking in and asked if he was alright. Tyler nodded, trying to keep his eyes open, knowing that he probably shouldn't let himself fall asleep in case he had a concussion. 

"Baby, stay awake. We're almost there," Josh said, reaching for his hand. Tyler let him take his hand and chuckled: "Baby."

Josh shook his head and couldn't help but smile a bit. Once they got to Tyler's apartment, he helped the boy to his apartment and then his bedroom. Tyler was desperately fighting sleep when Josh laid him down on the bed and frowned down at him. 

"C'mon baby, stay with me," Josh said, worriedly. Tyler definitely didn't seem alright. He sat down by the smaller boy, stroking his cheek to keep him awake. "I think you need to go to the hospital. I'm gonna call an ambulance," He sighed then and took out his phone, dialing the number, ready to press it. He should've just taken Tyler there immediately, but he'd seemed better then. 

"No, no, no," Tyler whined, grabbing Josh's arm weakly. Truthfully, he was a bit scared of hospitals and absolutely despised being there. Josh sighed: "Tyler, baby, you need a doctor."

"No, I don't. M'fine," Tyler protested when suddenly the room felt like it started to tilt and spin. His eyes went wide and he mumbled: "What? The room is--Josh?" 

"Yeah, we're calling an ambulance," Josh said then and did just that, holding Tyler's hand and occasionally kissing his hair and telling him to stay awake. He held him until he had to go open the door for the EMT's, who put Tyler on a stretcher after doing some basic testing and began carrying him to the ambulance. 

"Josh," Tyler said when he was lifted onto the stretcher and carried to the door, sounding almost panicked when he called out, louder this time: "Josh!" 

Josh followed and was by Tyler's side in a heartbeat, taking his hand, calming him down by softly saying: "Hey, hey, babyboy, I'm right here. I'm right here. I'm not gonna go anywhere. I'm gonna be with you the whole time." Because though Tyler hadn't straight up said that hospitals scared him, it was pretty obvious from the way he was acting and Josh just wanted to protect him from all of that. 

Tyler looked at him, blinked and then passed out. One of the paramedics pushed Josh out of the way gently, giving him an apologetic look as they started to hook Tyler into all sorts of things, making sure that he didn't die in his sleep. Josh moved out of the way, though he was frantically asking if Tyler was going to be alright. 

"We can't know yet," One of the EMTs said, sighing: "It could just be a concussion, but it could be internal bleeding as well."

Shit. Josh covered his face with his hands and let out a sob. If Tyler died now, because he hadn't called the ambulance immediately, he didn't know if he could take it. They arrived at the hospital quickly and Tyler was rushed in. Josh was told to stay in the waiting room. It took long. Way too long. Josh was a wreck, just waiting for any news, when a nurse suddenly tapped him on the shoulder. Josh quickly stood up, wiping his reddened eyes and asked: "Is he okay? Oh God, please tell me Tyler's okay."

"It's just a concussion and two fractured ribs. Otherwise he's alright," She said in a kind, calming voice: "He's woken up now and we've given him painkillers. He's been assessed by the doctor and can leave in two hours unless there's a shift in his state. Though he needs to have someone by his side tonight to wake him up every two hours and check that he's responding normally. There's nothing we can do about his ribs, since they aren't cracked or dislocated, so he's just going to have to take pain medication for a while. He's been asking for you the last fifteen minutes, so I think I'll let you go see him now." She smiled and pointed to the door of the room Tyler had been taken into. 

Josh thanked her and practically ran into the room. There were three beds in the room and Tyler's was in the middle. "Baby," Josh breathed out when he saw the smaller boy and rushed to him, quickly closing the curtains that surrounded the bed to give them some privacy. Tyler looked up at him and flashed him a grin and said: "Heya." The whole left side of his face was bruised, even worse than before since they'd had time to develop and his lip was split pretty badly. Josh sighed and took Tyler's hand, pressing a kiss to the top of it, whispering: "You look beat up, but beautiful."

Tyler laughed at that, but it turned into a wince when it made his splitting headache make itself known. "Shh. Just rest. You get to go home soon. I'm gonna stay with you tonight," Josh told him. 

"Okay," Tyler nodded, too tired to really argue. Josh smiled softly and promised to take care of him before briefly going out of the room to let Jenna and his parents know that he wouldn't be coming home that day or going to school the next. Once he was done with the calls and arguing with his mom that he simply /had/ to take care of Tyler, he went back into the room, sitting next to Tyler's bed. The boy turned to look at him and reached for his hand, whispering: "I'm sorry for calling you a pussy."

Josh took his hand and almost felt like crying at the way Tyler showing his more fragile side. "I'm sorry for calling you a bitch," He replied with a small chuckle. 

"It's okay. I kind of deserved it," Tyler smiled. He knew he was being kind of a softie, which was usually more Josh's thing, but he was in a vulnerable state and honestly, just simply craved some non-violent contact. Josh smiled at him and squeezed his hand a bit as he teased: "I won't tell anyone you're holding my hand."

"I won't tell anyone you call me baby," Tyler replied, grinning tiredly at him. The blue haired boy grinned back and stayed there with him for those two hours, in comfortable silence, or quiet conversation. After that, the doctor came in and assessed Tyler once more, before deciding that he could be discharged. Since Josh was the one looking after him and he was eighteen already, he signed all of Tyler's paperwork. He asked Jenna if she would be lovely enough to go to Tyler's house and drive to the hospital, since she had just recently got her permit and she agreed when Josh promised to drive her home after. Once Jenna texted him that she was there, a nurse wheeled Tyler out in a wheelchair and Josh helped him to the car. Jenna went to sit on the backseat to let Josh drive.

"Are you alright, Tyler?" Jenna asked worriedly once they started driving towards Jenna's house, since it was closer. Jenna had really started liking Tyler's company more, though he still creeped her out a bit, so obviously she was worried. Tyler smiled a bit. It was nice to know he was cared for. "Yeah, Jenna, I'm fine. Brendon and Pete hit like girls. No offense, I'm sure you hit hard."

Jenna and Josh both laughed. They didn't have to be too worried since Tyler was making jokes. Josh dropped Jenna off at her house and she wished them a good night, patting Tyler on the shoulder and messing Josh's hair up before going inside. Once they started to drive towards Tyler's place again, Tyler remembered that he hadn't told Josh he'd been suspended, so he did. Two weeks. Josh looked over at him and sighed, running a hand through his blue hair in an attempt to flatten it down and said: "That's fine. It could've been a lot worse."

"I don't really care, I just thought you should know," Tyler replied. They drove in silence for a while, but just before they got to Tyler's apartment the boy hummed: "Josh?" His throat felt a bit tight. 

"Yeah?" Josh asked, furrowing his eyebrows at Tyler's tone when he parked and looked over at him. Tyler scratched his arm and sighed: "Thank you, I guess. For stopping me," He looked up at Josh seriously: "I would've killed him."

"I know," Josh nodded. It didn't really come off as a surprise to him, though it did give him a slight uneasy feeling. But the point was that Tyler had stopped. He'd stopped, he'd let Josh stop him. Tyler wasn't snapping. Josh got out of the car and went around to help Tyler, much like earlier that day. Tyler let him help him into his apartment, mind buzzing. He had just confessed that he could've killed a person and Josh was still treating him like this. 

Josh sighed once he had gotten Tyler into bed and under the covers, asking if Tyler wanted him to sit by him or get under the covers with him. Tyler just shrugged and told Josh that he was confusing. Josh chuckled: "I'm sorry. I'm gonna get some water for you and myself. Stay put, I'll be back in a second."

Tyler watched him as he went. He found himself being extremely glad that Josh wasn't scared of him for the first time. The blue haired boy soon came back with a glass of water for Tyler, handing it to him and making sure he drank it before saying: "You should sleep. You need rest. I'll wake you up in two hours to check you're okay."

"Okay," Tyler nodded, fiddling with his blanket before almost shyly telling Josh that he could get in too if he wanted to. Josh chuckled at this and climbed into bed with the younger boy. Tyler looked up at him and whispered: "Why aren't you scared of me? After what I told you?" 

"I'm just not. I can't. I like you too much. And you stopped. That's what matters. You weren't happy about it, maybe so, but you stopped. You haven't snapped. And you're not gonna. I'm here," Josh replied. In any other situation, the soft tone he used would've annoyed the hell out of Tyler, but now it was just reassuring. He nodded and let his eyes fall closed. He was glad that Josh was here. 

Josh put an alarm on his phone, in case he fell asleep too and stroked Tyler's hair, until the boy's breathing calmed and he fell asleep. He didn't cuddle up to Josh immediately, but eventually he moved closer in his sleep, nose pressed to Josh's neck, making the older boy smile. 

Two hours passed and Tyler slept soundly the whole time, whining like a child when Josh's too loud alarm woke him up. Josh hushed him and shut off the alarm quickly, stroking his cheek when he asked: "Can you open your eyes for me, baby?" 

Tyler grumbled in annoyance but blinked his eyes open anyway. Josh held a finger out and told Tyler to follow it with his gaze, which he did. He asked Tyler a few simple questions and then hugged him close again, saying: "Go back to sleep, Ty."

The rest of the night was tough, having to wake up every two hours, but Josh did it gladly, until 7 AM, when he finally turned his alarms off completely, after checking Tyler's state once more. Tyler had his legs wrapped around Josh's waist at this point and he mumbled into Josh's neck: "We done?" 

"We're done. Let's get some proper sleep," Josh replied, nuzzling Tyler's soft hair. Tyler nodded, already falling back asleep. Josh had slept even worse than Tyler, constantly worried that Tyler would die in his sleep or something, so he was out like a light in minutes as well. They both slept long into the day, as neither were worried about school. 

Josh was still the first one to wake up and carefully untangled Tyler's legs from around his waist and went to feed Ms B. Tyler rolled onto his stomach when Josh left the bed and blinked his eyes open, looking up at the older boy and giving him a tired smile when he turned around. Josh smiled back at him and came back over to him, sitting on the edge of the bed as he stroked Tyler's hair and asked how he was feeling. 

"My ribs hurt, but I'm fine," Tyler replied. Josh nodded and went to get Tyler a glass of water, wanting him to stay hydrated. He held the glass up to the boy's lips and let him drink some before setting it down on Tyler's desk. "You scared me yesterday," He said: "Not like... You. You didn't scare me, but the situation did."

Tyler sighed and looked away. He wasn't going to apologize for something he didn't feel bad for. This didn't upset Josh, because he knew that Tyler didn't really care about that sort of stuff, so he just kissed his forehead and stood. 

"Are you leaving?" Tyler asked him, carefully rolling onto his back. Josh nodded: "Mmh," then winked: "Only to get us something to eat though."

"Oh. Okay," Tyler replied and didn't really know why he felt so relieved by that statement. Josh smiled at him and then went out the door, making a quick trip to a nearby fast food place to get them burgers and fries. It didn't take him long at all and he was back before Tyler even knew it, not wanting to leave the boy alone for too long right now. Tyler had managed to sit up against sm the headboard and looked up at Josh when the blue haired boy handed him his drink. 

"Thanks," Tyler said and quickly posted a picture of his bruised face and split lip to his Instagram. Josh got the notification, making Tyler chuckle and liked the picture immediately, looking up at Tyler as he said: "Pretty."

"Bruises usually are," Tyler replied and Josh nodded in agreement, handing Tyler his burger and fries, telling him to eat up, which he did, feeling extremely hungry since he hadn't eaten anything since breakfast the previous day. Josh dug into his food as well, the two of them talking about anything and everything as they ate.

Once they were both finished and the wrappers were thrown into the trash, Tyler laid back on his bed, sighing. Josh did the same, carefully putting an arm over Tyler's waist, saying: "I don't want to leave you home alone for two weeks."

"I'm a big boy, Joshie," Tyler chuckled and Josh rolled his eyes: "I know you are. I just don't want you to be alone."

"Since when are you so overprotective?" Tyler asked with a little laugh. Josh scowled at him and seriously replied: "Since you got the fuck beaten out of you yesterday and could've died."

"I was ambushed. I have my guard up now. Besides they're not gonna break into my house, they don't even know where I live and even if they did, I sleep with a knife in my bedside drawer," Tyler replied and Josh couldn't help but snort: "Good to know."

"I'm not even joking," Tyler grinned and Josh laughed, starting to kiss his neck: "I know! That's why it's funny." Tyler giggled. Josh just got him in a way that nobody else had ever before. 

"Do you think you should stay in bed today?" Josh asked him then, pulling back to look at him. Tyler shrugged a bit and replied: "Not necessarily. I don't think I should walk a lot either though."

"Me neither. I just didn't want to force you to stay down and get called a pussy again," Josh smirked down at him. Tyler laughed at that. "Aw, did I huwt youw feewings?" He said, in a mocking tone and smirked right back at Josh who leaned in to bite his ear teasingly and said: "Don't make me call you a bitch."

"Maybe I like it," Tyler replied, grinning wickedly. "Being called a bitch?" Josh hummed, sliding his tongue over the shell of Tyler's ear, chuckling lowly. 

"Yeah," Tyler breathed out, shivering: "I bet you couldn't make me cry even if you tried."

"Is that a challenge, baby?" Josh questioned, sliding an arm around his waist, breath hitting the boy's neck. Tyler smirked: "Might be. Watch out for my ribs though. They're still a bit painful."

"Oh no, baby, I'm not going to fuck you right now," Josh said, shaking his head and chuckling: "I want to, but you just got out of the hospital. Nuh-uh, not happening." 

Tyler actually whined at that and looked up at him. "You can't just tease me like that, you prick!" He exclaimed. Josh gave him a shit eating grin and replied: "Yes, I can and I just did. Besides, the longer I make you wait, the more likely you are to cry."

"My face and ribs might be fucked up but I don't need those to stab you, Dun," Tyler growled and Josh just decided to annoy him further by mimicking what he had said earlier: "Maybe I like it."

"Honestly fucking kill yourself," Tyler groaned, pushing him weakly: "Fucking dick."

Josh smirked and gripped Tyler's thigh, inching close all over again. "That's a little mean," He said lowly, making Tyler bite his lip and tell him not to start again. But Josh /loved/ teasing the fuck out of Tyler. The reactions he got from him were rewarding on their own. Tyler grumbled and pushed Josh's hand away from his thigh, mumbling: "That's not fair."

Josh chuckled and slid his arm around Tyler's waist, kissing the side of his face apologetically. "When you look a bit better I'll fuck you real nice," He promised, but Tyler was still pouting and said: "That doesn't make me feel any better now."

"Aw, don't give me that face, babyboy," Josh said, sliding his hand down to Tyler's hip: "I'll jerk you off, yeah?" 

Tyler let out a small, unsatisfied sigh and nodded, looking sour. Josh chuckled: "Alright, fine. I'll blow you."

"I don't care," Tyler said, looking away. He kind of thought that maybe if he annoyed Josh enough, he'd get angry enough to just fuck him, but he knew that wasn't happening. Josh rolled his eyes at his display and moved down to get in between his legs and took the boy's pants off, throwing them on the floor, before pulling his underwear down as well. 

Tyler, being the bratty little shit he was, grabbed his phone from the bedside table and started going through it, but Josh wasn't having any of it and reached up to snatch it from him, throwing it on top of his pants on the floor and growling: "No. Your attention is on me."

"Fuck you," Tyler snarled at him, which wasn't a very smart idea, because Josh squeezed his cock hard and flicked his balls, telling him to shut up. Tyler squeaked at that and nearly kicked Josh out of reflex. Josh hummed and leaned down between Tyler's legs, starting to lick his balls slowly, saying: "Don't be a bitch. I /will/ fucking spank you."

Tyler shivered at that. God, Josh could be hot. Speaking of hot, Josh took Tyler's cock into his mouth, humming as he did. He liked watching Tyler when he did this, because the boy made the most beautiful faces when he was being pleasured. After a while though, he pulled off with a pop and said: "I won't do a lot, but I'll cut your thighs some if you want me to."

"Please, Josh," Tyler replied, nodding frantically. He was done with being a brat. He just needed to get off. Josh grinned and sat up, retrieving the knife from Tyler's bedside drawer, not wanting to look for his pocket knife. He got back into his previous position between Tyler's legs and slowly dragged the tip of the blade down Tyler's length, making sure that the touch was too light to not do any damage, even if Tyler moved. The thrill was still there though and Tyler was loving it, judging from the way his thighs quivered. 

"Sexy," Josh hummed, pushing the blade into the meaty bit of Tyler's thigh then. Tyler let out a gasp at the feeling, gripping Josh's arm and moaning: "Feels good, Josh." This was the kind of pain he liked. It distracted him from the dull ache on his ribs. 

"Yeah? Tell me how good it feels," Josh said, teasingly licking the head of Tyler's cock as he made a few cuts onto his inner thigh. Tyler whimpered: "Oh, Josh, it feels /so/ good! It hurts just right--Oh, God, Joshhh-"

The blue haired boy slowly started sucking his cock again, switching legs and starting to carve something into Tyler's thigh. 'J'. 

Tyler was moaning loudly at this point and maybe it wasn't so terrible that he wasn't getting fucked after all. Josh moaned at the sounds the boy underneath him was making. He carved a 'D' next to the J and then started cutting into Tyler's hip. 

"Josh, oh fuck, I'm close!" Tyler groaned, eyes rolling back when he felt blood trickling down his hip. Josh sucked him down farther, knife pressing into Tyler's hip bone. Josh's hand was pretty bloody now, but he didn't mind it. Tyler moaned loudly and came, thighs shaking. Josh swallowed around him and pulled off, before latching onto the cuts on Tyler's thigh, sucking his blood like a vampire. Tyler gasped and closed his eyes, enjoying the feeling. 

Josh thought that maybe he was going fucking crazy because he probably shouldn't enjoy the taste of Tyler's ois this much, but he didn't really care at this point, gripping Tyler's thighs. 

"Josh, you're gonna suck me dry, you fucking vampire," Tyler laughed, pushing at him. Josh grumbled and pulled off, looking up at Tyler, a slightly dazed look in his eyes. "Tastes good," he hummed and licked over the J and D he'd carved onto Tyler's skin. 

"What did you carve on me?" Tyler asked curiously and Josh grinned as he replied: "My initials."

"Cute. Still thinking I'm yours," Tyler chuckled. Josh shrugged and pulled Tyler's underwear up for him: "A guy can dream, right?" 

"Don't you need to get off?" Tyler asked then, changing the subject. Josh looked down and shrugged again. Tyler was in no way fit to give a blowjob and Josh wasn't going to fuck him because he'd probably end up getting too rough. "I wasn't really thinking about myself to be honest," He replied. 

"Aw, how cute of you," Tyler laughed softly: "Lay down, I'll jerk you off."

"Hm," Josh hummed and laid down like Tyler told him. He smirked at Tyler and nodded towards the bulge in his pants and said: "Get to it then."

Tyler smirked back and sat up, ignoring the dull ache on his ribs and pulled Josh's pants and underwear down for him, spitting into his palm before wrapping his hand around Josh's length, starting to jerk him off slowly. Josh put a protective arm around him to help him sit up so that he wouldn't strain himself too much. 

"Good boy," Josh smirked at him and Tyler chuckled: "No, I'm actually quite bad."

"I know," Josh grinned, thrusting up into Tyler's fist. Tyler tightened his hold a bit, moving his hand faster, making Josh groan. Tyler dug the nails of his free hand into Josh's hip, watching his expression change. Josh winced at the pain at first, but then it made him moan more. "Play with my balls," He said. 

Tyler obeyed, smirking down at Josh, who closed his eyes and cursed. He thrusted up a few more times before squirting out cum just from his balls being fondled. Tyler collected most of the cum onto his fingers and brought them up to his mouth, licking them clean while watching Josh intently. Josh hummed and reached up to run a hand through Tyler's soft hair. "Taste good, baby?" He asked. 

"Mmmh," Tyler nodded and grinned at him. Josh helped him lay back down and kissed him gently, not wanting to hurt his already beaten face. "And now, you sleep," He said, placing the knife on the bedside table, holding Tyler close. The younger boy rolled his eyes, but nodded anyway and sarcastically said: "Okay, mom."

"More like Daddy," Josh replied, smirking as he kissed Tyler's neck a few times. Tyler chuckled and teased: "Okay, Daddy."

"Don't say that right now. I'll get worked up all over again," Josh replied. "Yeah?" Tyler hummed, grinning: "Sleep well, Daddy."

Josh smacked his thigh and glared at him, telling him to stop and sleep. Tyler laughed softly and smirked: "I am going to sleep. I just wanted tell you to sleep well."

Josh rolled his eyes and wrapped an arm around Tyler's waist out of instinct. "Fine. Sweet dreams, babyboy," He replied. Two could play that game. Tyler made a sound and smacked Josh's side, making the older boy grin widely and say: "Ohhh, did I embarrass you? Maybe you'd prefer something else? Kitten? Princess?" 

Tyler slowly opened his eyes and calmly reached over Josh to grab the knife from the bedside table, placing it against Josh's throat. "Call me princess again and I'll end you," He challenged lowly. Josh couldn't help but smirk, holding Tyler's waist just a bit tighter as he hummed: "My pretty princess."

Tyler growled and rolled on top of him, careful not to put too much pressure on his ribs and pressed the knife down firmer, telling Josh to shut the fuck up. His upper lip twitched dangerously. Josh's hands roamed his back and ass as he grinned up at him and asked: "Are you gonna kill me if I don't?" 

"Don't test your luck," Tyler replied. Josh actually moaned at that and said: "Fuck, that's so hot."

Josh arched his hips into Tyler's. He knew he'd just said that he wouldn't fuck him, but God, this boy turned him on so easily. Tyler smirked down at him and leaned down to kiss him, keeping the knife in place firmly. Josh kissed back, careful not to move too much so that he wouldn't hurt himself in this (what he thought was) kinky episode. 

 

Tyler pulled back, looking down at Josh with an ice cold look in his eyes and grinned: "You're pretty fucked up, Joshie." The older boy laughed at that, still holding Tyler's hips and replied: "So are you, baby."

Tyler chuckled and leaned down to speak lowly into Josh's ear. "I could kill you right now and that turns you on so much, doesn't it? Being at my mercy? You get a kick out of it, 'cuz you know I'm impulsive and I could just do it and probably not feel a thing. You'd be my victim in a heartbeat," He said, licking the shell of Josh's ear. Now it was his turn to tease. 

Honestly, that should've scared Josh, but it just didn't. He moaned and a grin took a hold of his face. "Fuck. Yeah, I think it would be hot to be your first victim," He said in a spooky voice: "Maybe you could even get my dick up after I die."

Tyler laughed and bit Josh's ear. "Oh I hope I don't have to do that. You could just fuck me right now." Fuck. Okay. That was hot. "I could, couldn't I? But should I, after I just went through all of that trouble of not fucking you?" Josh hummed, massaging Tyler's thighs. 

"Oh, but I know you will," Tyler chuckled lowly: "You don't really have a choice with a knife to your throat, do you?" 

Josh laughed: "I have a few options but I'm gonna take your advice and not test my luck." He smirked, grabbing Tyler's ass. "Sexy fucker," He grinned. Tyler grinned right back at him and rolled off of him, pulling Josh on top of him, minding his ribs still. He kept the knife in his hand and held it up to Josh's throat. 

Josh was completely unphased by the blade against his neck at this point and pulled Tyler's boxers down, before getting to his own. He lubed up his cock with spit and pressed the tip to Tyler's entrance, knowing that the boy would start whining if he tried to prep him. Fucking masochist. "Gonna beg for it?" He grinned. 

"Gonna make me?" Tyler grinned back. "Maybe I will," Josh hummed and reached down, grabbing Tyler's balls hard. That always seemed to work. "You want my cock inside you?"

Tyler moved the knife up, pressing against Josh's throat harder, but not hard enough to break the skin. "You fucker--" He grit out, squeezing his eyes shut. Josh moaned when the blade pressure became firmer and used his free hand to slap Tyler's balls. "Beg for it, baby."

Tyler grit his teeth. "Fucking fuck me," He growled. "Say /please/," Josh growled right back, pulling his balls back in a way that tugged on his cock as well, making Tyler squeak: "Please!" while glaring daggers at Josh. 

Josh grinned and let go, pushing inside before Tyler could say anything more and groaned: "Oh, fuck, baby boy, you're so tight."

Tyler had to set the knife down at this point to grip Josh's shoulders, digging his blunt nails into his skin, whimpering out his name. Josh grinned down at him triumphantly, gripping his hips to make him stay still so that he wouldn't hurt himself and snapped his hips back and forth. "/Fuck/," He groaned. 

Tyler dragged his nails down Josh's back, whimpering and moaning loudly at how good it felt to have the older boy inside of him. 

"Your initials," Josh choked out, pointing to his chest, breathing hard as he picked up the pace: "Your initials. Here." Tyler stared up at him and nodded: "Y-Yeah, after were done I--I will."

"No. Need it to make me cum," Josh replied and slowed down a bit to make it easier. Tyler moved his hands away from Josh's back, fumbling around for the knife before picking it up. He moved it up to Josh's chest and pressed up, carving the 'T', moaning when blood dripped onto his chest. 

Josh was in love with Tyler. He was so in love with Tyler. It was like as the brunette beneath him cut his skin open, it allowed his emotions to be released. He looked down at the blood dripping onto Tyler's chest and moaned, pressing his face into Tyler's neck, sucking a few hickeys here and there. He wanted so badly for this boy to be his and only his. Tyler carved the 'J' next to the T, setting the knife down again to hold onto Josh. "I'm so close-" He mumbled, eyes watering for some unknown reason. 

Josh was shuddering above him, holding him even closer. Tears rolled down his cheeks and he kept repeating Tyler's name over and over like a mantra until he came inside with a loud groan. Tyler came right after him, squeezing his eyes shut. Since when had he been this emotional? He couldn't tell. 

When they were finished, Josh pulled out, but stayed there for a bit, holding Tyler close, calming his breathing. He wanted to say "I'm in love with you" but he knew that Tyler most likely couldn't even reciprocate. Saying that would only make him upset and confuse him and that was the last thing Josh wanted. So he just held him and cried soudlessly, not really caring if Tyler called him a softie. 

"Josh?" Tyler mumbled, catching his breath. For some reason he had tears in his eyes as well. Maybe it was just from the pleasure. "Yeah, baby?" Josh whispered, not letting go. They were together. This is how he wanted them to be. In this little moment he could pretend that they were a normal stupid teen couple that fell in love in fucking math class after exchanging glances for months. 

"What're you doing?" Tyler asked. "Feeling you," Josh hummed, shrugging. After a moment thought, he pulled back and got off of Tyler, rolling onto his side. He looked down at Tyler's initials on his chest and smiled. Tyler turned his head to look at him and reached out to touch the carvings, looking into Josh's eyes as he asked: "Are you mine?" 

Josh nodded immediately, heart pounding as he slowly met his eyes and replied: "Yeah. I am."

Tyler looked down at Josh's initials on his thigh and smiled: "I'll say that I'm yours too, though I'm not mine to give."

Josh was surprised by this. Very surprised. But he wasn't about to complain. If that was all he could get, he'd take it. He suddenly grabbed Tyler's face and kissed him deeply, as if trying to make him feel all of the emotions he did through the kiss. Tyler was his. That was a good feeling. Tyler laughed into the kiss and it was like music. 

"We're both a fucking mess," Josh said once he pulled away: "Want me to run a bath? I don't think you should be standing up much, especially after that. You're not hurt right?" 

"Calm down, Josh. I feel fine. I don't think you fractured my ribs any more than those fuckers already did," Tyler grinned: "But a bath sounds nice."

Josh nodded and got up, going to run a bath, before returning and helping the younger boy out of bed. "I'm gonna carry you, so don't try to stab me or something."

"I can walk, you know," Tyler mumbled, rolling his eyes, but let Josh carry him anyway. "I don't care," Josh said in the same, annoyed tone and carried Tyler into the bathroom, gently setting him into the tub of warm water and getting in behind him. Tyler leaned back against his chest and let Josh wash his bruised and sexed up body, practically purring at the soft touches. He wasn't really one for aftercare and usually liked to be left alone, but with Josh it was different. This was nice. 

"You're really pretty, do you know that?" Josh told him once he was done washing shampoo out of Tyler's hair, kissing his jaw. Tyler chuckled: "Thanks. You're pretty handsome."

Josh grinned and thanked him, helping him out of the bath and draining the water, before drying him off and taking him back to the bedroom. "Now you sleep for real. You need it with that concussion."

"Okay," Tyler nodded and yawned, laying back on the bed as Josh put the covers over him and said: "I'm gonna go in the living room and watch some TV, okay? Just yell if you need anything."

"I will," Tyler promised, eyes closing as Josh wished him a good nap and left the room. Tyler smiled. Josh was so nice. This was nice. He had never thought that being domestic like this would be nice, but he thought that maybe he could even get used to it. He fell asleep to that thought with a smile on his face.


	7. Dirty bathroom floor

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> [This chapter contains rape and trauma from it, I will have a seperate trigger warning for the rape itself, so you can still read the chapter and skip the rape scene itself. I will also inform you when the scene ends. Stay safe]
> 
> DISCLAIMER!! Yet again, I absolutely adore Brendon and Pete in real life and the way they act in this story is in no way tied to the way they act in real life. The only reason they act the way they do in this story is because I didn't want to create original characters for their roles, as I felt it wouldn't be fitting.

Josh watched random shit on TV in his boxers and messed around on his phone. He checked the cabinets and there was no food, so he just ended up ordering them a pizza. Tyler slept for a good four hours, until he had a nightmare that had him bolting up into a sitting position and screaming at the top of his lungs, before falling back with a groan when his ribs hurt. 

Josh heard the scream and was up from the couch and in Tyler's room in a second. "Tyler, baby, what's wrong? What happened?" He questioned as he walked over and pulled Tyler into his arms, heart racing. 

"A nightmare," Tyler whispered, trying to calm his breathing. Josh sighed in relief when it wasn't anything worse than that and started to rock him calmingly on instinct, like he used to do with his sister when she'd been younger. "It's okay. You're okay, Ty," He said softly. 

"I know," Tyler said shakily, nodding, even as he clung to Josh. In the dream, he'd been chased down a narrow alleyway to a dead end by someone with a knife. He had been completely cornered, but that wasn't what had woken him up, no. It was the moment when the person was right in his face and pulled their hood down and Tyler saw that it was him, but with cold, red eyes. Then the demonic version of him had stabbed him in the stomach, twisting the knife and that's when Tyler had woken up screaming. 

"Hey, hey... Look at me. You're shaking, baby," Josh said, cupping Tyler's cheeks gently and making the boy look into his eyes as he said: "I'm here. I'm right here and I'm not gonna let anything bad happen to you, okay?" 

Tyler nodded and stared into his eyes and probably for the first time ever, fear was obvious in his features. The look on Tyler's face scared Josh. He had never seen Tyler look frightened before. Panicked, yes, but never scared. He swallowed thickly and cradled the back of his head, kissing his forehead. "You're okay, baby. I'm here," He said. 

"I know," Tyler repeated, just as the doorbell rang. Josh sat up a bit and said: "I ordered us a pizza. I'm gonna go get it and be back in a bit. Won't take long, okay?" 

"Okay," Tyler nodded, sitting up as well and wrapping his arms around himself. Josh quickly went to the door and paid for the pizza, before coming back, not wanting to leave Tyler alone for too long when he was like this. He came back into the room. "Hey, smell this? Yummy," He said, offering Tyler a smile and a can of soda. 

"You don't have to talk to me like I'm a child or a dog. I had a nightmare, Josh, I didn't suddenly turn five," Tyler sighed and took the can from him, thanking him quietly. Josh looked down and set the pizza box down on the bed, opening it. "I know, I'm sorry. I'm just worried about you and want you to be okay," He said softly. 

Tyler looked up at him and set his drink down on the bedside table, his his face in his hands and bursted out crying. Josh immediately pushed the box aside and moved closer, pulling him into his arms and kissing his hair. "Baby, hey. Don't cry," He whispered. 

"Shit, I'm sorry--I don't know what the fuck is wrong with me," Tyler sniffled, wiping his eyes, though it didn't really help because the tears just kept coming. He hadn't properly cried in years. Josh just held him close to his chest and started rocking him again. "It's okay to cry, Tyler. I promise, I'm not judging you or anything."

"Honestly? That dream scared the fuck out of me," Tyler whispered and Josh nodded, running his fingers through Tyler's soft hair, rocking him still. "It's okay, baby. It wasn't real."

"I know it wasn't," Tyler replied, but couldn't help but wonder if it would be one day. Would the side of him that wanted to hurt people win and destroy any common sense he had? Josh pulled away slowly and smiled at him softly: "Let's eat some pizza and try to forget about it."

Tyler nodded and took out a slice. Josh tried to make conversations as they ate, but eventually just ended up running his fingers up and down Tyler's back. Once they were done eating, they put the box away and stayed in silence for a moment, before Tyler looked up at him and asked: "What do you wanna be when you grow up? Like, what job?" 

Josh was smoking a cigarette and took a long drag out of it, before saying that he wanted to be a cop. Tyler laughed at that: "Really? Why?" 

Josh raised an eyebrow at Tyler's tone and held the cigarette up to the younger boy's lips, letting him take a puff as he said: "I don't know. I've always wanted to be a police officer. They help people." Then he smirked and shoved Tyler's arm lightly, adding: "Plus, I'd look damn hot in a uniform."

"Okay, I can agree on the uniform part," Tyler smirked back, pushing Josh a bit: "I think cops are fucking snitches."

Josh laughed: "How? They save people!" Tyler rolled his eyes and mockingly repeated: "They save people," in a mocking tone. Josh took the cigarette away from him and called him a brat, leaning in to kiss his neck for a moment. "Nothing weird ever happens in this town anyway. I'll be catching some runaway punk teens and giving speeding tickets."

"Maybe you'll catch me though," Tyler grinned: "I could definitely see myself as a serial killer."

Josh snorted at that and stood up to feed Ms B. "Sure, maybe I will catch you," He replied, looking back at him and smirking: "It would give me an excuse to handcuff you."

"I don't think you really need an excuse," Tyler grinned, making Josh chuckle: "Yeah, that's true. Maybe I should buy one of those leather cop uniforms they use in shitty BDSM porn before I get to being a real cop."

"Mmh. Cuff me to the bed and use me as you please, Officer Dun" Tyler hummed, smirking. "Don't turn me on," Josh replied and kissed the side of his head as he came back to the bed. 

"Oh, I'm so sorry," Tyler said, in the most unapologetic tone he possibly could, making Josh roll his eyes and laugh as he climbed into bed next to Tyler and said: "Shut up and cuddle me."

"You're so needy," Tyler complained even as he cuddled up to Josh: "But I'll forgive you because you're warm and I'm fucking freezing."

"Sure," Josh teased, starting to run his fingers up and down Tyler's back just like he always did. Tyler closed his eyes, yawning. Josh wanted to badly to say 'Goodnight Tyler. I love you,' but he didn't. 

"Night Josh," Tyler mumbled, slowly slipping into sleep. Josh pat his back, closing his eyes as well as he held the boy and whispered: "Night baby."

Tyler slept great that night. Josh made him feel so safe. He did wake up pretty early the next morning though, as they had fallen asleep really early. Josh was still sound asleep, face squished up against Tyler's chest. 

"Josh," The younger boy mumbled into Josh's soft hair. Josh hummed sleepily, only to burrow further into him and tighten his arms around his waist. 

"It's mornin'," Tyler mumbled sleepily even as he wrapped his legs around Josh's waist. Josh seemed like he was about to get up for a moment, but then he just nuzzled his nose into Tyler's neck. He did reach down and play a drum solo on the boy's ass, which made him laugh sleepily into his neck. "Funny," He chuckled. 

"You're so fucking weird," Tyler laughed. Josh pulled back to look at him then, smiling lazily, still half asleep. He leaned in to kiss him slowly, mumbling: "You're prettyyyyy."

Tyler made a sound of disgust and pushed him away. "Ew, morning breath. Gross," He whined. Josh grumbled and told Tyler to go fuck himself, before rolling out of bed to go piss. Tyler waited until he was done in the bathroom to follow him and take out a toothbrush to brush his teeth. "I have an unopened toothbrush," He hummed, handing the package to Josh, who opened it and they both brushed their teeth in silence. 

Once they were done, Josh was grabbing Tyler's waist and grinning at him, saying: "Now kiss me. Kiss me, kiss me, kiss me, kiss me!" 

"You're gross," Tyler laughed, pressing his lips to Josh's, pushing the boy against the sink. Josh laughed into their kiss too and mumbled: "Maybe so," before kissing the boy a bit harder, making him grin against his lips. This was nice. 

Two months passed and oh, these two boys were happy. Josh was better than he had ever been and Tyler was feeling as much happiness as a person like him could. Josh made him feel so clear headed. They were rarely apart and Josh had practically moved to Tyler's apartment. They hadn't exchanged I love you's as Josh was still aware that Tyler didn't love him, because he simply couldn't, but when Tyler whispered "I care about you" or "I'm glad you're here" it was just perfectly enough. They held hands at school and even Jenna had given them her blessing, even though she worried a bit that Josh was getting messed with, but she could also see that of Tyler was capable of similar emotions, he would be so head over heels with Josh, that she let it slide. They seemed so happy and as mentioned, rarely apart. 

Except for today. Tyler was a bit annoyed that Josh got to skip last period because his sister had some sort of a school play, but he had met Josh's sister and though he didn't really like kids, she was really sweet and well-behaved and honestly, a bit cute too, so he was glad that Josh went to see the play, though it would probably be kinda dumb. Still, he couldn't help but feel a bit unsafe when he left the classroom late, after speaking with the teacher for a while and walked down the creepily quiet hallway. Almost nobody was here and it made chills run down his spine.

He called himself stupid for feeling like he was being watched. Of course he wasn't. Still, knowing that he had Josh's pocket knife in the back pocket of his jeans made him feel better. He patted it. Still there. He was safe. Still, he hurried a little, when he went to his locker and took out the stuff he needed and put away the things he didn't. He decided to go to the bathroom before leaving and hurried there, getting into one of the stalls and pissing quickly, before getting out. When he had just finished washing his hands, everything went to shit. 

The door opened and nobody else but Brendon and Pete stepped inside, closing the door after themselves. "Ohh, Tylerrr. Freak machine," Brendon sang, stepping closer. They both were blocking the only entrance. "Where's Joshie? Nowhere to be found?" Brendon taunted. 

Tyler froze. Shit. He took a calming breath, because this wasn't the time to panic and took a step back. He'd stab these fuckers if they tried to beat him up again. "He's actually coming to pick me up in a minute and I don't wanna keep him waiting so..." He said calmly, discreetly grabing the handle of the knife in his pocket. 

Brendon snorted at that and lurched forward, followed by Pete. "No, he's not babyboy. That's what he calls you, right? Do you call him Daddy?" Brendon asked and while Tyler's attention was on him, Pete easily went around and wrenched the knife out of Tyler's hand, causing it to drop on the floor. Tyler attempted to pick it up but Brendon kicked it under the stall door and Pete pinned him to the wall by his wrists. Brendon pouted at him, though it soon turned into a smirk: "We're not gonna beat you up again, Ty. Just fuck you real good."

**The rape starts here. It is not extremely detailed, of course, as neither I or the person I wrote this with were comfortable with/found it necessary for the scene to be drawn out and graphic, but if you think you might be triggered by such content, please skip it. I will inform you when the scene is over with a similar notice. Keep an eye out for it and stay safe**

Tyler's eyes widened, breath hitching. No. This wasn't happening. "Get the fuck off me," He growled, trying to sound fearless and desperately attempted to kick Pete in the shin. The boys just snickered and Brendon gripped his hair, pulling his head back. "Shut up, slut. I know you like it. There's rumors about how Josh has marked you up. I wanna see."

"Don't fucking touch me!" Tyler screamed, trying to struggle. Please let Josh find him somehow. Or anyone. Please. But no. Everyone must've left by now. Both boys grinned at him in a sickening sort of way and Brendon ripped his shirt off, while Pete did quick work on his belt. 

Tyler was starting to panic for real now, kicking his legs and screaming at them to stop. "Please no--" He gasped out once his belt came off. 

"Oh c'mon, baby," Pete cooed, his tone mockingly sweet as he kissed wetly on Tyler's neck: "We'll fuck you better than Josh ever could."

"No, I don't want this-" Tyler whimpered, then screamed at the top of his tired lungs: "I don't want this! Let me go!" 

They just held him even tighter and Brendon started touching him through his underwear. "He's probably not gonna give me a blowjob, is he, Pete?" Brendon snickered and Pete shook his head: "Probably not. He might bite your dick off. Let's just get right to the good stuff."

"Josh!" Tyler wailed, voice breaking, though he knew that Josh was nowhere near enough to hear him or much less help him. This made Brendon snort. "Josh isn't here to save you, you fucking idiot. What would he do anyway? Kiss and cuddle you? Stupid," Pete spat at him, ripping his underwear down along with his jeans. The flipped him around and forced him to bend over, both boys pressing him to the wall as they took off their own pants. There was no prep, no warning and no lube when Brendon pushed himself inside, forcing himself into places that only belonged to Tyler and Josh. 

At that moment, everything went blank. Tyler couldn't believe that this was happening to him. He felt like he was watching it happen from outside of his own body, even as he felt himself slump against the wall in defeat. Brendon began violently thrusting into him. Pete was also holding him still and jerking off with his free hand, saying: "He gave up pretty easy." Brendon nodded in reply: "Slut freak."

Tyler was sobbing. Maybe. Or maybe he was just catching his breath. No, his cheeks were wet, he felt hot tears roll down them. It hurt. Or maybe it felt good. Maybe Tyler liked it, just like they said. Maybe he was a disgusting slut, a whore, just like they said. He couldn't move. Or maybe he just didn't want to. Maybe he was meant to be used just like this, as a fucking cum dump. But no. He wanted to move. He wanted to. He wanted them to stop. He wanted this to end so bad. He didn't like it, he didn't, he hated it. He hated it so much he wanted to die. "Stop!" He wailed, but he wasn't even sure if any sound came out. 

Brendon rolled his eyes at the choked sound Tyler made and slapped a hand over his mouth, thrusting harder. "Mm. Stupid fucking whore. Shut the hell up. I'm gonna cum in your ass and then Pete's gonna take a turn."

Josh. Oh God, where was Josh? Tyler started to cry harder, shaking all over. Was this ever going to end? Tyler had never felt this used and disgusting in his entire life. He had always imagined that if something like this ever happened to him, he wouldn't care, but he cared and he was terrified. 

Eventually, Brendon finished inside of him and immediately switched with Pete who started biting his neck, grinning. "What a good little whore. Taking both of our cocks like this."

Tyler screamed into the hand that was placed over his mouth but it came out as a choked sob. There was just no fight left in him. 

**The rape ends here. It should be safe for everyone to continue reading at this point**

Once both boys were finished, they pushed him down to the floor, pulling their own pants up. "Poor little freak. You'll probably be touching yourself to this for a long time. Wait till Joshie finds out," Brendon chuckled and spat in his face, the both of them leaving, laughing and chatting like nothing had happened. Like it had been consensual. 

Tyler laid on the floor. He didn't have the energy to pull his pants up or wipe Brendon's spit off his face. He stared blankly at the wall for God knows how long, before he finally managed to pull his pants up, get his ripped shirt back in and dig his phone out with trembling hands. He was panicking and hyperventilating when he searched for Josh's name and pressed the call button. He needed Josh. 

Josh was almost done with the play, but his phone was on mute in his pocket, so he never heard the phone call. Tyler started to sob harder when Josh didn't answer. He called again and when he got no reply, he went to text him instead. "Josh" "Plesae answer" "Jsh I nrrd you" "Hekp" "Pleas" "I need yuor helpp."

Josh didn't see the texts and missed calls until about twenty minutes later when he walked out of the middle school and took out his phone to call Tyler and ask if he wanted to go somewhere that day. His heart stopped when he saw the panicked messages. He said a hurried goodbye to his family and ran to his car, panicking as he called Tyler. Had he fallen and hurt himself? Was he cutting again? Did he get beat up again? Fuck. Shit. 

Tyler was walking home, tears dried on his cheeks. He heard when his phone rang and picked up breathing out a 'hey' into the speaker. "Baby," Josh gasped out in the other end: "Baby, hey, uh where are you? God, I'm so sorry, I had my phone on mute during the performance. What happened?"

"I'm fine. I handled it," Tyler replied, voice flat, lacking emotion but in a different way that it did when he was having a depersonalization episode. It wavered a bit. And those panicked messages... Tyler definitely wasn't fine. "Tyler," Josh said, voice breaking: "Where are you? I'm coming to pick you up."

"I said I'm fine. I'm walking hom-" Tyler started but cut himself off when his left leg gave out underneath him and he fell to the hard ground. Josh heard some muffled sounds and said: "Tyler, tell me where the hell you are. Right now."

"Just by the school," Tyler sighed, deciding to give up. He didn't know if he could get home anyway. "Okay. Okay. Stay right there, okay? I'm coming to get you," Josh said quickly, starting to speed up towards the school. He saw Tyler standing by the parking lot immediately when he arrived and got out of the car, running up to him. When he got closer, he saw that Tyler wasn't really beat up much. A couple of bruises, was his shirt ripped a bit? Still, Josh was worried sick and hugged the boy tightly. "Baby, I'm so sorry. What happened? Please tell me what happened." 

"Nothin'" Tyler hummed and didn't hug Josh back: "Nothing at all."

"Tyler, I know you're lying to me," Josh sighed, helping him limp to the pickup. He had tears in his eyes now, he was so worried. "Please, you can talk to me," He said as he helped the boy to the passenger's seat and went around to the driver's side. 

"Why do you care?" Tyler asked, sighing deeply: "You weren't there. It happened. I handled it and there's nothing you can do about it now."

"Tyler, I just want to know. Please. I'm so sorry for having my phone off. If I'd only known--Just, talk to me," Josh pleaded. 

"I got fucked by two guys in a dirty bathroom. Raped. Used. Sexually assaulted. Is that what you wanted to hear?" Tyler said bluntly, staring forward out of the window, not really seeing a thing. Josh couldn't believe what he was hearing. "Y-You--" He started, but cut himself off. He swallowed. He hadn't been there to protect Tyler. He reached for him. "Tyler, I'm so sorry," He said, the pain in his voice obvious: "I-I-I--Do you need a doctor?" 

"Why would I need a doctor?" Tyler asked, looking genuinely confused at Josh's question: "Like I said, I'm fine."

Josh looked so incredibly confused as well and whispered out another apology, which Tyler ignored, in favor to say: "Can you take me home? I wanna be home. I think I should be home now."

Tyler's voice was shaky now. Repeating things somehow made him feel better. Josh knew Tyler wasn't okay. How could he be? But maybe he'd just hold him close and make him feel loved today and tomorrow and convince him to go to the doctor later. Yeah, that's what he'd do. So, he agreed to take Tyler home. 

Once they were there, he helped Tyler upstairs into his apartment, asking if he wanted to take a bath. Much to his surprise Tyler said: "No. I want you to leave," He stared at the floor: "I think you should leave."

Josh swallowed. Oh. Maybe he just needed time. Still, he told him that he didn't want to leave him alone at a time like this. That was apparently a mistake, because it made Tyler scream: "I said I was fine!" He stared up at Josh, eyes blazing with sudden anger: "Get the fuck out of my house!" 

"I'm sorry," Josh practically squeaked, grabbing his keys quickly. He didn't want to stay in case it made things worse, but maybe... Maybe if he told Tyler how much he meant to him, he would open up and let him help. "Tyler, I don't want to leave you alone." He looked a bit pained when he finally after months, said: "I love you, Tyler."

Tyler froze at that and stared up at him, whispering: "You love me?" Oh thank God, Josh thought. Maybe it would work. Maybe Tyler would even say it back. He swallowed and nodded, shifting a bit. "I-I love you," He repeated shakily. 

Tyler scoffed then, shaking his head. "Well that's a fucking dumbass thing to do," He said: "In love with a fucking fucked up psychopath? Really, Josh?" 

Josh's heart dropped. Oh right. The psychopath thing. "It's not like I chose for this to happen," He whispered, looking down at the floor. "I know you can't... Feel like that, but I thought--I just wanted you to know how much I care about you. I care about you so much, Tyler."

"You don't care. Not really. Nobody ever fucking does. You just want something from me. What is it, huh?" He spat, stepping closer to Josh, visibly trembling. His eyes looked unfocused and so very sad underneath the tough shell. "Want to fuck me, hm? Need to get off?" He pressed himself against Josh: "Go ahead then. Don't mind if I scream no or stop. Just go ahead, since everyone is free to fucking fuck me whenever they fucking please because I'm nothing but a fucking whore!" 

Josh was shaking his head, trying to speak but he couldn't get a word out in between Tyler's rambling. Tears were running down his face when he realized how truly broken this boy he had fallen in love with, was. It broke his heart. He took a gentle hold of Tyler's arms, pushing him back a little, shaking his head. "No, Tyler, no. I don't just want sex from you. You mean so much to me. I don't need to have sex with you to want to stay. I want to take care of y-" 

"Don't lie to me. Oh, c'mon now!" Tyler cut him off, laughing humorlessly, bitterly and gave Josh a dazed grin: "Come on, you wanna. Use me. Use me like I'm supposed to be used."

Josh shook his head again. This had fucked with Tyler's head even more. "No Tyler, I don't want to. Not right now. Baby, I love you. Not just for your body. That's just extra," He said, desperate to make Tyler understand that he loved him, loved him so much it hurt.

"Oh, fuck off," Tyler said, suddenly angry again: "Fuck off and let me just fucking die!" He pushed at Josh's chest, but didn't have enough strength to actually make him move. Josh didn't push him away when he started beating his chest with his fists, though again, he was too weak for it to hurt, but Josh doubted he would've moved even if it did. He just stared at Tyler as more tears rolled. "I don't want you to die," He said, a pleading edge to his tone. 

"Well this isn't about what you want! At least for now my fucking decisions are mine to make until someone takes that away from me too! Get! Out! Of! My! House!" Tyler screamed in his face. 

Josh jumped and started to sob, running out the door. He was afraid that if he stayed longer, he'd make everything even worse if possible. He ran to his car and prayed to whatever God was listening that Tyler wouldn't do anything to himself. 

Tyler's legs gave out under him, right then and there and laid on the floor, quiet. He didn't have any energy left. Nothing left.


	8. In another life

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> [This chapter contains violent thoughts, mentions of previous self-harm, slight blood kink, smut and dealing with rape-related trauma]

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aaand this is the saddest chapter yet

The next morning was horrible. Josh's eyes hurt from all the crying. He'd had to stop his car at the side of the road the night before because he hadn't seen anything through the tears. He had been and still was, so fucking scared that he would never see Tyler again. 

Tyler's morning wasn't amazing either. The skin on his arms was scrubbed raw from the shower, trying to get rid of the other boys' touch on his skin the night before. And well, he had spent the most of his night on the deep web, looking through the goriest videos he could possibly find, imagining the victims as Brendon and Pete. It had made him happy at least. 

Josh was terrified to go to school because he'd been sending messages to Tyler all night, without getting a single reply. Tyler hadn't even looked at them. If Tyler didn't show up... It was painfully likely that he was dead. But apparently Josh didn't have to worry about that, because when he arrived at school, Tyler was already there, sitting at the courtyard. Josh immediately went up to him, overcome with worry, because though he was glad to see Tyler, he shouldn't be at school after something like that. "Tyler, baby. Ty--" He said, reaching out to touch his shoulder. 

Tyler didn't reply. He just stared forward with a blank expression on his face. He wasn't doing this to ignore Josh, he just simply didn't realize that the other boy was there. He was busy staring at Brendon and Pete across the yard, talking to their friends like nothing had ever happened. Josh followed his gaze and his eyes darkened. He had been guessing that it could be them, but he hadn't been sure. His eyes darkened with anger, but then he turned back to Tyler, turning the boy towards him. "Baby, look at me," He pleaded. 

Tyler blinked at him with unfocused eyes and simply told him to fuck off. Josh let his hands fall away from Tyler's shoulders at that. "Y-You should be at home," he said quietly. 

"I should be dead. Yet here I am," Tyler replied flatly, looking back at Brendon, completely tuning Josh out again as he mumbled: "Slit their throats and dig out their guts and show their own beating hearts to them before they fucking die screaming. Who's gonna be fucking laughing then? I'm gonna be laughing."

Josh widened his eyes at Tyler's quiet words and took his arm, trying to pull him up and into the other direction, saying: "Tyler, you need a doctor. I'm taking you to the nurse."

"Don't fucking touch me!" Tyler screamed suddenly, standing up and pushing Josh so hard the older boy fell over: "Don't ever fucking touch me!" 

People were staring at them now and Josh looked up at Tyler, looking so hurt and scared. "I-I'm sorry, I'm so sorry--I'm just trying to help, I just--I just wanna help," He whispered tearfully. In reality he had no idea what to do. He was just a teenager. They both were. They were both just a couple of fucking kids who didn't ask for any of this to happen, yet got dragged in the middle of it all and it was terrifying. 

"Well your help is a good sixteen hours too fucking late!" Tyler screamed and stormed off. Brendon and Pete had the nerve to laugh. Josh pushed himself up and didn't go after Tyler. He couldn't. Instead he walked up to the two boys who had done this to the boy he loved and spat: "You two are disgusting people and I hope you both burn in hell!" And then he turned on his heel and ran to the parking lot. He couldn't do school today. 

Tyler went through his school day but didn't listen. This continued the day after that, the rest of the week, next month. He kept having to leave class because of panic attacks and got next to no sleep, due to terrifying nightmares of hands touching him where he didn't want them to touch. His classmates avoided him even more than usually because he kept having involuntary ticks, his body moving, jumping and shaking on its own. It was three weeks before graduation that he realized he needed to fucking leave. 

At first, Josh tried desperately to get Tyler to talk to him, to do anything to help, but the younger boy had shut him out completely. Still, he defended Tyler and told people to shut up when they made nasty comments about him. He became rather depressed and quiet, finding no joy in things anymore. Not even Jenna could make him feel better anymore. He blamed himself for all of this. If he'd just skipped that stupid play, none of this would've happened. He didn't, couldn't look at Tyler in psychology anymore or watch him when he sat waiting for his bus. He was sure that the boy blamed him too. 

The day Tyler had everything planned out was a Thursday. Pretty weather. His bus would leave at 6 PM. He still came to school though and immediately when he spotted Josh, he walked over to the boy, sat down next to him on the grass and lit a cigarette, offering it to him. This was probably the last time he'd see Josh anyway. 

Josh looked up in utter surprise and slowly took the cigarette that was being offered to him. Had Tyler finally decided to try again? "Tyler," He breathed out, staring at him. "Josh," Tyler nodded in reply. Josh took a drag out of the cigarette, blowing out smoke before swallowing thickly and whispering: "You... You're talking to me. I don't understand."

"Then don't," Tyler shrugged, taking the cigarette from him and took a drag out of it as well. He almost got ash in his eye when his hand randomly twitched. Josh blinked slowly, then sighed: "But, I thought--I miss you, Ty."

Tyler looked back at him and flashed him a grin. "Yeah, I miss you too, J," He replied. "Y-You do? But-" Josh cut himself off. He was so confused. This was really weird. Why had Tyler suddenly decided to talk to him again? He decided to just straight up ask: "Why don't you talk to me anymore? You're always welcome to talk to me about anything. I still care, I never stopped."

"I don't know," Tyler shrugged. His hand twitched again, then his shoulder as he said: "I'm okay now though."

That was a lie and everyone in the damn school knew it. Tyler was far from okay but he obviously didn't want to talk about it, so Josh didn't push it, instead asking if they were going to keep talking like they used to. "At least today," Tyler nodded. He couldn't exactly tell Josh that he was leaving because if he did, the boy might not want to spend the day with him and Tyler /needed/ to be with him on their last day. Or worse, Josh could try to convince him to stay and promise to protect him from anything like that happening again and Tyler would break and say yes. And he couldn't do that. He couldn't stay here. 

Josh wasn't exactly sure what Tyler meant by that, but didn't question it. Maybe the boy was just in a good mood today. Jos would take any time he could spend with Tyler right now, so he didn't complain. Instead, he asked if Tyler wanted to skip school and go to sit at the lake. Tyler agreed and the boys made their way to Josh's pickup. As they walked, Tyler put the cigarette out on his arm that was decorated with a bunch of new scars. Josh looked at them and it made him feel sad and just plain terrible, but he didn't mention it. He wondered what had become of his initials. He still had Tyler's on his chest, clear as day. 

The boys got into Josh's pickup and drove to the nearest store where Josh bought them drinks and a huge load of shitty, cheap candy, before driving them to the lake. Once there, the boys climbed to sit at the back of the truck, like they'd done so many times during the short time everything had been damn near perfect. When they'd been a couple of kids acting head over heels for each other though one of them didn't even feel things that way. 

"So, why'd you decide to talk to me again?" Josh asked Tyler, glancing at him. "I honestly don't really know," Tyler replied, shrugging a bit: "You've stood up for me though I have been just fucking terrible towards you. And it wasn't your fault... What happened to me."

Josh was actually shocked to hear Tyler say that and oh, so relieved though he did still blame himself. He offered Tyler some m&m's with the boy accepted. "Oh. I feel like it was. I should've been there to help you," He said quietly. 

"Your sister had a play," Tyler said, smiling a bit: "You weren't my body guard, Josh. It wasn't your job to protect me. Besides, nobody would've guessed that would happen. I know I didn't."

"I wanted to be though. I just... I wanted to-I /want/ to protect you from all of the shit in this world," Josh sighed, looking down at his hands. Tyler seemed so tough but he was perhaps even more fragile than the average person. Having trouble with his own feelings must've been terrifying, unable to even recognize his own normal emotions. The world could so easily get too much for someone like that. Josh didn't want that to happen to Tyler. 

Tyler sighed and shrugged yet again. He had no idea what to say to that. He put a few candies into his mouth to distract himself from the awkward silence. Josh sighed too and glanced at him, before quietly asking: "Am I allowed to kiss you right now, or are we just friends?" 

"Kiss me," Tyler replied immediately, suddenly sounding desperate and climbed onto Josh's lap, making the older boy gasp and set his bag of candy down. "Kiss me, please," Tyler whispered and Josh obeyed, pressing his lips to Tyler's, starting to kiss him desperately. Tyler kissed back with equal desperation. He didn't know what had come over him but he needed Josh. He needed Josh around him, on top of him, all over him. 

Josh actually felt tears spring up in his eyes when Tyler kissed back and held the boy's waist tightly as he mumbled against his lips: "I miss you."

"I miss you too," Tyler whispered shakily. Josh pulled away from the kiss, cupping Tyler's face and desperately said: "Come back to me. Baby please, come back, I can't do this without you."

"I'm here. I'm here with you," Tyler replied, holding onto Josh's forearms. Josh looked up at him, more hope in his eyes than there'd been in months when he asked if Tyler would stay. Tyler's mouth opened, the closed again, but no words came out. Then he managed to whisper out a "yes". He knew it wasn't fair, but technically he wasn't lying. He would stay. For today. For the next nine hours. 

Josh beamed at him then and hugged him tightly. So tight. "I-I love you! I missed you so much," He told Tyler. Tyler nodded and yet again replied that he'd missed Josh too. Because he really had. He'd missed Josh so much his heart hurt. He was almost sad that he couldn't stay. Maybe he could just take Josh with him and they could both blow this shit town with shitty people in it? Tyler wanted that so badly, but he knew it wasn't possible. Not because Josh wouldn't go with him, no, Josh would probably pack his bags in ten minutes if Tyler just said the word. But because Tyler knew he was about to snap. He could feel it, lurking just beneath the surface like a crocodile, disguising itself as something harmless, just a rock, waiting for that right moment to strike. And Josh couldn't be there when it did. He couldn't get Josh caught up in all that. Josh had a future, unlike Tyler. This boy deserved the fucking moon, stars and sun, not a mentally unstable boyfriend who could end up hurting him because he was slowly losing his fucking mind. 

Josh started kissing his cheek, then jaw and neck, tears in his eyes. He had gotten his babyboy back. And he was okay. "Josh," Tyler whispered shakily, tilting his head to let Josh kiss all over his neck: "Josh, I need--" 

"Need what?" Josh asked, his hand slowly sliding underneath Tyler's shirt. He knew already. He needed it too. "I need you," Tyler said: "I need you, need to feel you, Josh. I-I haven't... After-" 

Josh nodded and pulled Tyler's shirt off, kissing down his neck to his chest breathing heavily. "A-Are you sure?" He asked. 

"Please," Tyler whimpered and got off of Josh's lap and laid down instead, pulling the older boy on top of him in the limited space. "I need you to carve your initials on me again," He said then. Once he'd been really upset, wanting to blame Josh, wanting to fucking despise him, he'd dug a knife into his hip, completely getting rid of the scarred letters. But now he wanted them back. 

Josh nodded and pulled his pocket knife out of his pocket and showed it to Tyler, asking where he wanted them, taking his own shirt off to show Tyler that the boy's initials were still sitting nice and pretty on his chest. "On my stomach, a bit higher than last time," Tyler replied, reaching up to brush his fingers over the scarred writing on Josh's chest, looking a bit awed. 

Josh closed his eyes for a moment when his scar was touched and nodded, leaning down to press kiss to a spot right below Tyler's ribcage, asking: "Here?" Tyler shook his head and told him to go lower. Josh kissed the soft part of Tyler's stomach then, right below his navel, a bit to the right, rubbing his face against it for a moment, getting a small laugh out of Tyler, before asking again: "Here?" 

"Yeah, right there, please," Tyler replied, nodding. Josh immediately started to carve the 'J' into Tyler's skin, moaning at the sight of blood. "Missed how it tastes," He hummed, licking the knife before continuing and saying: "God, Tyler. You're so fucking beautiful."

Tyler blinked up at him. He wasn't beautiful. He was messed up and broken. That's what he thought anyway. But Josh almost made him believe that he was, at least for a few seconds and that was so good. 

"Mine," Josh said simply, kissing over the initials once he was done, setting the knife aside, before starting to pull Tyler's pants down desperately. That made Tyler's breath hitch. Fuck. He couldn't breathe. "Josh," He breathed out, starting to tremble a bit: "Josh, I--Please, I--Hold me- Please hold me. I-I'm gonna freak out."

Josh immediately stopped what he was doing and wrapped his arms around Tyler, holding him protectively. "Hey, it's okay. I've got you. I'm here. I'm not gonna let anyone hurt you again. Ever. I'm not gonna do anything you don't want me to."

"I know, I just--I just need you t-to go slower this time," Tyler said quietly, feeling embarrassed. Josh shook his head at how embarrassed Tyler looked to ask that and kissed his cheek: "I can do that. I just got a little carried away. I'm sorry," He kissed all over Tyler's face to calm him down: "Can we get these pants off now or do you need a moment?" 

"You can take them off," Tyler whispered. Josh liked it rough. Something like this wouldn't probably even be good for him. Josh started giving him soft kisses down his torso, as if to prove Tyler wrong, though he obviously couldn't know what the boy was thinking, as he pulled his pants down all the way, mouthing at him through his underwear as he unbuttoned his own pants. "Just tell me if you need a break or need me to stop, yeah? I won't be mad. It's okay to change your mind."

"Yeah, I know," Tyler breathed out, arching his back. He was okay. This was Josh, after all. His Josh. His good and kind Josh who understood him better than he did himself. His Josh, who would never hurt him against his will. Not Brendon. Not Pete. Josh. Everything was okay. 

Josh moaned when Tyler arched his back and hurriedly took both of their bottoms off. Tyler stared up at him, focusing on his face, on the fact that this was Josh, who loved him. Josh loved him. 

"You okay, baby?" Josh asked, slowly massaging Tyler's thighs. He wouldn't touch between his legs until he was sure that Tyler was alright with it. "I'm okay," Tyler confirmed, then smiled: "I'm with you."

Josh smiled back and nodded, taking Tyler's cock into his mouth, closing his eyes in some form of relief. He had missed this so much. And not just this, not sex, he'd missed /Tyler/ so fucking much. Just his voice, his eyes, everything about this boy. 

He kept this up for a whole before letting Tyler's cock slip out of his mouth, looking up at the boy as he asked: "Is it okay if I start prepping you now? I'll be real gentle, okay?" 

"Yes, please," Tyler nodded, scrambling for something to hold onto, to brace himself and Josh offered him his free hand to hold, which Tyler gladly grabbed. Josh coated his fingers with spit, reminding Tyler that he could say stop at any time, before pushing one into his hole. Tyler gasped and squeezed Josh's hand, but didn't tell him to stop. It was alright. Josh was gentle. 

Josh squeezed back and opened him up with one finger, before inserting a second one, getting a shaky moan out of Tyler. "Feeling good? Everything alright?" Josh confirmed and Tyler hurriedly nodded, pressing back against his fingers. Josh groaned at that and kept scissoring him open. He added a third finger and fingered him like that for a moment, until he couldn't take it anymore and pulled his fingers out, positioning the head of his cock to Tyler's hole. "Is it okay if I-" Josh started, but Tyler cut him off by moaning: "Please!" 

Josh didn't need more encouragement than that to push inside, groaning. "J-Josh-" Tyler whimpered, clinging to him. It didn't hurt. It just felt good. 

"I know," Josh hushed him, kissing Tyler deeply. He began a slow rhythm, feeling Tyler as if he had never before, like this was their first time like this. "So beautiful, so pretty," He praised. Tyler kept repeating Josh's name over and over again, moaning: "So good!" 

Josh eventually got faster, unable to control himself, but Tyler loved it, holding onto him tightly and gasping out at how good it was. "Come on. Cum for me," Josh eventually whispered into Tyler's ear. He then buried his face into the boy's neck, tears springing up in his eyes

Tyler moaned and came messily, thighs shaking where they were wrapped around Josh securely. Josh followed suit, arms around Tyler tightly as he rutted out his orgasm, groaning: "God-" 

"Fuck Josh," Tyler breathed out and smiled dazedly when Josh pulled back to look at him, pulling out slowly. He leaned down to kiss Tyler gently, so so very softly, like the boy below him was made of glass and whispered: "I missed you so much. I love you."

"I--I love you too," Tyler whispered back. He knew it was so fucking unfair of him to say that now, but it just felt so right, saying that to Josh. Josh completely froze at that. "You do?" He breathed out, then shook his head: "You don't just have to say that. I know that you don't really feel things that way."

"Yeah, but I really think I do though. In my own way. I have never, in my entire life, given a shit about anyone, Josh. Except you. You're the exception. There is only one person in this world whose death I'd care about and that's you and I think that's as close as a psychopath can get to loving somebody," Tyler told him. It was true. Oh Christ, he really did love Josh. It was terrifying. 

Josh looked completely stunned and then broke into a tearful smile. "Tyler! That's--That's great! We're making progress!" He exclaimed, grinning as he embraced the younger boy and kissed him. Tyler kissed back. No, they weren't. Tyler was getting worse day by day. But he didn't tell that to Josh. 

After a while of laying there, Josh let go of Tyler, dressing them both and took out his phone (that was pretty broken because he'd thrown it across the room a few times when he'd been angry) to look at the time. They still had hours. That was good. He carelessly threw it in the general direction of his pants. 

After Josh was done putting Tyler's boxers and shirt back on, he went to a box at the back of the pickup and took out a big blanket, cuddling up to Tyler and throwing the blanket over them, making sure that Tyler wasn't too cold. "No. This is nice," The brunette replied. 

"Good," Josh hummed, kissing Tyler a few times and rubbing circles into his back like he always used to do. Tyler closed his eyes. He felt safe here. Not angry, not twitchy. Just warm and so very loved. 

Josh became increasingly drowsy from 1.) having his baby back, 2.) his recent orgasm and 3.) the fact that he hadn't slept much and it was so warm here with Tyler. "Josh," Tyler mumbled into his chest then: "I gotta be home by five."

"Hm?" Josh hummed, burying his face into Tyler's soft, brown hair: "Mkayyy."

"I gotta set an alarm," Tyler said: "Give me your phone, I threw mine somewhere." Josh chuckled and felt around for a while before handing Tyler his phone. Tyler took it and opened it frowning then. "What's the pass code?" He asked. 

Josh turned bright red then and quietly mumbled: "Your name." Tyler laughed softly at that and typed it, setting an alarm to half past four. He then set the phone down and cuddled up to Josh, grinning: "That's pretty cute."

Josh let out childish laughter and snuggled right back: "Uh, thanks. I put it... Uh, before and then... I just never had the heart to change it."

Tyler nodded, burying his face into Josh's neck and breathing in his scent. A sob threatened to slip past his lips when he realized that after today they could never be like this again. He closed his eyes. Their last day. 

Josh, blissfully unaware of these thoughts, fell asleep holding Tyler tightly. He slept better than he had since what had happened to Tyler. Tyler eventually fell asleep too and he too, slept better than he had since the episode in the bathroom. 

When the alarm when off, Josh thought that he was in bed and rolled on top of Tyler, mumbling something unintelligible. Tyler mumbled right back and blinked his eyes open, reaching out from under Josh to turn off the alarm. "I gotta get up," He grunted. 

"Nooo," Josh whined and pulled the blanket over both of their heads. Tyler sighed, staring up at him in the dark: "Josh please, I have a thing I have to go to at six."

"What thing?" Josh asked, leaning down to kiss him a couple of times. "Just... It's important," Tyler said: "And I have to shower and change my clothes before it. I'll text you about it later."

Josh sighed in defeat. "Okay. I love you," He said, nuzzling his cheek. Tyler repeated it and kissed Josh, before pushing the older boy off of him and getting up to pull his jeans on. He grabbed his phone and put it into his pocket. Josh chuckled and did the same before both of them went around to sut at the front and Josh drove them to Tyler's apartment building. Once they stopped at Tyler's parking lot, Josh turned to him and said: "I'm gonna miss you until tomorrow. Make sure to text me, yeah?" 

"I'll text you, I promise," Tyler replied. He would text Josh. To tell him he'd left. And then he'd smash his phone. Josh smiled and told him to kiss him before he left. Tyler did, kissing Josh deeply, almost crawling into his lap. This was their last kiss and Tyler was going to make it count. Then he accidentally hit the horn and jumped. Josh laughed, pressing one more kiss to his lips: "Dork. See you."

Tyler chuckled and promised to text Josh, before running to the door. Before he went in though, he turned around and glanced at Josh one more time, before going into the hall. He felt clear-headed for once. And though he didn't want to leave, he knew he had to. Before anything major happened. Before Josh could get hurt. He had everything planned out. He had packed a bag of essentials and found a cage that would have to do with transporting Ms B. He'd have to buy her a new tank at the new place, but that wouldn't be an issue since he had stolen money from his parents, easily remembering their codes. They probably wouldn't even notice or care. They'd be glad to have Tyler in a different city. 

He made his way to the bus station and one he had made it to his bus, he sent Josh a message, simply saying: "Josh." The older boy had been trying to distract himself by making food and watching Netflix so that he wouldn't get too excited and text Tyler first. When his phone alerted him that he'd gotten a text message though, he immediately paused the movie and practically pounced on his phone to reply: "Hey Ty!" 

Tyler swallowed thickly at Josh's enthusiastic reply. He couldn't back out now. So he began to write: "Josh. I'm so sorry. I can't take this town and these people anymore. I can't focus on anything but the thought of fucking murdering Brendon and Pete every time I see them. I have panic attacks. I'm going fucking crazy. And I'm not kidding this time. This isn't a funny little serial killer joke. I will snap and that's not far. And I don't want you to be caught up in all that. I /can't/ have you caught up in all that. I can't have you get hurt because I don't know what's going to happen to me. I'll break my phone after sending this and all I'll tell you about my whereabouts is that I'm going away and you shouldn't try to look for me. But for all that it's worth I really think that I meant it when I said I loved you. I love you and I know that's unfair of me to say. I'm sorry. Just thought you should know that if if depended just on me anymore, I'd stay. But I'm not putting you in danger. Maybe in another life everything will go well for us. Please become so happy Josh." And then, before he could regret it or see Josh reply, he threw his phone against the floor and stomped on it a few times, getting a strange look from an old lady, sat on a seat across from him. The bus pulled out from the parking lot and Tyler couldn't help a few tears falling to his cheeks. 

Josh's heart stopped when he started reading the text that came in. No, no, that couldn't be true. He stood up from his bed in panic, only to sit right back down when his legs gave out. He quickly typed: "Tyler," followed by a dozen more frantic messages. That's why he'd come back. It had been their last day together. Josh jumped up then and grabbed his keys, rushing to his car and drove towards Tyler's apartment. "No--Oh God, fucking no!" He cursed. He sobbed as he drove and barely got the car stopped before he was running out into the hallway. He knocked frantically but of course, nobody opened the door. He ended up breaking the doorknob and going in. Some things in the kitchen and living room were missing, but all of the furniture was still in place. "Tyler!" He called, running to his bedroom. Even Ms B was gone. "No, no-" He sobbed and collapsed onto Tyler's bed. 

He held his head in his hands and just sat there in disbelief, staring at nothing. After about an hour of straight up sobbing, he managed to call Jenna and ask her to pick him up. He didn't think he could drive on his own. Jenna immediately agreed when he heard how absolutely devastated Josh sounded and ran to Tyler's apartment, since the boy didn't live too far. She could drive them back in Josh's car. She was terrified that maybe Tyler had done something to him. She had learned to like Tyler during the short time he and Josh had been together, but he knew how unstable Tyler was, especially right now. 

Josh had managed to move to the living room, looking up at Jenna with reddened eyes when she stepped inside. He waited for the girl to sit down next to him before bursting into tears all over again and showing her the message, head in his hands again. "How did I not know? How did I not figure it out?" 

Jenna wrapped her arms around Josh and rubbed his back calmingly. "Josh, sweetheart, he's sick," She whispered: "He had too many issues for you or him to handle."

"But I love him," Josh said in a heartbreaking tone, as if his love for the younger boy would be enough to make it all okay. "He can't be gone," He sniffled. Jenna sighed sadly. "I know you do, Josh. I'm sorry," She said softly: "But maybe... Maybe it's better this way."

"/Better/?" Josh exclaimed, wiping his eyes angrily: "He's the love of my life and now he's gone! How is that better?" 

"Josh, please calm down," Jenna said in a calming tone: "You saw the message, you read it. He's scared of hurting you. You. You're supposed to be his boyfriend or whatever. He's not supposed to be scared of hurting you. He shouldn't have urges like that. He's so messed up, Josh. Maybe he'll see a doctor. Or maybe he'll get better on his own when he doesn't have to see his ra--rapists every day."

That did make sense. Jenna always knew the right things to say. Josh sighed deeply and laid his head on Jenna's shoulder. "I'm never gonna see him again," he said, barely audible. 

"You never know," Jenna whispered, stroking his hair. Josh still felt hopeless. What was he without Tyler? What had he been before Tyler? It should've been alarming that he really couldn't remember, but he didn't care. His heart just ached so much, he thought he was dying. What was he going to do with himself now? He had no idea. So, he just buried his face into Jenna's shoulder and cried.


	9. Red

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> [This chapter contains graphic violence, murder, mentions of attempted rape, mentions of previous rape and self harm]

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You guys are in for one hell of a ride

Everything really did seem completely hopeless without Tyler for a long time. Josh spent weeks in bed, skipping school and just thinking. But then he picked himself up. How? Only God knows. But he reminded himself that it wasn't like Tyler was dead. He had just left. And Josh wanted to convince himself that the boy was getting better. So he worked his ass off and graduated with a 3.8 GPA and a full scholarship to a state college. He ended up dropping out half way through the first year though, because it just "wasn't his thing." He stopped thinking about Tyler so much, though sometimes the boy was still his late night topic of tears. Finally though, he went to and graduated from police training and moved to a bigger city and worked his way up to become one of the best officers there. At least his boss said he was and Josh took her word for it. It was a good job. Josh really felt like he was helping people. 

Tyler thought that he was getting better for a while. He really did. Fresh air, fresh faces, new city, no Brendon or Pete taunting him with their very existence. His apartment was nice. He liked it there, but he really missed Josh. Of course he did. But he felt better here and he just knew that this decision was for the better. He felt okay. Until he didn't. His taste in what he looked up on the deep web got more and more disturbing and gorey and he found himself enjoying life feeds a lot more than he probably should have. He felt twitchy and paranoid, though he didn't know what it was that made him feel that way. So, he thought that perhaps something fun, a change of pace would do him good. So he went on a date. Just for the hell of it. Just because he wanted to get his mind off things. The guy was exactly like his profile led Tyler to believe. Sort of attractive too. He offered to drive Tyler home after they were done eating and Tyler agreed because he didn't have a car and taking a bus at this time of night wasn't exactly the most comfortable thought. The guy talked cheerily, smiled. He was kind, maybe a bit dorky. Sort of reminded Tyler of Josh actually. Maybe that's why Tyler agreed to let the guy inside so they could watch a movie. To pretend that he was on the couch with Josh instead, just for a little while. But that's not the way it ended at all. They didn't even make it to the couch when the sweet, kind man was pushing him against the wall, lips attacking his, gripping his hips, trying to touch him where he didn't have permission to touch. And he didn't stop, not even though Tyler said no, no and no again. Tyler killed him. He slipped out of the man's grip somehow, ran into the kitchen and got a knife. The guy didn't stand a chance because now Tyler had the element of surprise. He stabbed him 67 times, 32 in the genital area. That was the last straw. He snapped like a fucking wire. And he killed another, someone who hadn't done anything to him. Tyler didn't know why he'd killed her exactly but it felt right so she must've done something punishable by death. Then he killed another. And another and eventually changed cities in fear of getting caught. One thought stayed clear in his fucked up brain though; Josh. 

Josh obviously heard about the string of murders, being a police officer and all, though he was sure that everyone in the damn city knew about them if they owned at TV. Josh tried to ignore it, though it caused some restlessness with his fellow officers, though it had happened a few cities over. The first victim had allegedly been a serial rapists, accused of several date rapes and attempts. He'd been stabbed an unbelievable amount of times. Josh tried to push it away from his mind. The details seemed all too familiar. Today, he drove home after a long day of work, to a small rental house he had in the suburbs. It wasn't the nicest place, since he was just starting out, but pretty nice, especially after some decorating to make the place look a bit more like home. 

Tyler found Josh. It wasn't too difficult, really. Tyler might've been insane, but he wasn't stupid, having gotten away with four murders by now. His first instinct had been to go through police records of different cities. New officers, just graduated and there he'd found him. Joshua Dun. Picture and all, with yellow hair now. Tyler grinned. Perhaps before all of this he'd been scared of hurting Josh. But that had been years ago. God, how many? Five? Tyler wasn't exactly sure anymore. But something along those lines anyway. And now he knew that he could control who he hurt. Somewhat. So, he dug around a bit and found Josh's address. That day, he decided to leave a little surprise at his door. Nothing too obvious yet, just a tiny thing. He taped a sticky note to Josh's door and drew a smiley face on it, with red marker, making it look like it was dripping blood. 

Josh got out of his squad car that evening, dragging himself to his door. He frowned when he saw the sticky note on his door and rolled his eyes as he took it off. Stupid kids on the block or something. He shook his head to himself and went inside, crumbling up the piece of paper and throwing it in the trash. 

Tyler had been a bit upset that he couldn't see into Josh's apartment from the outside, so he just went home. But the next day, he'd do something a bit more recognizable. He actually went back the next morning, a hoodie over his head and sunglasses covering his eyes as he leaned against the building and watched Josh leave his apartment. Josh had been right back then. He looked damn hot in a uniform. 

Josh briefly went to check the mail and looked around with a frown on his face. He felt like he was being watched but then again, he was pretty paranoid sometimes. He sighed and ran a hand through his hair, before going to his car and driving off. Maybe all this serial killer talk was really getting to him more than he wanted to admit. 

Once Josh's car was out of sight, Tyler slipped into the hallway, leaving another sticky note on Josh's door, this time writing: "Cops are fucking snitches." He wondered if Josh remembered him saying that to him once. 

Josh's day was boring that day. Nothing really happened, aside from a kid trying to break into a car, but Josh supposed that it was good that nothing major was going on. His boss told him to leave early that day and Josh accepted. He was told he deserved it. He was a good officer after all. So, he headed home an hour before his shift ended. He smiled and waved at one of his neighbors when he came out of his car and headed into the hallway, furrowing his eyebrows when he came to his door. Another note. He took it off and read it, his heart skipping a few more beats than was probably healthy. It sounded exactly like something Tyler had told him a long time ago, when he said he wanted to become a cop. He shook his head. It couldn't be. It was probably just some dumb kid in the neighborhood that hated cops because he wanted marijuana legalized. Josh grumbled the piece of paper, much like the last one, trying to think nothing of it. 

Tyler wondered if Josh remembered, that night when he was laying on his bed and cutting himself lazily. He made sure to avoid Josh's initials though, even when his hips, waist and stomach were covered in cuts. The next day, the saga continued and he left a note asking: "Scared of me yet?" 

By the time Josh found this note he was sure that there was something else than just some kid messing with him. His mind kept screaming: "Tyler, Tyler, Tyler! Josh, you idiot, it's Tyler!" But he couldn't believe it. How would Tyler have even found him? And why would he do this now? He was the one that had left, not Josh. Still, it stressed Josh out to no end and he couldn't focus on anything at home that day. He tried to distract himself by working out, but it didn't really do too much for him, just nearly caused him to dislocate his shoulder when he didn't pay attention to the weight he was lifting. Christ. He ended up laying on the couch, thinking it all through, when the suddenly doorbell rang. 

Tyler knew it was risky, but he came back the same evening, this time pushing a piece of paper underneath Josh's door and ringing the doorbell, before rushing down the hall. He didn't want to be seen just yet. Messing with Josh was fun. 

Josh frowned when the doorbell rang and got up from the couch and went to the door, picking up the piece of paper on the floor. "I did it. I became the serial killer I always joked about. You thought it was all jokes. Now, it isn't." Josh's heart sped up. "Holy fuck," He said out loud and dropped it, opening the door and looking around. "Tyler!" He called, sounding more confused than ever. 

Tyler heard Josh's voice call his name before the hallway door closed behind him and grinned to himself, making a sharp turn behind another house. Josh felt like he was going nuts when he ran down the hallway and then outside, in socks and basketball shorts, no shirt, calling out Tyler's name again and looking around for him desperately. No trace of him. And Josh must've looked fucking crazy just standing there half-naked. Great. He sighed deeply and went to his car to grab his pack of cigarettes and leaned against it to smoke. He had to be going crazy. Tyler probably wasn't even alive anymore. That thought made Josh's breath hitch though, so he changed it to 'Tyler was probably living a normal life after getting help. He wasn't here, leaving Josh creepy messages.' That made Josh feel a bit better, though a bit bitter. 

But oh, Tyler was there and he was happy. Overjoyed. He felt the same way he did after a juicy kill. Though this feeling left him craving one thing; blood. Which sparked an idea of going to a club that night and picking up this pretty young man, who was all over him and dragging him to a back alley and killing him. Tyler stabbed him in the stomach a few times, holding a hand over his mouth, before finishing him off with a well aimed stab between the ribs. Then he cut off the boy's ring finger, put it in an envelope with a little note that said: "Scared, Joshie?" like the way he'd always used to tease Josh, back when they had been just a pair of dumb kids, maybe in love, before leaving it into the officer's mailbox at night time. He wanted to see if Josh was really scared. He hadn't been back then. He was sad that he couldn't see Josh's face when he opened the envelope. 

Josh's face was indeed priceless when he eventually opened the envelope the next day. He had known to expect something strange when he'd noticed droplets of blood leaking through the white paper, but it still made him let out a gasp and widen his eyes. The little note inside was bloody but Josh could still read it. "Scared, Joshie?" He read and sighed our loud: "More like really fucking frustrated." For some reason though, he didn't show these things to his boss. It was too soon. He needed to really see Tyler and know that it was him, really him and not somehow someone else playing an extremely cruel prank on him. He disposed of the finger, wondering if his colleagues would find who it belonged to, today. The thought made him shudder a bit. He decided to just wait and try to distract himself. 

The next day, no new note came, because Tyler forgot about Josh. Or well obviously didn't /forget/, but something more important than messing with the older man came up. Tyler found Brendon. And in the same city too. It was a crazy coincidence, but it worked out for Tyler. He actually found the man's address the very same night and decided to take immediate action, practically shaking with excitement when he drove to the address that apparently belonged to one of the men who had fucked him up worse than anything ever. He went into the hall and got to work on picking the lock. He had become pretty good at that, though he hoped Brendon wouldn't hear him. He knew that the man was home, from the lights that were on. Apparently, Brendon wasn't the one he had to worry about, because tight as he was about to be done, a girl stepped out of the elevator, stopping dead on her tracks when she saw Tyler and the holster that carried his knife around his thigh. Tyler lifted a finger to his lips and slowly shook his head, telling her not to make a sound. She nodded, with wide eyes and hurried to her own door, going in after fumbling with her keys a bit. Smart girl. 

Tyler finished picking the lock and very, very quietly stepped inside. The TV was loud. The fucker was watching TV, maybe having a fucking beer, just living after what he'd done to Tyler. But no more. Because Tyler would make him suffer. He'd make him scream, like he'd done to Tyler. Ruin him, like he'd ruined him. 

Apparently, the girl was quite a bit smarter than Tyler thought and immediately called the police after putting the safety lock on her door and described Tyler to them, saying that she thought he was there to hurt her neighbor. Josh got a call from his boss then, saying that he was closest to the apartment building and that there were no units available in a half an hour, asking if he could take it. Josh immediately agreed and told her not to worry at all. She described him the sane way the neighbor had; tall man in his twenties, with brown hair. Josh just knew. It couldn't be anyone else. So he ran to his car and didn't put on the siren or lights, not wanting to scare Tyler (or whoever it was, but most likely Tyler) away. 

Tyler walked down the short entrance hall into the living room, quickly but quietly. Brendon was sitting on the couch, facing away from him and staring at the TV. Tyler snuck up behind him and before the man could turn to look at him, he gripped his hair and pressed a knife to his throat, speaking lowly into his ear, in the chilliest tone possible: "Remember me, /rapist/? 

Brendon's blood ran cold and his heart nearly stopped. He went rigid and looked down at the knife, gulping. "W-Who are you and how did you get in here?" He questioned shakily. Of course he remembered. But maybe if he was convincing enough he could get himself out of this. Meanwhile, Josh was parking his car at the parking lot of the apartment building his boss had told him to go to. His heart was racing. He wasn't even sure if he could do this. But he had to. Okay, apartment 32. Urie. As in... Brendon Urie? Fuck. Josh thought that to himself as he checked the information text his boss had sent him. It had to be Tyler. And Josh had to stop him. 

"Oh, don't tell me you've forgotten about me. We were so close after all, " Tyler said in a tone that dripped with sarcasm as he went around and sat down on Brendon's lap, keeping the knife in ace for a better angle for when he'd actually stab the fucker. He wanted to play with him a bit first. After all, foreplay was important, wasn't it? "Does 'I don't want this' or 'Please stop' or perhaps choked up sobbing ring any bells for you?" He growled, his upper lip twitching. Then he moved the knife away from Brendon's throat and swiftly stabbed it into his arm and then his stomach, making sure not to hit the vitals just yet. "You love this, don't you, /babyboy/!?" He yelled mockingly. 

Josh heard muffled screams when he came out of the elevator and took out his gun. Brendon was screaming and trying to push Tyler off of him. "Fuck! Stop it! Please, we were just kids! I'm sorry!" Brendon screamed. Josh's heart stopped because that had to be Tyler. He was really there. Josh had to kick the door in and run into the living room, gun raised, eyes wide. When his gaze landed on Tyler, he hesitated. He looked so... Broken. Beautiful, still, but clearly maniacle. "Tyler," Josh said, trying to sound firm. 

Tyler looked up at that, holding Brendon down firmly. His eyes scanned Josh's body for a moment, before he grinned and said: "Hi, Josh." Brendon gasped out: "Josh? Josh, uh, Joshua D-Dun, right? Thank fuck! Shoot him!", only for Tyler to twist the knife he'd plunged into his stomach, making him scream again. Tyler waited for him to quiet down patiently and stared at Josh, asking then: "You gonna pussy out, Josh?" 

"T-Tyler," Josh swallowed and took a step forward, gun still raised. "You know I can't let you. Not now. Not--" He gestured to his uniform with one hand: "Not now. Tyler, stop." The gun was shaking in his hands even when he gripped it with both. He didn't know what to do. "Whose finger was it in the mail?" 

Tyler watched him curiously and pulled the knife out, only to stab Brendon again, making the man wail at Josh to fucking shoot Tyler already. "He deserves it, Josh," Tyler said calmly, over Brendon's screaming: "Look what he did to me and he tried to excuse it by saying he was just a kid, but kids don't do that to other kids, Josh. Kids don't rape other kids and leave them to cry in the dirty bathroom floor."

Josh let out a groan of frustration. He couldn't shoot Tyler. Probably not even if he charged at him next. He'd rather die. So, he really couldn't do anything. "Tyler, step away from him," He said, tears gathering up in his eyes: "I have to call back up. Please go. They'll kill you if they find you here."

"Josh," Tyler said in disbelief as he stood up and pulled the knife out. For a fleeting moment it looked as if he was about to walk away, but then he pulled Brendon's head back and slit his throat, in a terrifyingly casual manner, before walking up to Josh, letting the gun press against his stomach as he leaned into the older man and whispered: "I always knew you were lying to me."

Josh made a choked noise when Brendon, who he'd never particularly liked, but had always known, was killed right in front of him. He then inhaled sharply when Tyler came close to him and quickly put the gun away so that he wouldn't accidentally pull the trigger and hurt Tyler. "Tyler, I'm not lying to you, I wasn't lying to you. We both know he deserved that but I-I just can't--" Josh stuttered out shakily, silent tears falling down his cheeks. 

"You can't?" Tyler hummed: "Joshua. Remember how he hurt me. Remember what a mess I was. And now look at me. They did this to me. Brendon and Pete."

Josh stared at him. "I know that. Tyler--" He cut himself off, looking around as if he was expecting anyone to burst in on them angry moment now. As if on cue, his walkie talkie went off. "Dun. Find anything suspicious?" Josh jumped and didn't take his eyes off of Tyler as he pressed his thumb to the button at the top of the walkie and replied: "Found the body. No sign of who did it. No sign of the murder weapon. Must've gotten away before I got here. Investigating the place now." He then removed his thumb from over the button and made sure that it really was off, before telling Tyler: "Go. Get our of here."

"I'll see you around," Tyler chuckled and without warning, briefly pressed his lips to Josh's, before hurrying to the door. It took all Josh's will power not to grab his wrist and spin him back around and kiss him breathless. But they weren't like that anymore. Josh glanced at the bloody body on the couch. They definitely weren't those kids anymore. 

Still, that fucked up part about him that was still so painfully in love with Tyler wanted to see him again and as soon as possible.

Little did he know that he definitely would.


	10. Warmth

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> [This chapter contains mentions of murder, smut and slight blood kink]

Tyler waited a few days, stayed out of the city, in case the girl who was Brendon's neighbor could describe him to the police well enough. He thanked God that it had been dark in the hall, so the girl hadn't seen his face properly, because three days later he saw that they had a suspect for the case. A tall brunette man that was a bit older than Tyler. Obviously saying he had nothing to do with it. Poor guy. But much rather him than Tyler. 

After that, Tyler finally dared to go to Josh's apartment again, while the man was at work, this time actually picking the lock. He was careful not to be seen that day and slipped inside the apartment without a worry on his mind. He whistled lowly as he closed the door. It was a pretty nice apartment for such a shitty neighborhood. He left his shoes by the door, but hid them underneath a chair there, so that Josh would see them first thing when he came home. He looked around all of the little things in the apartment. Josh looked like he really had his life together, unlike Tyler. But he didn't mind it. This is what he'd wanted for Josh. But he had been a bit more than pleased to notice that Josh didn't seem to have a significant other. 

Josh had been a bit more than paranoid the past few days, constantly thinking he'd seen Tyler when he rounded a corner or paid for his groceries. It made it sort of difficult to focus on the job, but his boss assumed that it was because of the horrific murder scene Josh had witnessed. Josh didn't argue, though it wasn't true. He'd seen murder scenes before and though it was always shocking, of course it was, he could usually push it out of his mind after some sleep. But no, it wasn't that. It wasn't that he'd known Brendon. It wasn't even the fact that Tyler had slit Brendon's throat right in front of him. It was just Tyler. Seeing the other man after so many years was surreal. And maybe, Josh was just a tiny bit nervous. 'Scared, Joshie?' Maybe. 

When Josh finally got home that day, it was a relief. Being unable to focus properly on the job was terrible. He walked into the kitchen first to grab a beer and then into the bedroom, where Tyler had his behind the door to scare him. Josh started to unbutton his shirt, humming to himself, completely unaware of the other person in the room, until the door clicked shut right behind him. "Hey Joshie," Tyler grinned, leaning against the door. 

The older man nearly jumped out of his skin when he heard the voice and whipped around, gun immediately pulled from his belt with one hand, pointing at Tyler. When he saw and registered who it was though, he slowly lowered the gun and swallowed thickly. "Tyler, how'd you--Nevermind," He stammered. 

Tyler smirked and walked up to him, grabbing his wrist and pulling his hand up, do that the gun was pointing at him again. "I have to admit that the cop thing is sorta hot. Got me all hot and bothered, Officer Dun," Tyler said. Josh sighed and pointed the gun away again, shaking his head as he said: "Stop that, I don't want to accidentally shoot you. And uh, thanks. I don't feel too hot right now." He eyed Tyler for a moment, before setting his gun down on the bedside table and putting the safety on, before cracking open his can of beer and taking a drink from it. 

"Wow, Josh. Since when are you so fucking boring?" Tyler scoffed, annoyed by the fact that Josh hadn't pushed him down on the bed already: "Did you even miss me at all?" 

Josh immediately stiffened at that, turning to look back at him and set his beer down. "Are you really asking me that?" He questioned, tone damn near dangerous, eyebrows drawn together as he walked back to face the brunette: "I was a fucking wreck, Tyler. When you left you ripped the happiness from my life. I wanted to off myself for months, fucking years, Tyler. So don't you dare say that I didn't miss you," He sighed deeply: "I loved you. Well, love. I still love you."

"I'd apologize but... Eh. I had to do what I had to do," Tyler replied, blinking up at Josh, a bit taken aback by how angry he sounded: "You love me, Josh?" 

Josh inhaled sharply, absently running his fingers across his now color-filled arm. "I never stopped, Tyler. God knows I tried, but never did. I couldn't understand at the time why you had to leave. I thought I could fix you all by myself. Now, I see why you left," He gestured to Tyler. 

Tyler watched him. His eyes seemed a bit shaper than before, yet so very tired. He grabbed Josh's hand and pulled him closer. "Are you gonna fuck me or call backup?" He asked challengingly, a bitter edge to his tone. Josh blew out a sigh, though he didn't pull away. It was mesmerizing to touch Tyler again. Just his hand. Josh carefully laced their fingers. "I can't just--I," He looked down and sighed again, trying to collect his scattered thoughts before looking back at Tyler: "It's not that easy. I can't just- just have sex with you after all of this. I want to. Trust me, I do. But I can't."

Tyler stepped away from him then and pulled his hand away from Josh's hold, shrugging. "Fine. I can tell that I'm not wanted here. I'll just go. I have to hunt Pete down anyway," He said coldly and turned to leave, but didn't even get to open the bedroom doot before Josh was grabbing his arm and pulling him back. Josh felt tears stinging in his eyes when he gently placed his hand on Tyler's cheek and said, voice wavering: "Don't leave, please. I want you here. Just, stay with me. Please, stay. Just--At least talk to me first."

"Talk? About what?" Tyler scoffed, staring at him. Josh, a bit cautiously leaned in and kissed Tyler's forehead in that calming manner he used to do back when they were so very different. He was relieved to feel Tyler relax a bit though. "Tell me where you went after you left. Where you've been all these years. What you've done and why you're here. Why now? I need to know before I have sex with you."

Tyler sighed and rolled his eyes, but sat down on Josh's bed regardless and began telling him where he'd moved after leaving. "At first everything seemed fine. I really did think I was getting better," He explained, eyes filling with hatred: "For about two years really, nothing major happened, besides me getting paranoid and my taste in gore getting... More bloody. Then /that/ man tried to lay his filthy hands on me like Brendon and Pete did. I killed him and it felt good. So, I killed someone else. And then a few more. I liked it. I like it. Then, I remembered you. Or well, I never forgot, but I couldn't come back because I didn't wanna hurt you. But now I've realized that I can control it. So, I wasn't scared to find you. So, I did. And I just so happened to find Brendon too," Tyler spat out the man's name like it was poison, before finishing: "And now I'm sitting here with you."

Josh listened to him quietly the whole time and once the last word was out, he was kissing him. He didn't care that Tyler had killed people. Probably innocent ones as well. It felt really fucked up that he didn't care, but he just really didn't. He'd signed up for this the day he'd called Tyler a genius in math class, even though he'd always thought it was all jokes. It wasn't, but well he had Tyler back now and that was all that mattered. Crazy how love made a person act. "I missed this so much," He whispered. 

Tyler climbed onto Josh's lap and kissed him back desperately, much like he had on their "last day" before. "Josh-" He mumbled against his lips. Josh tasted like he had before. Mint and coffee. "Tyler," Josh breathed out, pulling him closer by the waist, hand going into his hair and pulling a little. 

"Yes," Tyler gasped and pushed Josh down on the bed, straddling him for a moment, before rolling off of him and onto his back, pulling the highlighter-haired man on top of him, saying: "Take me."

Josh was already pulling Tyler's shirt off, overcome with need. He had tried having sex with other people, but in all honesty, they just always made him think of Tyler and he could never finish properly. He kissed Tyler deeply then, pushing his tongue past the man's lips. He still tasted the same too. Tyler kissed back with equal desperation, not having had sex since he'd been with Josh and only gotten himself off rarely. He tugged on Josh's shirt and practically growled: "Off. Take it fucking /off/, right now."

Josh did so, throwing his shirt aside. "These too," He said, tugging on Tyler's pants. Tyler lifted his hips up and Josh pulled his pants down a bit, but not all the way, starting to kiss all over his chest and neck, realizing how much muscle Tyler had gained over the years. Tyler huffed in annoyance and ground his hips up, tugging on Josh's hair as he whined: "No. I want you to fuck me right now. Don't give me that foreplay shit. I want your cock in me /now/."

"Tyler," Josh laughed softly and kissed his forehead before indeed starting to quickly take both of their clothes off. When they were both naked, he bent Tyler's legs back, getting in between them, where he belonged, almost crying tears of joy at how beautiful the man below him looked. He tried to ignore the fresh and old cuts all over Tyler's body and spotted his initials still there, smiling to himself. 

"Joshua, don't fucking laugh at me and hurry up. I need you," Tyler growled, giving him that killer look he'd done back then. Now it made more sense for him to look like that. Still, much like before, Josh couldn't bring himself to be scared. He just laughed softly again and lubed up his cock with spit, before pushing in. "I'm not laughing at you," He said. He made sure to watch Tyler's expression carefully, for any signs of panic or discomfort. Though it had been years since then, Tyler obviously still wasn't over what had happened in the bathroom, which was understandable. And the last thing Josh wanted to do was make him relive those minutes. However, Tyler's expression was far from scared. His eyes rolled back and he let out a loud moan. Josh grinned at that and leaned down to kiss his neck as he started to move. Tyler gasped and dragged his nails down Josh's back. He was so sensitive.

Josh kept going just like this for a while, leaving dark marks on his neck, before questioning if Tyler still liked knives. "Yesss," Tyler moaned, staring up at Josh with slightly unfocused eyes. "Fuck. Good. Me too," Josh grinned and pulled out then, going to his pants to take out his pocket knife. It was a new one. A new, bigger one. Then he came back to the bed and easily picked Tyler up, pressing him to the wall roughly. He ran the knife down Tyler's neck, not hard enough to break the skin but just to show him that it was there. "Like this?" He hummed. 

"Fuck yes," Tyler groaned, then let out a gasp when Josh slipped back inside of him. He arched his back in the limited space between the wall and Josh's body and asked: "Gonna hurt me, Joshie?" 

"Maybe a little," Josh teased. For a moment, it felt just like the old times. Except they weren't those kids anymore. Josh was a police officer and Tyler was a wanted criminal. Shit. Josh shook that thought away from his head. All that mattered was that they loved each other. And maybe it was crazy, but love never made any sense at all. And Josh was sure that Tyler loved him, in his own, different way. He'd come back to him. Josh began to fuck him into the wall and dug the knife into his thigh, moaning when he saw the blood. 

Tyler's breathing quickened when Josh did this and he clung to the man's shoulders for dear life, moaning: "Yes--Yes, Josh--Oh my fucking God, fuck yes!"

Josh licked some of the blood from the knife and only started to fuck Tyler harder. It was so passionate, so fucking passionate. Josh had missed Tyler so much. It was obvious from how tightly he was holding him. 

Tyler dug his nails into Josh's shoulders and came way too quickly, letting out an embarrassingly breathy moan, but it was /Josh/ and it had been so long. Josh actually followed soon after, dropping the knife to properly hold Tyler up against the wall as he spilled into him. His face was buried in his bruised neck. How was he supposed to let Tyler go now? How was he supposed to just let this man he loved walk out the door with no guarantee of seeing him again? "Don't leave me. Please don't leave me again," He whispered. 

"Josh. I have unfinished business," Tyler breathed out. Josh shook his head and pulled out, taking them both back to the bed and laying down, pulling Tyler with him. He held him even tighter. Oh, do tight. He couldn't let him go now or he had a feeling he'd regret it his entire life. "No," He choked out: "You can't fucking leave me again. Not now, after I just got you back."

"I can't live without blood anymore," Tyler told him, in a quiet voice: "I like it, Josh. Most people I kill haven't done anything to me. I don't kill people because I have to or because there's a purpose to it. It's just fun to me. I like it. It makes me feel happy."

Josh started to cry. He actually started to sob. Like a baby. Like a girl. Like a fucking child. He buried his face into Tyler's neck again and continued to cry. "I don't care. I don't--I don't give a fuck, Tyler. I want you to stay. I can't live without you now that I've got you back. I can't let you go with no guarantee of when I'll see you next, if I will."

Tyler laid there. He had no idea what to do or say. He couldn't even begin to understand what Josh must've been feeling. Josh pulled back then, to look into Tyler's eyes and cupped his face with both hands. "Don't fucking leave me. Don't you do it," He said, trying to sound firm through tears: "Or I'll--I'll fucking kill myself."

Tyler's eyes widened at that. He usually wouldn't care if someone said that, but once again it was Josh. It all always came down to him, didn't it? Josh dying? That thought didn't make Tyler feel good at all, like death usually did. It made his chest ache in a way that it might've ached the say he took that bus to a new city and smashed his phone, but even worse. "Josh-" He breathed out, but cut himself off, unsure if what to say, as if he was terrified that Josh would blow his brains out right there and then if he didn't choose his next words carefully. 

Josh slid off the bed and put his boxers on. "I can't lose you," He said, wiping his tears in frustration: "I don't care if you kill this whole fucking city. I don't care if you slit my throat while I sleep, I just don't want to see you leave. I love you and I'm not going another year, not even a month without you. I /can't/."

"Josh, I don't know--I don't--I don't feel things that way, I--" Tyler mumbled, sounding confused. 

"I know you don't! I know you /can't/! But that doesn't change the way I feel about you. A-And you said you cared about me, then and I--" Josh sighed deeply and came back over to the bed, pulling Tyler in and hugging him tightly: "Just--Just please promise me you won't leave me."

"I-I won't," Tyler whispered, just automatically, but he knew he really meant it: "I promise I won't leave you."

Josh breathed out a sigh of relief at Tyler's response and his sincere tone and pulled back from the hug to kiss all over his face. "I love you so much. I'm sorry I freaked out. I just--I just love you. And I though I'd never see you again."

"It's... It's alright, Josh," Tyler replied, trying to figure all of this out. He had really missed Josh. Really, really missed him. And he did still care about Josh so immensely, which still was the closest thing he could probably feel to love. Josh smiled and pulled back, looking a bit sheepish. He looked down at the cut he'd made on Tyler's thigh and ran him fingers through the blood, sighing as he asked: "You'll stay with me tonight?" 

"Okay," Tyler nodded. He supposed he owed it to Josh. Besides, sleeping next to the older man was a nice thought. Josh turned the lights off, scooting closer to Tyler. "We're you scared?" He asked: "When you left?" 

"Define scared," Tyler said. He had basically forgotten how every normal emotion aside from joy and anger felt like. Josh rubbed his back much like he'd done when they had been teenagers. "I don't know. Frightened. Afraid of the future. Like you didn't know what was gonna happen and it made your heart pound like crazy."

"I can't remember, but I don't think I was scared," Tyler whispered: "I think I was sad."

"Sad?" Josh questioned, kissing his cheek, then forehead. He was going to love Tyler all night long if he had to, to make him feel alright. "Yeah, cuz I had to leave," Tyler explained. 

"I'm sorry. I was sad too," Josh replied quietly, yawning. Tyler looked up at him at that. Josh made his head feel so clear. "It wasn't your fault," He said. 

"I was still sad, Ty," Josh said, hugging his waist and kissing him a bunch again. Tyler leaned into him. "They deserved it," he said suddenly, getting the huge urge to validate his actions to Josh: "I'm not a terrible person. They deserved it. They had to. They all must've done something--" 

Josh furrowed his eyebrows and pulled back to look at him, placing a finger over his lips to quiet him down. "I'm sure they did. I know Brendon did. Pete does," he nodded, stroking his cheek: "Baby, I said I don't care. I know what you need." Josh felt crazy for saying it, but maybe he was. He just really knew he meant it. 

Tyler blinked at him and smiled then. Of course Josh would understand. Josh always understood. Josh smiled back and leaned in to kiss him for a moment. "I don't care what you do, as long as I have you and you don't get yourself into trouble," He said. Yeah, definitely crazy. 

Tyler nodded again. He was careful. He wouldn't let anyone catch him in the act again. Josh yawned then and said: "Okay, I'm exhausted. I have to work tomorrow, so let's sleep." He pulled Tyler closer by the waist again and buried his face into his hair. Tyler snuggled closer too, breathing in Josh's scent. It was strange to be like this again. Definitely very strange, but not bad. Tyler felt safe falling asleep for the first time in years.


	11. Control

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> [This chapter contains smut and blood kink]

Josh slept the best he had in weeks. Months. A year. Five fucking years. He slept /good/. And all because he was pressed up against Tyler and could smell his comforting scent of apple shampoo and coffee. He sat up when his alarm went off and groaned, before turning it off and cuddling right back up to Tyler who whimpered at the loud sound. Tyler snuggled up to Josh's chest, mumbling something unintelligible. He was getting needy again. Sue him. He'd had next to no interaction that didn't involve stabbing another person in about a year.

The older man nodded in agreement to the sound Tyler made and kissed his forehead, holding him close. "I know. I can stay for a few more minutes," He whispered. Tyler hummed and started pressing wet kisses to Josh's neck, making the yellow-haired man close his eyes and bite his lip. "Don't turn me on before work."

"Skip it. You have the most dangerous criminal in the city in your bed right now," Tyler chuckled: "Don't be boring and call in sick. C'mon. You would skip class for me before, Joshie."

Josh groaned and then flipped them over so that he could kiss Tyler's neck, hands roaming his body. "Well, when you put it like that..." He grinned. Tyler let out a laugh and a moan when Josh bit down on his collarbone lightly. Josh then moved up to kiss him on the lips quickly, before grabbing his phone from the bedside table and calling his boss. Once she picked up, Josh faked a cough and said: "Morning. I'm sorry, but I don't think I can come in today, I'm pretty sick."

Josh kissed down Tyler's neck slowly, making the brunette snicker and try not to burst out laughing. He easily flipped them over, pushing Josh down and climbing on top of him while he was still on the phone and started to kiss his jaw, nipping at the skin there with a devilish smirk on his face as he pushed his leg in between Josh's. 

Josh smacked his arm and shot him a playful glare, trying not to moan. God, he'd missed Tyler so much. "Yeah, I think I'll be better tomorr-ohh-Ahem, sorry, I got chills," He stammered into the phone: "I'll just rest today." Tyler pressed his face into Josh's neck and snorted. The older man was beet red when he ended the call with a quick goodbye and couldn't help but laugh. "You seem like you want me to be caught in a lie," He chuckled. 

"Nah, I just like the sounds you make," Tyler smirked and ground his leg up against Josh's crotch, making him arch his back and moan. Tyler grinned widely at the reaction he got and leaned down to kiss him roughly. Josh kissed back eagerly, moaning into his mouth. Tyler bit down on his bottom lip, before pulling away. "You got a little more switchy, huh baby?" Josh breathed out: "Not such a fucking twink bottom anymore."

"Control issues," Tyler chuckled. Josh nodded at that and hummed, reaching up to tug on Tyler's hair lightly. "Yeah? You wanna control me for once? I'll let you."

"Fuck yes," Tyler replied, grinning wolfishly as he pushed Josh into the sheets and kissed him again. Josh laughed against his lips and blinked up at him once he pulled back. "Go ahead. Don't kill me though," He grinned widely. He wasn't afraid of Tyler. He knew he would stop if Josh needed him to. 

"No promises," Tyler chuckled, running his hands across Josh's chest, scratching the skin with his nails just a little bit, enough to leave some marks that would soon fade. "Anything you're not comfortable with? Can I cut you?" Tyler asked, eyes lighting up at the latter sentence. Josh chuckled at his excited tone and said: "Hm... You can cut me a little. I'm up for anything else, baby."

"Safeword?" Tyler asked, grinning at him. Josh laughed and chose 'yellow'. Tyler smirked wider and got back to kissing Josh's neck and collarbones, suddenly biting down on the junction between his neck and shoulder. Josh groaned and arched his back at that, moaning: "Fuck yes, harder-" 

Tyler sucked on that spot for a while, before pulling away to look at Josh for a moment, before getting an idea. He momentarily got off of the older man, to grab his gun from the bedside table and climbed back on top of him, expertly taking the safety off. He'd spent a fair share of his time at gun ranges before snapping, wanting to calm his anger down by imagining the targets as Brendon and Pete's heads. He pressed the gun against Josh's forehead and asked: "Do you trust me?"

Josh inhaled sharply. He should be afraid. And if it was anyone else than Tyler, he would be. And honestly, he probably should be afraid now too, but he really wasn't. He knew Tyler wouldn't pull the trigger and even if he did, Josh would die loving him. He felt insane for thinking that way, but it was the truth. He nodded and ran his hands up Tyler's sides. "With my life," He confirmed. 

"Are you sure that's a good idea?" Tyler hummed lowly, moving the gun from Josh's forehead to hover just above the older man's lips. Josh moaned softly and nodded again, tongue darting out to run over the length of the gun. Tyler groaned at that and pushed the gun past Josh's lips, watching him intently. Josh let him and started to suck on it, staring up at him with fierce eyes. He was harder than he'd been in a while, at the thought that Tyler had complete control over him and even his life. 

"Fuck Josh," Tyler smirked. That was so fucking hot. He let this go on for a while, before pulling the gun out and running it over Josh's lips a few times, smearing the spit around. Josh stared up at him with wide and blown eyes, watching as he put the safety back on and then wrapped a hand around his throat, pressing down roughly. Josh grinned when Tyler began to choke him and gasped out: "Rough sex and homosexual tendencies are traits often shown in serial killers. Did you know that?" 

Tyler laughed at that. "Maybe you have the potential too, then," He grinned and moved up to sit on Josh's stomach when the man bucked his hips up in an attempt to get some friction on his throbbing cock. Josh groaned when Tyler moved and he was left bucking up into thin air. He squeezed Tyler's hips, staring up at him as he replied: "Yeah, maybe I do."

Tylee grinned down at him. He doubted Josh would have it in him to kill someone, especially just for the hell of it, but it was a fun thought to play around with. Killing people with Josh and fucking on the bloody floor. Fuck. Tyler choked Josh a bit harder at that, watching his pupils dilate further. 

"Keep it up. You gonna actually touch me now?" Josh gasped out. Tyler eased up the pressure around the man's throat a bit and hummed lowly, leaning in close. His eyes were dark from arousal and he practically growled: "Depends. Are you gonna beg for it, /whore/?" 

The older man moaned loudly at that and automatically bucked his hips up. Fuck. He probably shouldn't like Tyler saying that as much as he did. "Are you gonna fucking make me?" He questioned. 

Tyler slapped him. Hard. Right across the face. Josh looked a little shocked for a split second but then grinned up at him, a bit smugly, so Tyler did it again, before grabbing the knife that Josh had used on him the night before and pressed it to Josh's chest, right below where his initials still were. "Oh, I will. I will make you beg so much you'll be crying by the time I'm done with you," He smirked. Josh groaned, but his grin didn't falter. He had secretly always wanted to be treated like this, so he urged Tyler on by replying: "Fuck. I don't believe you."

"Watch your fucking mouth," Tyler growled and pressed the knife down, creating a semi-deep cut on the older man's chest. Josh hissed and strained against him. Holy hell. "Okay, alright! I believe you," He breathed out. 

"Well, I don't believe that you quite understand what I'm capable of, Joshie," Tyler smirked and moved down to straddle Josh's hips again, creating some friction, but nowhere near enough and started to carve shapes into Josh's hip. He made sure to push the knife deep enough to hurt, but not too much for Josh to handle. Josh swore loudly, but didn't tell him to stop because in a way it felt amazing. He let his head fall back into the pillows, letting Tyler work. 

And work Tyler did. He carved a rose into Josh's hip and then two more, slightly smaller ones, adding some leaves and thorns, before pulling back to look down at his handiwork and grin. "Pretty," he hummed and leaned down to lick over the cuts. Josh's hand immediately went into Tyler's hair, tugging with a groan of: "Fuck, that feels good. Keep doing it."

Tyler immediately pulled away, not wanting to give Josh the satisfaction before he fucking cried for it. Instead, he started biting on his hipbone lightly, leaving hickeys all around it. Josh made a frustrated sound and almost got angry. The feeling of having Tyler right there after all this time, yet still denying him the pleasure he craved was so fucking aggravating. "I want more cuts," Josh hissed. 

"Beg for it," Tyler told him, before going back to sucking on his hipbone, looking up at him, eyes twinkling with amusement at Josh's frustrated state. Josh was both in love with and extremely annoyed by the expression Tyler was giving him and huffed loudly. "More cuts, /please/," He said sarcastically. 

"Not good enough," Tyler chuckled. He wasn't about to let Josh off that easy. Josh actually whined at that and flipped the younger man off, exclaiming: "You're such an asshole! I said please!" 

Tyler's eyes narrowed at that and he set the knife down, moving up to look right into Josh's eyes and slapped him harshly again. "Joshua Dun," He said lowly, almost dangerously: "/Do not fuck with me/."

Josh felt a twinge of real submission then and his eyes widened, legs falling open. The kid Josh used to fuck into the sheets had just tamed him and rocked his world. 

"Now, babyboy," Tyler said in that dark tone, smirking widely: "Say please real nicely for me."

"Please," Josh whispered shakily, swallowing and still staring up at Tyler in disbelief and awe. Tyler grinned and patted his cheek, asking where Josh wanted him to cut him. "Anywhere," Josh replied, eyes still wide. It was like he couldn't take his eyes off of him. When the fuck did Tyler get so muscular? Like hello, choke me. 

Tyler smirked and picked up the knife, moving down to get in between Josh's legs, starting to cut up his thighs, deep. Josh moaned and spread his legs further. He didn't care if he looked like a regular tumblr twink right now. It felt good and it was hot as fuck. Plus, it was still just Tyler, the person Josh trusted the most in the entire world. He wouldn't judge. 

"Mmh, you're such a whore. Who would've thought?" Tyler chuckled, looking up to see Josh's face redden as the man stammered out: "S-S-Shut, ah--shut up! You do things to me!" 

Tyler chuckled, making a few more deep cuts on the man's thighs. "Joshua," He hummed then. Josh was shaking and pulling at his own hair as Tyler cut him. He was so fucking hard, but he needed to be touched. "Y-Yeah?" He breathed out, desperation clear in his shaky tone. 

"Could it be that you want to get fucked by me?" Tyler asked, smirking up at him. Josh turned an even darker shade of red at that. No. No way. He would let Tyler cut him up and be a power bottom but he most definitely did not want a dick up his ass. Maybe. Okay, maybe he did, just a little bit. But just for experimentation. Nothing else. It would probably be informative, y'know? As a top, to know what makes a bottom feel good. Right. But still... He was a fucking top. He wasn't about to submit like that. "No. Why would you even say that?" He asked, voice wavering from the way Tyler was looking at him. 

"Because you're looking at me like that and your voice is shaking," Tyler smirked, setting the knife down and running his hands over Josh's bloody thighs in a sort of calming manner: "I'm not going to force you, you know I won't, but I can see that you're interested. And I think you'd like it. I could make you feel so good. Hurt just right. Make you cry, yeah?" 

"Okay fine," Josh breathed out automatically. He couldn't help but give in at that offer. And Tyler was right; he was interested: "But just because I'm experimenting. This doesn't mean I'm a bottom."

"You don't have to be so tough, Joshie," Tyler chuckled and moved up to kiss Josh, before saying: "Turn over. Onto your stomach. Hips up for me."

Josh grumbled something under his breath and waited for Tyler to move off of him, before turning around on the bed and barely putting his hips up, face burning with shame. Tyler rolled his eyes at Josh's pathetic display and gripped his hips, pulling them up properly, so that Josh's back curved beautifully and licked over his hole. Oh, this was going to be fun. 

Josh nearly moved out of the slutty position Tyler had put him in, until he felt wetness slide over his hole. Oh fuck. He moaned softly and pushed his face into the pillows, spreading his legs further. Tyler chuckled at how easily Josh took the submissive role and pushed his tongue in slightly, making all sorts of obscene sounds. After a while of this, he pushed a finger in along with his tongue. Josh would've been ashamed of how quickly he had gone slack, moaning loudly and whining for more, if it didn't feel so damn good. 

Tyler moved his tongue away after a while, in favor to push another finger into Josh, searching around for his prostate. He knew he had found it when Josh's head popped up for a moment, before getting pushed back into the pillows as the man arched his back to get Tyler's fingers deeper into himself. Tyler grinned and continued rubbing at his prostate for a moment, before adding a third finger to work him open for his cock. Once he thought that Josh was stretched out enough, he pulled his fingers out. 

Josh actually whined when Tyler pulled his fingers out and looked back at him. "Tyler!" He huffed. 

"I'm gonna give you something better, don't you worry," Tyler smirked, spitting into his palm and jerking his cock a few times to get it nice and wet. Josh groaned at the sight and bent back down, chest heaving as he said: "Then give it to me. I can't wait any longer."

Tyler chuckled at Josh's eagerness and rubbed the head of his cock against his hole a few times, before pushing in roughly, yet slowly enough for Josh to have some time to adjust. Once he had pushed all the way in, he stilled, waiting for a reaction from the man below him. And a reaction he got. Josh moaned loudly and gripped the sheets hard, swearing: "F-Fuck!" 

"Wanna be fucked hard?" Tyler asked, grinning at the reaction he got out of Josh. The older man nodded quickly angry bit down on the pillow. "Yef," He said through the fabric. Tyler laughed softly and gripped his neon hair tightly, starting to move. He was determined to make Josh fucking cry in the best possible way. 

Josh whined when his hair was pulled and arched his back so that Tyler was holding onto it like a horse's reins as he fucked him. "Fu-uh-uh-uuuck!" He whimpered. 

"Experiment, my ass. You love being used like 20 dollar whore," Tyler growled, fucking him harder. Josh grinned to himself, pushing his body back to meet Tyler's cock with every thrust. "I-It feels so fucking good!" He groaned, making Tyler smirk and dig his nails into Josh's hip, while his other hand still had a death grip on the man's hair. 

"Cut me please!" Josh pleaded then, gripping the headboard. There were no hints of sarcasm in his tone whatsoever which made Tyler smirk to himself. Fucking slut. He picked up the knife again and started cutting up the back of Josh's thigh as he fucked into him. 

Josh came at that, body shuddering beneath Tyler's. "Holy--Holy shit!" He groaned. Tyler was close too, so he dug the knife as deep as possible without Josh having to get stitches and started to fuck him as hard as he possibly could. Josh's eyes rolled back when Tyler just kept going and he cried out the man's name over and over again. "Oh fuck! Oh God, T-Tyler, I'm gonna cum again!" He whined. 

"Cum then, whore," Tyler growled, pushing him flat against the mattress with a firm hand on his neck, so that his back arched perfectly and after a few more rough thrusts, came into him. 

Josh had already come a second time once Tyler was finished, slumping down against the bed and feeling more satisfied than he ever had in his entire life.

Tyler caught his breath for a while, before pulling out and setting the knife aside, helping Josh roll over onto his back. Josh looked up at him and grinned dazedly, whispering: "Jesus Christ. I'm in love with you."

Tyler grinned back and jokingly replied: "You just want my body." Then he leaned down to kiss Josh on the lips a few times. Josh ran his hands through Tyler's soft hair and shook his head into the kiss. "I love you for so many things," He said softly, touching the man's lips. He knew Tyler was joking, but he just felt like he had to say it. Just in case Tyler didn't know. 

"I know," Tyler whispered and kissed him again: "I care about you. I don't want you to get hurt. Ever. Well, unless it's the kinda hurt you like," he ran his fingers across the scars on Josh's thigh, making the man shiver, and continued speaking: "The thought of you dead made my heart skip a few more beats than necessary. And not in a good way. I don't want to lose you. I think that's as close to love as someone like me can get."

Josh smiled brightly at that. That was more than enough for him. He started to kiss Tyler softly, obviously desperately in love with him. "I love you, Tyler Joseph. Just the way you are."

"I know," Tyler repeated, smiling: "I'm glad to have you back." Nothing would ever take Josh away from him again, not if he could do something about it. 

Josh kissed him once more, before pulling him down to lay next to him and snuggled up to him, arm around his waist tightly. "I'm so happy you're back. I missed you more than you can ever know. Do you still have Ms B?" 

"No. She died," Tyler whispered, sounding sad now. Josh actually felt heartbroken at that, knowing that she had been one of those few things that Tyler had cared about. "I'm sorry, Tyler. I know how much you cared about her," He said softly. 

"It's okay, Josh. She's probably in a better place now," Tyler replied, snuggling to Josh. He wasn't exactly sure what a "better place" meant to him, but he'd like to believe it was beautiful. Josh started stroking his hair and nodded. "I'm sure she is. With all the crickets she could ever want and plenty of rocks and leaves to crawl on," He said. 

Tyler laughed a bit at that. "Josh," He sighed, smiling: "I love you." He really did. In his own way, he loved Josh so much it almost hurt. 

Josh paused for a moment to look at him, breaking into a warm smile. "I love you too," He replied. He started giving Tyler sweet kisses and showing him things on his phone. After that, they took a nap because they didn't have to go anywhere at all. Today, they both really felt like they could become so happy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this took so long and is still relatively short but I was having writer's block (or maybe my writer just hates the clock, y'know what I mean winkwinknudgenudge haha I hate myself)
> 
> But yeah I'm *dab* depressed and don't have a lot of motivation, but I hope to get a new chapter out soon for you. Love all my readers sm.
> 
> Also, I didn't like bottom Josh before but I really feel like it fits here mkay


	12. Always been yours

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> [This chapter contains smut and a very slight implication of past rape trauma]

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not dead, guys! I have just been having crazy writer's block and I've just generally been a bit of a mess lately. But, I hope you enjoy this chapter after like 666 years of me not updating. 
> 
> I love you all, thanks for the support on this fic and thank you for not rushing me.
> 
> Again, I hope I'll get a new chapter out soon, but I can never know when writer's block and depression decide to fuck me in the ass.

Tyler slept for about three hours before waking up with an armful of Josh, who had his arms around his neck and one leg hooked around his waist like a clingy child. 

"Joshie, I'm hungry," Tyler mumbled into his neck. Josh yawned and frowned, opening his eyes, moving back a bit to look at Tyler. Then a huge, sleepy grin spread onto his face. "Tyler! I thought I'd never see you again! You're so handsome."

"Baby, I've been with you for a few days now," Tyler laughed and kissed his nose. Josh beamed and whispered: "I know, but it feels like a dream still. I'm so scared I'll wake up alone again."

"You won't. I'm not going anywhere," Tyler promised, running his fingers through Josh's soft hair: "I'm never gonna leave you again."

Josh hummed and leaned in to kiss Tyler's neck softly, before rolling onto his back with a grunt and pointing to the general direction of the kitchen, saying that Tyler could eat whatever he wanted. Tyler thanked him and smiled, though that smile soon turned into a smirk as he teased the older man by asking: "Feelin' sore?" 

Josh tested this by trying to move a leg and immediately cried out, glaring at Tyler and mumbling out a slightly embarrassed: "Maybe."

"Bottom boy," Tyler teased and leaned in to firmly kiss Josh's lips a few times. Josh growled at him like a dog and turned his face away, embarrassed. "Just go eat breakfast or something!" He whined. 

"I will, I will. Want anything, baby?" Tyler chuckled, that teasing tone still very apparent. Josh kissed his hand and slapped his ass, as if to say "kiss my ass" but the slap really hurt his sore ass, so he ended up with his his head in the pillows, whimpering. 

"Come on, Joshie, work with me here. You must be hungry. I'll make you something," Tyler grinned, rubbing Josh's back. The man immediately melted at the soft touches and turned to look at Tyler, saying: "You don't have to cook for me. Cereal is fine. And some fucking ibuprofen."

Tyler grinned and helped Josh to lay down on his back and told him to rest while he went to get him some cereal. Josh made a face at him when he was turned onto his back and sat up a bit more. "What a housewife," He commented. 

"More like the husband," Tyler grinned as he walked out of the room and into the kitchen. Josh went very red at that. Husband. Looking down at his hands, he called out after the brunette: "It suits you."

"Thanks, wifey," Tyler called back, a smirk playing on his lips as he poured some cereal and milk for both of them. He heard Josh mumble at him to shut up from the other room and chuckled. He could definitely get used to this. 

When Tyler came back into the room with two bowls of cereal and a painkiller for Josh, the older man snatched one of the bowls and the pill from him, shooting him a half-hearted glare. Tyler chuckled and sat down next to him on the bed, with his own bowl of cereal, saying: "You love me."

"Goddamn right," Josh replied and couldn't help but smile a little, though he was supposed to be mad at Tyler. He swallowed the painkiller quickly and ate a spoonful of his cereal. This felt almost domestic. It was nice. Josh liked it. Then he remembered that Tyler was a serial killer and the thought almost made him laugh. 

Tyler looked over at the yellow haired man and tilted his head slightly at the look on his face, asking what he was chuckling about. "Oh, nothing. Just thinking about you," Josh replied sheepishly and shook his head in a dismissive manner. Tyler shrugged and hummed, continuing to eat his own cereal. Though after a minute of silence, Tyler snorted to himself and said: "Hey, Josh?" 

"Yeah?" Josh hummed, absently waving his spoon through what was left of the milk and cereal in his bowl. Tyler let out another chuckle and then, with the widest grin on his face, said: "I'm a cereal killer."

"Oh my God," Josh snorted, looking up at him and shaking his head, an amused look on his face. Tyler grinned and pushed him lightly, replying: "Shut up! It was a good fucking joke!" 

"Okay, okay! It was! Geez," Josh laughed and leaned in, kissing Tyler's soft, slightly chapped lips for a moment. God, he was in love with this man. After a while, the yellow haired man pulled back and stared at Tyler for a moment before huffing: "I'm so pissed at you. How can you look this fucking good when you woke up like, twenty minutes ago?" 

"Says you! You look absolutely gorgeous," Tyler replied, tilting his head slightly as if he was confused that Josh didn't understand how attractive he was. Josh grumbled at him to shut up and climbed onto his lap, after setting both of their cereal bowls aside, and buried his face into Tyler's neck, smiling as he said: "You look handsome. Stunning."

"You're so pretty, Josh," Tyler told him, wrapping his arms around his waist: "You're the kinda guy I'd kill if I didn't know you. Pretty."

Josh laughed at that and pulled back a bit, to look at Tyler with an amused expression on his face as he questioned: "You'd kill me if you didn't know me?" 

"Yeah. I like killing pretty boys. They usually scream a lot. But I won't do that to you. Because I love you," Tyler grinned and chuckled, though he was only partly kidding. Josh let out another laugh and replied: "Thank God we know each other."

"You're lucky," Tyler grinned and leaned in to kiss Josh again. Josh bit Tyler's lip a bit and pulled away, smiling coyly: "Very lucky."

"Don't turn me on," Tyler said, grinning a little and Josh rolled his eyes, chuckling: "Excuse me? Didn't I tell you that just a few hours ago? And as I recall, you didn't listen."

The yellow haired man pecked Tyler's lips quickly, before getting out of bed and saying: "I at least have to write a report on you. So I'm gonna go do that, before I get fired."

"Remember to write that I'm mysterious and sexy!" Tyler called after him when he left the room. Josh laughed loudly and called back: "And an arrogant asshole!" 

Tyler laughed too. He was glad to notice that Josh had kept his sense of humor all these years. Josh went into the bathroom to clean up and then went to sit at his desk, opening his laptop and starting to type away. 

Tyler laid in bed for a while longer, before getting up and going to Josh's closet to pick out something to wear. He settled for a pair of boxers and a t-shirt, since he wasn't planning on going anywhere for a while. He walked into Josh's office, wrapping his arms around Josh's shoulders and resting his chin on the top of the older man's head. Josh smiled when he felt Tyler's arms close around him and hummed: "Hey baby."

"Hey," Tyler mumbled, burying his face into Josh's soft hair, with a smile on his face and said: "I like the yellow hair."

Josh's smile widened at that. "Yeah? Some people say I look like a highlighter," He chuckled, placing his hands over Tyler's, who grinned and replied: "You kinda do. But you're a pretty highlighter."

Josh turned around in his seat then and pulled Tyler in for a kiss, saying: "You're so affectionate right now," against his lips. Tyler hummed in agreement and once he pulled away, he said: "Sue me. I haven't seen you in years."

Josh smiled at that and turned back to the laptop to submit his report. "Now that that's done...", he sighed, getting up and stretching some. Tyler's gaze traveled to his hips and he smirked at the sight of the flower carvings there. They were almost like tattoos now. Josh followed his gaze and chuckled at the carvings. "How am I supposed to explain a fucking rose? The cat did it?" He grinned. 

"Say it's one of those scar tattoo things," Tyler shrugged, then added: "But it's not like a lot if people are going to be looking at your hips anyway."

"How do you know people won't be looking at them?" Josh questioned, with a devilish grin on his face. Tyler narrowed his eyes and pushed Josh against the table, glaring at him: "Because I said so."

Josh just continued to smirk up at him and asked: "Why?" Tyler straight up growled at that and leaned even closer, so that he was right in Josh's face. "You're just trying to make me angry right now. And it's working. Nobody will be looking at your hips because they're mine to look at," Tyler said, voice low and calm: "You're mine, Joshua Dun."

Josh almost moaned at that, nuzzling against Tyler's chest. "I know. I just wanted to hear you say it," He said calmingly. Tyler tilted Josh's head upwards with a hand on his chin and kissed him posessively. Josh hummed at that and kissed right back, hands on Tyler's chest. 

"Mine," Tyler mumbled into the kiss and Josh agreed with a hum and: "Yours. And you're mine."

"Yes. I've always been yours," Tyler confirmed, nibbling on Josh's bottom lip. Josh smiled and pushed his hands underneath Tyler's shirt, saying: "Y'know how you told me once that you don't watch many movies?" 

"Mmh," Tyler nodded, pulling away to raise a questioning eyebrow at Josh, who beamed at him and said: "Because we should start. Like, right now," He pointed at the TV: "As in, you sit down with me on the couch and watch Deadpool."

"Really? Do I have to?" Tyler whined, making a face at Josh who pouted and pleaded: "Pleaaaaase? It has blood and guts in it. And sex. Plus, it's funny."

"Fine, whatever. But only because of the blood and guts. And maybe the sex," Tyler sighed in defeat and Josh cheered, lightly pushing Tyler off of him and heading to the kitchen, asking if he wanted popcorn. Tyler followed and replied: "Yeah, sure. I can't remember the last time I ate."

Josh furrowed his eyebrows in concern and brought popcorn, soda and a bunch of other snacks to the couch, before going to start the movie and kissed Tyler's cheek, telling him to eat. Tyler chuckled: "I'm fine, Josh. I probably ate like yesterday. I, uh, I get memory loss from insignificant things. I don't remember that stuff."

Josh glanced at him and nodded, laying his head on his shoulder and said: "I just want you to take care if yourself."

"I'm fine. I've survived this far," Tyler said with a smile and ate some popcorn. Josh started the movie and they fell silent to watch it. Josh grinned when the "through the years" sex scene came on and had to stifle his laughter on Tyler's shoulder. Even the brunette had to admit that the movie was good and actually quite hilarious at times as well. Some of the more emotional parts made him roll his eyes though. 

When the movie was over, Josh was grinning at Tyler and questioning: "Did you like it? It was fucking great!" 

"Okay, okay, I'll admit it. It was pretty good," Tyler chuckled in reply. Josh nodded and popped some candy into his mouth, saying: "Wanna watch another one? We can watch a Saw movie. Those are really gross."

Tyler's eyes seemed to light up a bit and he nodded eagerly in reply. Josh let out a soft laugh and kissed him for a minute, before going to pop the other film in and coming back to sit on the couch. Tyler leaned against him, eyes fixed on the screen. 

The movie started with two men chained to the wall in a warehouse. Jigsaw's voice came on to explain them what was happening and what they had to do. Through the movie, there were lots of disgusting scenes and crazy traps and one man even sawing off his foot to get out of his chains. 

"I liked the gorey elements," Tyler commented once the movie was over: "And Jigsaw is creative as hell, smart even. But this could get pretty messy, pretty damn quickly."

"Messy how? Like, with the cops?" Josh asked, taking Tyler's hand. "Yeah," Tyler nodded and began explaining: "He takes too long and the things he does are too showy. If the cops were to figure out his location at the right time, he'd have a hard time getting himself out of it."

"But he's got all those traps, you know?" Josh said, looking at the screen as the credits rolled: "And maybe he wants the police to find him."

"Maybe so," Tyler nodded. Josh grinned and asked him if he'd liked the movie, informing him that there were five more. "I think they're cool," Tyler said, asking then: "Can we watch more? Maybe I'll get some ideas." 

Josh laughed and went to put in the second one. "A lot of people have tried to copy these movies. It never works," He said.

"Yeah? Well, I'm smart," Tyler chuckled, then shook his head: "No, but I actually wouldn't do this. I prefer to be up close and personal," his eyes darkened: "Especially when I find Pete." That time he would make sure that nobody spotted him breaking in, so that he could take his sweet time with making the fucking rapist scream. 

Josh turned Tyler's head gently, so that they were making eye contact and asked if he was going to stop after Pete. Or if he ever would. "I don't think I can," Tyler said quietly, staring at Josh. 

"Then you won't. I'll stay with you, no matter what," Josh replied. He knew he sounded crazy, but what wouldn't one do for love? Tyler smiled. Josh was so good to him. 

Josh quieted down then and eventually fell asleep with his head on Tyler's lap, during the fourth movie. Tyler finished the fourth movie and then stopped, deciding he'd watch the last one sometime later. He looked down at Josh's sleeping face. He looked so peaceful like that. Tyler started stroking his hair gently, smiling to himself. 

Josh mumbled in his sleep when he was given pets and slowly blinked his eyes open, rolling onto his back and staring up at Tyler as he questioned: "Am I dreaming or are you really here?" 

"I'm here," Tyler assured him, grinning. "Okay good," Josh hummed, sitting up, hair wild: "Did you finish the movies?" 

"I finished the fourth one. I think I'm done with movies for a while," Tyler smiled, looking at Josh for a while and, then suddenly kissed him deeply. Josh made a surprised noise into the kiss, as it had come out of nowhere, but soon he was kissing back, hands on either side of Tyler's face. He started laughing halfway through and had to pull away for air, as Tyler had taken his breath away. "What are you doing?" He asked with an affectionate laugh. 

"You're so fucking--Christ, you're so attractive," Tyler said, looking at Josh like he was seeing him for the first time. Josh actually blushed at that. "What's gotten into you?" He asked, laughing softly and showing his shoulder in a playful manner: "You're attractive."

"Your hair is messy and I don't know why, but it's doing things to me," Tyler chuckled and kissed him again. Josh grabbed one of Tyler's hands and directed it to his bright hair, mumbling: "Keep messing it up then."

And that Tyler did. He pulled on Josh's hair and bit down on his lip, before pulling away and asking: "How mad do you hunk your boss would be if you showed up to work with your neck full of hickeys?" 

"How mad do you think she'd be if I told her they were from you?" Josh chuckled, letting Tyler lay him down on the couch. "You might get fired," Tyler laughed and began kissing and licking all over Josh's neck. Josh laughed too and placed his hands on Tyler's shoulders saying: "Don't actually leave hickeys though."

"Awww, why not?" Tyler hummed, biting the sensitive skin lightly. There were some faint teeth marks there from earlier, but no bruising. 

"Because!" Josh laughed, pushing at him a bit. It was clear he didn't really want to say no: "I don't actually wanna lose lose my job, baby."

Tyler grumbled and licked across Josh's neck a few more times, before moving down to suck below his collarbones. Josh let out a breathy moan and smiled. "That's better," He hummed: "Feels good too."

"You're totally turning into a bottom," Tyler smirked. Josh smacked his arm at that. "Shut up! I'm not!" He glared at the younger man: "I'm just in that mood right now!" 

"You're so defensive," Tyler chuckled, nipping at his collarbone. "But when I lower my voice a little," He spoke lower and quieter to prove his point, moving up to speak into his ear: "And get up close like this," his voice was barely above a whisper now and he pushed his knee in between Josh's legs, rubbing against his hard-on slowly: "You're my bitch."

Josh couldn't help but moan at that. "Ugh-" He whined and arched even further against him: "Fuck you."

"Watch your language," Tyler said lowly: "Fucking apologize."

Josh moaned again and nodded. "I'm sorry. I just hate being so submissive. I can't help it," He sighed. Tyler pulled away then, staring down at Josh with a worried look in his eyes. "Oh, you don't like it? I-I'm sorry, I--I thought you did. I'm sorry-" 

Josh shook his head quickly and took Tyler's hand. "That's not what I meant, baby," He said, furrowing his eyebrows: "I just meant that I'm not used to this and I jokingly hate it. Trust me, I love this," He gestured between them: "I /love/ this."

Tyler nodded slowly and leaned in to kiss Josh a few times. "Are you sure? Because you can take control if you want to, I dont mind," He said. 

"No, I want you to, for a while. It's nice," Josh said, grinning widely at him. Tyler grinned back: "Good. Because I love this. What do you want?" 

"You. Inside me," Josh breathed out. Tyler chuckled and told him that he didn't have to him ask twice, before taking Josh's boxers off, then his own, smirking at how hard the man below him was already. Josh giggled a bit and looked down at him, wiggling his hips so that his cock bobbed in the air. 

"God. You're adorable," Tyler said, spitting onto his fingers and pushing two into Josh, who was still a bit loose from earlier. The older man let out a gasp and a moan, legs falling open further. "Thank you," He hummed. 

"Do you think you could handle my cock? You're pretty tight," Tyler asked him and Josh nodded eagerly "I can!" He whined, pressing down on Tyler's fingers: "Even if I'm not, I don't care. Stretch me out."

"It's gonna hurt if I fuck you right now," Tyler informed him, not quite sure whether it was a warning or a promise to Josh. 

"I don't careeee!" Josh whimpered, spreading his legs even more: "Fuck me, Tyler."

Tyler chuckled and shook his head. His Josh was turning into a regular little whore. He loved it. He pulled Josh closer, pulling his fingers out and squeezed his ass, before guiding his cock to his entrance and pushed in. Josh gasped out and gripped Tyler's shoulders, digging his nails in. It did hurt like hell, but the man loved every second of it. "Fucking hell," He groaned 

"Good?" Tyler grinned, staying still to let Josh adjust a bit. "So good," Josh nodded and pulled the man above him in for a kiss. He wanted every bit of Tyler. The brunette kissed back slowly and gently, staring to roll his hips. 

"I love you," Josh whined and looked up at Tyler lovingly, once he had pulled away. "I love you too," Tyler told him, starting to move his hips a bit faster. 

Josh raised his legs up at that, letting Tyler bend them back and pound into him as hard as he wanted. "Fucking /faster/!" He yelled out. 

"Ask fucking nicely," Tyler growled. Josh let out a sound of frustration. He kept forgetting he had to ask like that. "Please," He gasped: "Please, go faster."

"That's it," Tyler grinned, immediately starting to fuck into him roughly: "That's my baby. My good boy."

Josh was smiling, already all fucked out and sweaty, messy hair sticking to his forehead. "Oh my God, yes! D-Deeper please! Almost to my spot!" He pleaded. Tyler lifted Josh's hips up slightly, the new angle allowing him to go deeper. Josh's eyes rolled back then and he was grinning wildly: "Fuck yesss!" 

Tyler chuckled and kept fucking Josh roughly, reaching out to tug on his hair. Josh was cumming in minutes, hands up in Tyler's hair. "Fuck," He groaned and pulled Tyler down for a messy kiss. Tyler kissed him back and kept rutting into him, little groans and grunts leaving his mouth. 

"I need your cum," Josh mumbled into the kiss, before plunging his tongue into Tyler's mouth and gripping his hair even tighter. Tyler groaned something that could've been a swear and came inside of the man below him, kissing back fiercely. He pulled away after a while and buried his face into Josh's neck, catching his breath. Josh beamed at the feeling of being filled up with Tyler's hot cum and moaned out: "I love you. I'm in love with you--" 

"Mmh," Tyler hummed in agreement, kissing Josh's neck lazily and pulled out with a shiver, grinning when he felt cum leak out of Josh's hole. 

"Marry me," Josh breathed out, not even knowing what he was saying. Tyler laughed and asked what he was talking about. "Huh? Marry me," Josh repeated and wrapped his legs around Tyler's waist, pulling him closer. Tyler untangled Josh's legs from around him quickly though and pulled back to look at him as he said: "Yeah, you're really fucked out."

"No, 'm not! Wanna marry you," Josh mumbled, barely conscious. "Sleep and ask me later," Tyler told him, his breath hitching a little. Thankfully, Josh nodded and pulled Tyler closer again, falling right back asleep. Tyler tried to calm himself down. Josh was just hazy and fucked out. It was fine. He laid there for a while, before carefully getting up and scooping Josh up into his arms. Josh wasn't exactly a scrawny little guy, but then again, neither was Tyler anymore. He quite easily carried Josh into the bedroom and laid him down on the bed, climbing in with him. It didn't take long for him to doze off as well. He always felt to safe falling asleep right next to Josh. Like nothing in the World could ever hurt him. Not even himself. That was a good feeling. Maybe one day, Tyler would marry Josh. He fell asleep to that thought and though it scared him to no end, it was also probably the nicest thought he'd had in years.


	13. Too far, too deep

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter contains references to murder, detailed plans of murder, rape related trauma, panic attacks, extreme blood kink and semi-graphic descriptions of gore (stabbing)

The next morning Josh's alarm went off for work and he groaned, pushing at Tyler, who was all over him and mumbled: "I gotta go to work."

"Mmmh, jus' a minute," Tyler mumbled, wrapping himself around Josh even tighter. Josh sighed and pressed a few soft kisses to Tyler's throat, whispering: "M'gonna be late."

"Not if you stay a minute," Tyler whined and it was clear he wasn't letting Josh go, until a damn minute had passed: "Just one."

Josh laughed and kissed his cheek. "Fine. One minute. I love you," He said. Tyler nodded against him and mumbled: "I love you too."

"You make me happy," Josh told him in the soft, affectionate tone that if it was used by anyone else, it would make Tyler gag. But because it was Josh, it made his chest feel warm. He often wondered how insane these feelings felt to people who could feel them properly. Did they feel like they were about to die? They must've, because the feeling Tyler got when Josh used that tone on him, nearly resembled a panic attack, but in a good way. It didn't really make sense, but then again Tyler had never been good at making sense. He replied, quiet, gentle, his secret tone that was only used for Josh: "You make me clear headed."

Josh cupped his cheeks and kissed him softly, so, so softly, like Tyler would break if he was too rough and honestly, Tyler kind of loved that a little bit. "I have to get ready for work now, Ty or I'm actually gonna be late," The older man said then. 

Tyler whined in protest, but let him go anyway and sat up to watch him go to the closet and pull his uniform out. "Can I use your computer today?" Tyler asked him then. Josh glanced over at him, pulling on some clean underwear ashe replied: "Mmh. Just don't leave the screen open on some weird bloody porn site."

"I'm not gonna look at weird bloody porn!" Tyler laughed, then smirked: "Though now that you mentioned it..." 

"Shut up!" Josh snorted, pulling his pants up and the uniform coat in quickly, beckoning Tyler over to kiss him, as he strapped his gun to his belt. Tyler got up from the bed and walked over, kissing him quickly but deeply, saying: "If I kiss you for any longer than that I'm gonna end up fucking you because you look so damn gorgeous in that uniform, so go on and save people from the likes of me, Officer Dun."

Josh chuckled and shook his head at Tyler's words, kissing his cheek just to tease him, before heading out the door. Tyler watched him leave and sighed deeply, a tiny smile on his lips as he made his way to Josh's study to use his laptop. He had broken his own computer a while back and hadn't bothered to get a new one, so he could only use a computer at the library, often feeling too paranoid to do much research there, in fear of it being traced back to him, no matter how often he deleted his search history. But, now he didn't have to worry, so he went ahead and began googling. Pete. Pete Wentz. Where is that fucker? 

Josh went to work as usual. His day was normal. Patrolling in the morning, then lunch, then doing all of the paperwork in the afternoon. He finally came home at about 5 PM that evening, sounding exhausted as he opened the door and called out: "Baby?" 

Tyler grinned when he heard Josh's voice and jumped up from the couch, having just finished the last Saw movie and practically ran to the door to kiss Josh deeply, grinning. Josh's tiredness ebbed away for a while as he kissed Tyler back, arms loosely wrapped around his waist. "Today was a long day," he sighed after pulling away from the kiss: "I missed you." He kissed Tyler once more, before going into the bedroom to change into something more comfortable. "How was your day?" He asked Tyler as he threw off his uniform and put on a loose fitting tank top, not bothering with shorts or sweats, since it was just him and Tyler. 

"I found Pete. I know his address and all," Tyler told him with a grin on his face. Josh smiled a little at that. He knew that Pete deserved everything that was coming to him. "How are you gonna kill him?" He questioned, then added, in refrence to the popular murder mystery game of Clue: "With the crowbar in the library?" 

"No?" Tyler mumbled, giving him a confused look: "Uh, I just thought I'd--Where'd you even get that idea from?" 

Josh turned to look at him, after pulling on a top and shorts and chuckled: "Sorry, babe, it's from a board game called Clue. I have it actually. Hold on, I'll look for it. Keep telling me how you're gonna kill him."

"You sure you wanna know? It gets graphic," Tyler warned him. Josh nodded and went to the closet to get the game, saying: "Yes, Tyler. I do want to know. I hate him just as much as you do for doing what he did to you."

"Well, first of all, I'm gonna be really careful this time, so that nobody spots me breaking in, so that I can take my sweet time with him," Tyler started, that dark look in his eyes again: "I'd shove a knife up his ass and fuck him with it, but I'm not as cruel as he is, so I'll just snap each of his fingers one by one and then cut them off and I'll tell him that that's not even half of the pain he put me through. Then, I'll stab him in the stomach a few times and I'll tell him just how much he deserves it. And oh, I'm gonna put words in his mouth. I'll tell him he fucking loves it and I'll make sure he fucking believes it too. Then I'm gonna completely rip open his stomach and watch his guts spill out for a while, before I cut off his dick and shove it down his throat. He'll cry and beg and plead through the whole thing, but I'll keep going because I don't give a fuck about what he might be feeling. I'll keep going until he's fucking /ruined/." Tyler was trembling at this point, some tears in his unfocused eyes, obviously remembering the assault. 

Josh put the board game down at this point, quickly walking across the room, to the shaking man he loved. "Tyler calm down," he said, taking his hands: "Don't--Don't upset yourself."

Tyler began to hyperventilate. It had been years, Brendon was dead already and he still wasn't over it. "They used me--" He choked out helplessly: "And it hurt. And I cried. And I begged. And I cried some more and they just kept going and I felt so filthy. They kept telling me that I was a whore and that I liked it and I-I started to believe them--God, Josh, fuck maybe I liked it--" 

Josh pulled him into a tight embrace then, kissing the side of his head. "Shhhh... Tyler, shhh," He cooed, quickly wiping away his own tears. The pain in Tyler's voice made him sick to his stomach. "You wouldn't be crying in my arms right now if you had liked it," He reassured the brunette: "You're not a whore. You're so much more than what they did to you, you hear me? Look at me," He pulled away from the embrace and gently grabbed Tyler's face with both hands and looked him dead in the eyes. "You are /special/. And so, so very beautiful. And you're going to give that fucking rapist what he deserves," The yellow haired man finished. 

Tyler grabbed Josh's wrists and nodded slowly. He was still shaking, but beginning to calm down. Josh stroked his cheeks and watched him with sad eyes. 

"Baby? Are you okay? Are you with me?" Josh questioned him, voice gentle. Tyler opened his mouth to answer, but no words came out. He felt lightheaded and his mouth was dry. He nodded, though he wasn't quite sure whether he was okay or not. He could still feel their hands all over him after all these years. Josh took his hand and pressed his lips to the soft skin, wiping more tears as he repeated: "You're more than what they did to you."

Tyler nodded again and gripped the front of Josh's shirt, clinging to him like a child. "Are you--Are you sure you liked everything I did to you?" He asked suddenly, in a panicked sort of way: "Oh God, I called you all of those names--" 

Josh gasped and wrapped his arms around Tyler lovingly and held him there. "Baby, don't go there. Of course I liked it. I would've stopped you if I didn't. I know you would never hurt me if I didn't like it and I know I could always stop you if I didn't like something you were doing or saying. I've never had to be scared with you. I know you don't actually mean any of those things. But you don't have to say them anymore if you don't want to," Josh reassured him. 

"No, I--" Tyler stammered, taking a deep breath in, then out: "I like saying them. And that's what scares me. Because it turns me on and I-- They made me feel so worthless. Brendon and Pete. They made me feel like the lowest of the low and I never want you to feel like that." Tyler sounded so helpless and looked like it too when he pulled away from the embrace a bit and stared up at Josh, wide eyed and said: "No. Never. You're too good for that, Josh. You're too beautiful, too wonderful-" 

Josh drew his brows together and shook his head. "You never make me feel like that, Tyler. I promise you. It turns me on too, it's not just you. You're not like them," He replied and leaned in to kiss Tyler softly, before repeating: "Look at me. You are not like them, Tyler."

"I'm sorry, Josh. I love you," Tyler whispered and Josh shook his head again, telling him that he had nothing to apologize for and that it was okay to feel upset. Tyler merely apologized again and kissed Josh. Josh cradled him close and took him to the bedroom, sitting him on the bed and softly kissing him back. "Hey," He hummed once he'd pulled away from the kiss and began running his hand through Tyler's soft, brown hair: "You're beautiful. And strong. You're so strong, Tyler."

Tyler calmed down further at Josh's gentle touches and kind words and finally said: "Let's play that weird game of yours, yeah?" 

"You sure?" Josh asked, kissing his forehead. Tyler nodded and smiled weakly: "Yeah, I'm sure. I want to do something to take my mind off this."

Josh nodded and brought the game over to the bed, setting the box down and taking it out. He set it up for them and explained the rules to Tyler. The brunette got the hang of it quickly and actually had fun playing. When they had played one round, which Tyler won, Josh grinned at him and exclaimed: "You're actually really good at this!" 

"I'd make a pretty great detective if I wasn't insane," Tyler grinned back. Josh laughed softly and started another round. "I bet you would, actually. You could probably still be a serial killer and nobody would suspect a thing!" He said. 

"Sherlock Holmes with a twist," Tyler chuckled: "You could be my Watson."

"That's true. And they were totally gay for each other so that works," Josh snorted and Tyler laughed too. They continued the game for a while, until Tyler had won one more round and Josh had one win as well, until the police officer hummed: "Hey Tyler?" He looked up at him: "Do you wanna cut me?" 

"Huh?" Tyler mumbled, tilting his head, slightly taken aback by the sudden question. Josh pointed to the knife on the dresser and asked again: "Do you wanna cut me right now?" 

"Do you want me to cut you?" Tyler retorted and Josh nodded, scooting closer and saying that he believed it would help Tyler. The younger man shook his head though and replied: "I'm not sure if it's such a good idea. I don't accidentally wanna hurt you too much. I'm still a bit on edge."

Josh reached forward and cupped his cheek, catching his gaze. "Hey, I trust you, Tyler," he said softly. Tyler looked at him in the eyes for a moment before quietly asking: "What if I don't trust myself?" 

Josh only leaned in and kissed him slowly. "I trust you enough for the both of us," he whispered against Tyler's lips. He then got up and grabbed the knife, bringing it over to Tyler and placing it in his hand. Tyler stared at it for a moment, then at Josh, before pushing the board game to the side and off the bed, pushing Josh down. Josh looked up at him in awe. He didn't want this to be sexual. He just wanted Tyler to be able to release the dark things within him, with him. Maybe he wouldn't always have to go out and hurt innocent people who didn't want to be hurt, if he could see blood right here at home. 

Tyler climbed on top of his hips and pushed his shirt up, staring into his eyes as he pressed the knife into his hip. Josh closed his eyes and hummed, nodding and looking back up at Tyler again then: "That's okay. You can go deeper. I'll tell you when it gets too much." 

Tyler took a deep breath and pressed the knife deeper. Josh gasped sharply at this, hand flying to grip Tyler's forearm. "No deeper than that. Not yet," He said, closing his eyes again as blood started to run down his hip bone. It felt euphoric in a way.

Tyler nodded and moved the blade a bit lower, digging it in again with a shaky exhale. Josh moaned softly and spread his legs in case Tyler wanted to cut his thighs. "Tyler," He breathed, reaching out to touch his face: "You're not going to hurt me any more than I want. Don't freak yourself out. Just have fun. Release."

Tyler nodded again. Fuck. Oh Christ. The sight of Josh's blood like this was intoxicating. He started cutting into his hip a bit more enthusiastically, moving down to his thighs after a moment. Josh smiled rather proudly when Tyler began looking like he was enjoying himself. He bit his lip as his thighs were cut and nodded to himself. "Yes. That's it. Right there feels good."

Tyler dug the knife in deeper at Josh's words, breathing heavily when blood gushed out. Josh simply moved his boxers out of the way and asked if Tyler was okay. 

"Fuck, more than okay," Tyler told him, moving to cut his other thigh as well. Josh smiled and ran his fingers through his hair in a comforting manner. Occasionally he'd hiss or moan but he was okay. Tyler kept going until Josh's inner thighs were all bloody and then moved back up to cut above his hip dazedly. Josh was trembling in pleasure at this point, guiding Tyler even farther forward. "Here," He mumbled, pointing to his stomach. Tyler growled low in his throat at that and cut where Josh pointed at. 

Josh moaned loudly at that and stared up at him, still trembling beneath the blade. "Feels so good, Ty. If it wouldn't kill me, I'd let you cut open my stomach and play with my insides," He said. 

"Fuck, Josh. Don't say things like that," Tyler breathed out. His eyes were dark and unfocused and he was panting hard. Josh stroked his hair and let his own head fall back into the pillows as he asked: "Why not? It's true."

"Because you forget that I'm a fucking serial killer and that's an incredibly tempting thought for someone like me. Of course, I won't actually do it, since it would kill you, but the thought of you with your stomach cut open is so hot. You'd look so pretty like that, Josh. All fucked up for me," Tyler told him. Josh gasped at that and pulled on Tyler's hair. "Kiss me. Please kiss me," he whined. 

Tyler didn't need to be asked twice to crash his lips against Josh's and shove his tongue past them. He kissed Josh deeply for a moment, before biting his lip hard enough to draw blood. He sucked Josh's tongue into his mouth and the yellow haired man submitted eagerly, directing his lover's free hand to the meaty part of his thigh. "Stab me," He whispered once Tyler had pulled away. 

Tyler's eyes widened. "Josh, don't tempt me like that," He said: "That's too dangerous. You might have to go the hospital, I could hit a nerve--" 

Josh choked out a moan and pulled on Tyler's shirt. He trusted Tyler. He knew what his lover needed. "Tyler. /Fucking stab me/," he demanded. 

Tyler growled and did just that, plunging the knife into Josh's thigh. Josh half moaned, half cried out when the blade was plunged in. "I love you," He gasped out: "I love you so much. Let me taste it."

Tyler pulled the knife out, moaning at the warm spurt of blood that followed. He brought the knife up to Josh's lips to leg him taste his own blood. Josh licked the knife, desperately gasping for air. The adrenaline in his system made it much easier to deal with the pain, so it didn't hurt nearly as much as it should've. He reached down to feel the warm blood, whining. "Kiss me now," He pleaded, pushing his bloody hand into his boxers then, stroking himself with his own crimson blood as lube. It was clear that Tyler's excitements had rubbed off on him too. 

Tyler swatted Josh's hand away, starting to stroke him instead, leaning down to kiss him hungrily. Josh pushed his blood coated tongue into his lover's mouth and arched his lenght into his hand. "More. I need more," He moaned in between open-mouthed kisses. 

"What do you need?" Tyler asked, breathing heavily when he pulled away from Josh's lips. "I don't-- I don't know, okay?! Just more, Tyler please!" Josh whined, spreading his legs further. 'Cut my dick off,' he wanted to scream, but stopped himself. Wait, no. That wasn't hot. That was weird and probably very, very bad. Josh wasn't sure. His brain wasn't exactly able to form coherent thoughts at the time. 

"Want me to cut you more? Or stab you again?" Tyler questioned breathily. "Both. No. Stab me," Josh panted, pulling on Tyler's hair desperately: "Harder. Fucking harder!" 

Tyler complied and stabbed him again, harder, a bit below the other spot. This time though, the blade seemed to set off a warning bell in Josh's brain. He widened his eyes, as if he was just realizing what he was doing. "Tyler, stop. Tyler, fucking stop!" He pushed him off and crawled up the bed, staring at the blood in horror. 

Tyler stared at him with wide eyes, mouth open. "Josh-" he breathed out, looking around. Oh God, there was blood everywhere. Josh's eyes shifted between focused and unfocused. "Oh my God," Josh gasped out and got off the bed but his legs gave out and more blood poured out. He collapsed on the floor and began to hyperventilate. "Oh my God, what did we do--?" 

"J-Josh, ca-calm down," Tyler stuttered, hurrying to his side: "B-Bre-Breathe. You--You'll be o-okay. Y-You'll be okay."

Josh pushed him away and squeezed his eyes shut. He was seeing double and going into shock. "Stop! Just stop! I need space. Get me bandages," He grit out. Tyler did as he was told, bloody hands trembling as he went into the bathroom to grab the bandages. He came back to Josh and decided not to pull the knife out of the second stab wound, as it was keeping the blood in. The other one looked bad, but nowhere near the worst Tyler had seen or done himself. Thankfully the knife wasn't that huge. He started wrapping Josh's leg in bandages, going around the knife. He would need stitches though, it was obvious. 

"Tyler, I need to go to to the hospital," Josh said weakly, looking up at him. He wasn't exactly angry with Tyler. He was just shocked. At his lover and himself. 

"Yeah, I k-know. I--I'll just--I'll--" Tyler stammered on panic and finished wrapping his leg tightly in in the bandage: "Just so you d-don't bleed to-too much until--I'll call an ambulance. I-I-I'll do that. I just--" He stood quickly, going to get Josh's phone, shaking all over. Oh fuck. Oh fucking fuck. He could've killed Josh. His Josh. 

Josh called out for Tyler, whimpering and whining. It was his fault, not Tyler's. He'd pushed him too far, disregarding the fact that his lover had warned him not to. Tyler came back into the room then, whole body still trembling. "I'm calling the a-ambulance. I'll--I'll g-go then. I'm s-so-so sorry." He managed to type in 911 and pressed the call button. 

"No, I don't want you to leave!" Josh pleaded, grabbing Tyler's leg and looking down at the bandages around his own: "Don't leave me, please!" 

Tyler looked down at him, panic and tears in his normally sharp, cold eyes. The call was picked up then. He was asked what the emergency was. He told them Josh's address and that they needed an ambulance there quickly. "I stabbed him twice in the thigh," he choked out: "Please, h-hurry--" Once the operator told him that the ambulance was on it's way, Tyler hung up and placed the phone down on the bed and pulled his leg free from Josh's grip. "T-They'll be here soon, okay. I-I-I didn't tell them my name but you can i-if you want to," He said shakily and quickly picked up Josh's phone again, writing down his address in his notes, adding: "My address... It's here. Y-You can tell them to come and get me. I'll confess to everything."

Josh shook his head quickly and began to sob. "Tyler no! I don't want them to take you away from me!" He begged, trying to panickedly reach for Tyler's hand: "Tyler please, I love you so much, you can't leave me!" 

"You don't have to tell them," Tyler told him: "But I have to go. I could've--Fuck Josh, I could've killed you." He moved towards the door, but didn't leave before taking the knife with him so that Josh wouldn't get any stupid ideas. He had after all said that he'd kill himself if Tyler left again. "I'll come--I'll come b-back."

Josh started sobbing harder. "I love you. Please don't leave!" He begged, but it was already too late. Tyler was out the door and Josh heard the front door slam as well. He felt terrified. This was all his fault. What if Tyler wouldn't come back after all? 

The EMTs arrived soon after. Josh passed out when he was carried to the ambulance. Tyler was the only thought that made sense in his brain, even then.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I AM SO SORRY. I'm literally the worst author to ever exist. I've had so little motivation to write for the longest time and I could never bring myself to finish this. I'm sorry. I hope this makes up for it. I'm on summer vacation now and I hope to get updates out more frequently, especially now that all that I had pre-written in the form of roleplay is done. From now on I don't have a base I have to follow and I can write what I want, so that might hopefully make me more interested in writing this more. Again, I'm so sorry. Thank you for sticking with me. Your support means the world to me.


	14. How do you plead? Guilty or extremely guilty

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> [Self-harm and mentions of stab wounds]

Tyler could hardly breathe. Everything felt like it was either going in slow motion or two times faster than it was supposed to. He had arrived at his apartment a while ago. Or a few hours ago. He couldn't tell. Once he had left Josh's apartment, he'd barely managed to drive home before having a full-blown panic attack. He'd punched the wall until his knuckles bled, in anger at himself and his disgusting actions. He fell asleep on the floor of his kitchen after cutting up his arms with a dull knife. He'd had to punish himself for what he did to Josh. He'd even considered stabbing himself, so he would've felt the same pain as Josh had, but he'd passed out before that. 

Josh went to the hospital and once he awoke, he didn't tell them it was Tyler who'd stabbed him or anything about Tyler as a matter of fact. He told the police who came in to question him (his colleagues, so it was a little bit awkward) that it had been some guy he'd picked up from the bar after a few drinks and a kinky knife play session had gotten a little out of hand, on both sides. He said that the guy had panicked and ran off after calling emergency services and that Josh wasn't interested in pressing any charges or thought that the man was a danger to himself or others, since he had been the one pressuring him into jamming the goddamn knife into his thigh. He didn't technically even lie that much, he just didn't tell them that he'd known Tyler for a long time and was in love with him. 

Tyler awoke that morning on the kitchen floor, groaning when he forced himself to get up. There was blood on the floor, but he just left it there, not bothering to clean up. He did go wash off the dried blood from his arms, but the cuts still looked nasty as all hell. But it was whatever. He deserved each one. 

Josh got instructions on how to care for his now-stitched up wounds, told that he was lucky and sent home with medicine. Once there, he called and messaged Tyler non-stop for at least an hour, before giving up. He knew Tyler's address, but he wasn't allowed to drive with his fucked up leg. He could call a taxi, but what if he'd find Tyler dead? He sobbed into his pillow helplessly. 

Once Tyler checked his phone and saw all the missed calls and texts from Josh, he burst out crying. Josh was probably calling him to tell him what a freak he was and how he'd never want to see him again. He didn't even bother to check the messages before calling Josh. Whatever the man thought of him, Tyler needed him to know that he was sorry. 

As soon as his phone rang, Josh answered immediately upon seeing Tyler's name on the screen. "Oh, Tyler! Oh my God. I thought something happened to you. I-I-I thought you did something to yourself. I love you so much, please--please come back. I'm okay. I'm not--" Josh babbled into the phone, starting to sob: "I'm not mad at you. Tyler, please, I need you here."

"Josh," Tyler sighed, sounding weary: "I hurt you. I-I hurt the only goddamn thing I care about. Bad. I shouldn't have let you talk me into it. You weren't yourself. A-And I took advantage of that. I wanted it. I liked it. It got me off, I thought it was hot, for fuck's sake! I shouldn't think that fucking stabbing the love of my life was hot. It-It's fucked up, Josh. I'm fucked up. And I need to stay the fuck away from you."

Josh started to cry harder at his end. "No! I liked it too! I did! It just went too far and we're both guilty of that. Neither of us were exactly ourselves. I was--I was completely fucked out from pleasure and you were still on edge from that panic attack you had. It's not your fault, Tyler. I shouldn't have pushed you to do it. This is all my fault. Please, come back. I love you and I need you. Please, Ty," He whimpered. 

Tyler started to cry too. He had obviously brainwashed Josh. That's what his dad had always told him. That he was a manipulative little shit who could make people do whatever he wanted. He saw now, that it had to be true. He was indeed a manipulative, bad person. 

"Tyler, please," Josh begged: "I want to see you. I want to be held. I'd drive to you, but I can't for a few days. But I'll take the taxi if I have to. Tyler, just-- I need you."

"Josh, I--" Tyler whimpered, then sighed in defeat: "I'll be there in fifteen." He couldn't say no. It had been foolish of him to think he could ever say no to Josh. Josh sighed in relief and replied: "Thank you. I love you. The door is open."

Tyler hung up then and closed his eyes, taking a deep, shaky breath. He nodded to himself and headed for the door. He still didn’t think he should be near Josh, but if Josh truly wanted him there, he needed to go. It was the least he could do. And of course, he wanted to see Josh too, his heart ached for Josh. So, he went outside, not bothering to change his shirt, despite it being short sleeved and a bit bloody. Josh was the only thing on his mind when he got into his car and headed for the older man’s apartment.

Once he was outside of the apartment complex, he didn’t allow himself to let second thoughts take him over, but instead, got out of the car quickly and practically ran up to Josh’s door. His hand trembled when he pushed the door open, got in and closed it after himself.

“Josh?” He called out, noticing how much his voice was shaking too. He cleared his throat and tried again, calling out Josh’s name a bit louder. His voice shook even more, but this time it was loud enough for Josh to hear and weakly reply from the bedroom: “I’m in here.”

Tyler ran a shaky hand through his hair and breathed in and out deeply a few times. God, he was terrified. What if Josh would flinch when he came close. Fuck. Okay. He needed to stop being a pussy. This was his own fault after all. He slowly walked into the bedroom and stopped dead on his tracks upon seeing Josh. Josh, the only person he had ever felt anything towards, pushing himself to sit up with a pained expression on his face. His leg was wrapped up in bandages and he looked weary. Tyler felt like he was going to pass out. He felt sick to his stomach, knowing he had done that to Josh.

Josh was frozen too, staring at Tyler. The brunette’s shirt was bloody and the short sleeves revealed countless new, red cuts all over his arms. His eyes were red-rimmed and puffy from crying and he looked so restless and sad. Just so sad. It made Josh think of that teenager who had sat on the front seat of his pick up all those years ago, looked at him and told him what those other boys had done to him in that dirty bathroom. So confused, broken and impossibly sad, yet unable to understand what any of those emotions felt. It made Josh want to scream.

“Josh-“ Tyler whispered and his voice was broken too. Josh let out a sob at that. God. Tyler immediately rushed to his side but jerkily stopped himself before he could touch Josh, hesitant, scared that the yellow-haired man wouldn’t want him to. Josh stared up at him and reached for his hand. Tyler drew in a sharp breath and let him, falling on his knees by the bed, at Josh’s feet, clutching Josh’s hand. He looked down at the floor, silent tears falling and Josh’s heart broke. Gently, with his other hand, Josh touched Tyler’s jaw, lifting his head up. Tyler went along with the movement and looked up at Josh, blinking slowly, tears in his beautiful eyes.

“Tyler, I’m not mad,” Josh whispered, and the younger man nodded slowly, hesitantly replying: “You should be. I stabbed you.”

“Because I told you to, Tyler. And yeah, maybe I should be mad, but I’m really not. I can’t be. I love you too much, “ Josh replied, holding Tyler’s hand even tighter as he asked, voice so sad: “Why would you cut yourself like this?”

“I hurt you. I needed to pay for it. I deserved each and every one,” Tyler replied, blinking, a confused look on his face like it should be obvious. Josh closed his eyes for a moment and shook his head, whispering: “No Tyler. No. This,” he gestured to his leg: “This doesn’t hurt me. Not really. Only for a while. But you hurting yourself rips my heart apart. That’s what really hurts me. Please don’t do that anymore.”

“Josh, I—Okay, I won’t,” Tyler replied quietly, gaze drifting to Josh’s bandaged thigh as he whispered: “I’m so sorry, Josh. I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay, Tyler. It’s all okay, I promise. Just get up here and hold me and everything is forgiven. I’m exhausted and I need you to hold me,” Josh answered and Tyler was up from the floor in a split second. He helped Josh lay down again, grimacing when Josh hissed through his teeth when he had to move his leg. Josh promised it was okay, so Tyler tried to push it aside when he went around the bed and laid down next to the older man, wrapping his arms around him and pressing him to his chest, minding his leg. Josh thanked him and Tyler shook his head, telling him not to.

“I love you,” Josh said quietly. Tyler swallowed thickly. Josh shouldn’t love him. Not after what he did. But still, selfishly, he was so glad that Josh still loved him. So, he just replied: “I love you too.”

Josh fell asleep in Tyler’s arms quickly. Tyler spent an hour thinking whether he should just slip away from Josh, leave and never come back. But then he remembered that Josh had loved him all these years, even after he’d left him, so he decided not to leave him again. Instead he just held him tighter and fell asleep too.

Since it was morning, they both woke up at 6PM and Tyler made them both food. He was barely able to eat, but he did it for Josh, so he wouldn’t worry. They didn’t talk about it for the rest of the night. Tyler found himself being incredibly gentle with Josh though, like he’d break at the lightest touch. Josh mentioned it to him a few times and Tyler apologized, but he couldn’t stop doing it. He did it without really noticing, but he was terrified to touch Josh, in fear of hurting him. Josh told him he wouldn’t hurt him, Tyler nodded, but didn’t believe him. 

That night, when they were getting ready for bed, Josh hummed: “Hey, Tyler?”

“Yeah?” Tyler replied as he got under the covers, looking at Josh. The yellow-haired man turned his head to look right back at him, still laying on his back though, since he couldn’t sleep on his side. He took a breath and asked: “What do you think about getting engaged?”

“Wha—Josh? A-Are you asking-?” Tyler stammered out, eyes wide in shock and heart pounding. Josh quickly raised his hand in a calming manner and spoke: “No! No, not right now. This wouldn’t exactly be the ideal moment. But, I just mean… You know? Eventually? Do you—Do you think we’ll get engaged?”

“I—Why would you want to get engaged with me?” Tyler whispered: “You’d be—It’d be very public that we’re together and I’m—I’m a goddamn serial killer and you’re a cop and if I get caught, you—”

“You won’t get caught,” Josh cut him off, shaking his head: “You—I don’t care about any of that. I don’t care, Ty. We’ve established that. If you get caught, then you do. But you won’t. You’re careful. Tyler Joseph, I wanna marry you one day.”

“I-“ Tyler mumbled, face reddening as he looked down: “I’d like that. I—You know, before I never thought I’d even consider it but… with you it’s different. I- It really scares me. Just because I don’t know if I can be the kind of partner you deserve,” Josh tried to cut him off at this point, but Tyler raised a hand to silence him and continued: “Let me finish, Josh. I know, either way, that you’re in love with me. Even though I think I might have… manipulated you into this, I’m in love with you too. And even if you had asked right now… I would’ve said yes.”

“Y-You would have?” Josh stammered and Tyler looked back up at him, a small, hesitant smile on his lips when he replied: “Of course I would have. You’re the only person who has ever made me feel this way. Even close to this. I’m as in love with you as a person like me can be. I would have said yes, Josh.”

Josh grinned widely at him and leaned in for a kiss. Tyler let him, kissing back slowly. When Josh went to press closer and bite his lip though, Tyler pulled back with a sharp inhale, shaking his head and mumbling: “Sorry, not now, Josh. I-I-I can’t tonight.”

“Tyler, hey,” Josh whispered softly, touching his partner’s face with gentle, light fingertips: “Ty, you’re not gonna hurt me.”

“Josh, just—not tonight, okay?” Tyler replied. Josh frowned but nodded either way and pressed closer to Tyler, smiling again then and nuzzling Tyler’s neck as he hummed: “That’s okay, we can just cuddle.”

Tyler’s hands shook a little bit when he wrapped his arms around Josh and he hoped to God that the other man didn’t notice. He was terrified of the thought of harming Josh ever again. Even thinking about sex with him terrified Tyler because it always got so rough and he couldn’t hurt Josh like that ever again. He simply couldn’t live with himself if he did. He exhaled shakily and held Josh tighter, but this time he didn’t fall asleep. He thought about Josh all night, pulling back and observing his sleeping face, painfully aware of every time he cringed when he moved his leg. That night he truly learned how guilt feels. It settles in your chest and rises up to your throat and stays there, suffocating and cold and Tyler was scared.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have finally decided how I'm gonna continue this damn fic! I'm so sorry I took so long, I have been dealing with some stuff. I hope to write more now that I have dealt with some distracting things in my life. Thank you for reading. This chapter is a bit of a filler but the next one will hopefully have more action.


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